This is another excerpt from the forthcoming book #EvolutionaryRelationships from the section titled #RelationshipContinuum.
Given all this talk of responsibility and blame, how do we best relate to triggers? What are they? How do they occur?
Triggers are most often referring to feelings of hurt or anger. What I mean when I say “trigger” is that you lose the balance of your mind or that you “lose facility with self” in a disproportionate way.
Some people call it “going into red”. Some refer to it as a “trauma response”. Some refer to it as “pissing you off”, or what have you. There can be many names for it, but I think the disproportionate nature of it - where you say things you have to apologize for or simply can’t communicate responsibly - or simply yell or lash out or hurt the other person physically or verbally - is symptomatic of being “triggered”.
We usually speak about them in a relationship as if the other person is somehow to blame for our lack of emotional facility or rationality. “They triggered me” or “they made me angry” or my personal favorite “you made me worry” we can be heard saying.
Yes. That’s right: they put a gun to your head and made you fantasize horrible things may have happened to them./ When really all that was happening was their cell phone battery died. Or they fell asleep. But they made you worry.
What is the problem with this?
Not only does this give our power away, but it also makes other people responsible for our feelings, which is simply not the case.
© Jason D McClain