We, as a people, seem to love classifications. As humans, it is what we do best: identification. It separates us from primates. We can identify and classify things into systems, genres, classes, subclasses, and so on.

This is a great skill; a skill that could even save your life someday as you classify “dangerous, not dangerous – deadly, not deadly”. The ability to identify (what is it?) and then extrapolate accurately (what does it mean?) is indeed a critical skill. A skill no less critical even as we get more and more civilized. In fact, it could be argued that the dangers get ever more complex and demanding of this skill the more complex our society becomes, and the more knowledgeable we become.

When this gets interesting is when we apply and over apply this skill to other human beings where physical safety is clearly not a concern. We have all sorts of categorizations and systems of classification. We have ethnicity, sexual preferences, and orientation, political party affiliation, zodiac sign, political orientation or leaning, class separation, high school cliques, enneagram number, etc., etc.

These are all tools we use to classify, to categorize, and to put people into some box or drawer. At first, it may seem like we use these tools to gain a better understanding of who they are, really.

Is that how we typically use them, in actuality? The way I have seen myself and others use them is as I described above. We put them into a box. We now think we “know” them, or at least that portion of them. They are a democrat or a republican and all of a sudden, we now “know them” politically. They are a 3 on the enneagram, and all of a sudden we “know” what to expect of their behaviors; their light and beautiful side and their darker patterns.

We put them into a box and we can then relax, or tense, or whatever, but some part of us relaxes. We know them; we can now relax and move on to putting another part of them into a box. Are they heterosexual or homosexual? Ah, they are bi-sexual. We can now relax (or tense [laugh]) because we now “know” who they are sexually.

But do we? (It is fascinating to see someone feed their ego when they think they have “nailed” someone’s zodiac sign or enneagram number by guessing at it; excited about putting someone in a box.)

Once we put someone into a box, we then stop relating to who they are as a unique and beautiful being -- we begin to relate to the box. We begin to fit all of their behaviors into that box or view their behaviors through the filter of said box.

Sure, we are more comfortable ourselves once we have classified them, but the real relating begins to die a slow (or rapid) death. We now stop relating to who they are in this moment, right now, and begin to relate to what we read about them in a book, or what we see about their “type” on TV, Etc. Then what began as a tool for greater understanding and deeper relating has ended up as a wall or a barrier to greater and truer understanding – a barrier to more intimate relating; a wall around the heart. A wall and a filter we are often not even aware of.

And what are human Beings anyway? They are manifestations of the divine.

Can we really classify that?

Human Beings at their best and most inspirational are creative, spontaneous, dances of improvisation, which is completely unpredictable, and if we get too caught up in who we think they are, we may miss a glimpse of God as it dances right before us, right within our grasp. While these tools for classification are useful to a certain point, they are only useful to a certain point, where if we want true relating, true intimacy, they must then be cast aside. If we truly desire peace on this planet, it will take something like this, from all sides, from all perspectives, from all lands.

From the heart, guided by the head, enveloped in Spirit.

Have you ever noticed how some people’s perception of the world seems more accurate than others? How some people’s perception of you seems more accurate than others? Have you ever stepped out and noticed the degree of accuracy of your own perceptions? Have you ever had the experience of badly misjudging someone’s motives, being, intentions, behaviors, or character—thereby noticing your own inaccuracy? How did you account for this discrepancy? Have you ever noticed that you are more accurate about some people than others and how some people or some people’s behaviors trigger you and other’s do not? What would your life be like if you were freed from disproportionate emotional responses and you could see the pure and innocent core of others? It is commonly known in the world of platform skills training that most feedback tells you far more about the giver of the feedback than the recipient. In other words, if I do something in the world, like give a talk, or write something such as this piece you are reading, or even simply tell a joke in a public a small percentage of the feedback I receive will be solid, objective feedback. A larger percentage will be a demonstration of the person’s level of development, prejudices, beliefs, and—at worst—unresolved emotional events form their past and their issues of esteem for themselves. Why? The Buddhists speak of using Vipassana meditation to “clear away the clouds so you can see the sun”. The sun is always there—as it is. But in your perception, it is grayed. It is blocked. It is obscured. The word “vipassana” actually means to clear things away to see them “as they are”. Not as you would have them be, believe them to be, or think they are—but as they are. There is this I.D.E.A. of cleansing your vision. Giving your Self clarity of vision. How is this possible? We are lead to believe in our world of post-modern philosophy that this is not possible. There is only our skewed subjective experience. Yet simultaneously, many of us seek out coaches, gurus, leaders, and friends who have this very clarity. They “see” things—accurately and clearly. And these people are widely respected, valued, and many acquire great wealth in the process. Be it wealth of spirit or community or material wealth—or all of the above. How is this accomplished? How can we clear our vision such that we see things more accurately and can relate with others in a space of clarity and presence? To answer that we need to back up a bit… The first step is noticing. Do I have a preconceived notion about the person/organization/community? Am I dealing with and relating to them right now? Or am I dealing with my internal representations of them? Have I verified my interpretations of them/it? Do I have “disproportionate” emotional responses? Do I experience anger, guilt, shame, blame, fear to a degree that stops me from being fully self expressed in the natural disposition that the spiritual warriors of Shambhala teach, which is the natural disposition of pride, joy, and a general upright posture and attitude? Do the “little things” in life bother me? Do I judge others as bad and wrong rather than experiencing compassion and wisdom for them and if so, to what degree? Disproportionate emotional responses typically have two sources: unresolved past experiences that we have coded as “negative” in our subjective experience. These may come in the form of parental “imprints” or they may come in the form of a “gestalt” of negative emotions rooted in our childhood when we did not have the wisdom to see the positive learning or meaning in the pain. Meaningless pain leads to misery and agony and creates a deep gouge in our emotional consciousness. This can be resolved with any number of technologies and turned into a gift. Self-esteem is the other primary source of a disproportionate emotional response. Using the definition that self-esteem is the knowledge that you are competent to handle life’s challenges and the belief that you deserve to be happy [self efficacy and self-regard] then what happens when one has insufficient self-esteem in any given context? One responds with fear, uncertainty, and this can often appear as anger or some other disproportionate response. A person with high self-esteem can respond with graciousness, clarity, and ease. The higher degree of self-esteem one has, the more gracious one will be. Unresolved events and disproportionate emotional responses can actually “color” or skew our vision—and actually alter our internal representations. We have all heard of the “green monster” of jealousy and “seeing red” when one is angry. An excellent example of this was a client I worked with had their visual sub-modalities colored as red in memories where anger was present beginning at an impact experience when they were 4 years old. In other words, when they visualized the events, there was a red tint to the image. Once we worked with the events using Time Line Therapy™, all of the events had lost the red tint and they were now seen in black and white. Of course, even to get to a place where one would choose to clear their vision requires self-reflexive awareness and a certain degree of personal responsibility; it requires the ability to notice and assess one’s own behavior and an acceptance of the truth that we are all responsible for our own emotional life and a desire to evolve one’s self. This in and of itself is a monumental breakthrough for most who experience it. The next step is to take the necessary action to clear one’s past and begin to build a strong sense of self, a large component of which is healthy self-esteem, and then to begin to generate a new compelling future—one of your own design that will inspire, uplift, and draw one to new heights unburdened of the past habit patterns. From this place of freedom and generative creativity nothing is impossible. It is your natural born right to live a joyous and free life full of love and happiness. All that stands in your way is a choice. The choice of course belongs to you. What will you choose?

What is N.L.P.?

NLP--the set of tools titled Neuro-Linguistic Programming--is misunderstood far more often that it is understood. There is nothing new in NLP. There is no magic. It will not revolutionize your life whole-sum in one fowl swoop, contrary to the marketing of some. However, it can produce amazing rapid results in a specific context ...

So what is it?

The co-founder of NLP, John Grinder, says that it is simply a learning tool. Nothing more than a set if filters and tools to give you access to more of your neurology for the purpose of accelerated learning.

Gregory Bateson, the world famous behavioral scientist, said that NLP is the only class 3 learning tool on the planet.

What does that mean?

With NLP you learn how to learn. So then, why is NLP used the way it is used in the world most often—for brief and result-oriented therapy? This is a good question and certainly worth addressing. In the beginning, in the early 70s, there were therapists producing amazing results. They were Virginia Satir, the founder and pioneer of Family Therapy; Fritz Pearls, the pioneer and founder of Gestalt Therapy; Milton Erickson, the grandfather of medical hypnotherapy.

Additionally, there was the genius of Gregory Bateson--the world-renowned behavioral scientist. Given the results they were producing, the founders of this class of tools called NLP wanted to find out what patterns these geniuses were employing (at the meta level) that could be modeled, distilled, and reproduced.

So, with their permission, they were studied by the co-founders of NLP along with the supporting staff. Who were these people that modeled the original patterns of these therapeutic geniuses? John Grinder and Richard Bandler assisted by Robert Dilts, Judith Delozier, Todd Epstein, and Leslie Cameron-Bandler. If you’ve a scientific or skeptical mind, read anything by Robert Dilts on NLP. He will make you a believer. It could be argued that this original modeling is just one possible application of NLP.

That argument would be stunningly accurate. NLP is simply a class of tools. It allows you to distill out the structure, process, and context of any given experience. Because of this, I call NLP “the study of the structure of human subjective experience”.

Given that emotions are seemingly the biggest challenge facing human beings, then it could also be argued that investing so much time in studying the patterns of genius that have therapists get results was one of the most generous applications possible for this new-found tool. I would agree with that argument.

That was 30 years ago. Since then, NLP has come a long way thanks to the practitioners of this tool. They have modeled out many processes that the human being goes through naturally for the purpose of accelerated movement through said process.

For example—how does someone naturally resolve a traumatic experience and come out of it with an outlook of positivity and even gratitude? This has been modeled. How does someone align themselves on multiple, holarchical levels of their experience—environment, behaviors, capabilities, beliefs/values, identity, and Spirit? This has been modeled. How does a human being take a part of themselves that they previously disliked and through greater understanding and negotiation, use it as a gateway to core states of being and connectedness? This has been modeled. How does a human being take some parental experience that was traumatic for them and move to a place of resource, gratitude, and compassion? This has been modeled. What is intuition, the most useful of all trans-rational experiences? This has been modeled.

The world owes NLP a debt of gratitude. This may not even be acknowledged for another generation and that is just fine... NLP, as a field, does not care for dissertations or academia. This is largely why it is not accepted in the academic world. NLP, as a field, does not focus on whether or not something is true. “Truth” in this context has no meaning. What matters is whether or not something is useful. In that sense, NLP, as a field, is highly scientific.

However, scientific in the broad sense, not the narrow sense. By scientific in the broad sense, I mean this: experiment, get some result, and offer up your findings to a group of your peers for rigorous testing. In this sense, NLP is deeply and rigorously scientific.

Scientific in the broad sense. Not the narrow sense.

What is NLP? A set of tools to distill out models of excellence. Human models of excellence. Nothing more, but assuredly nothing less.

What is N.L.P.? a summary by Mark Michael Lewis NLP is sourced in the realization that that all human emotion is a function of how a person re-presents (represents, thinks about) any aspect of their experience. If you shift/change/alter how someone re-presents any aspect of their experience, you will shift/change/alter how they understand that aspect, what they feel about it, how they relate to it, and who they *be* around it. In more technical terms, a "top 10" might be:

1. The map is not the territory, the menu is not the meal - human beings make maps of their experience, they re-present their experience to themselves in the five senses/modalities.

2. How we understand, feel about, relate to, and BE around any aspect of our experience is determined by the map we make about that experience (our "occurring" world), not the experience itself.

3. You can change/alter/manipulate the maps (representations, how the world occurs) directly, by altering one or more of the five senses in the “map”.

4. When you change the map, you will change how people understand, feel about, relate to, and BE around that aspect of their experience

5. People work perfectly, they are not broken. They are getting exactly the results that they are getting. They can learn to get different results.

6. People already have all the resources they need and anything one human being can do/be/have/know/relate another human being can learn to do/be/have/know/relate.

7. People always make the best choice they experience as available to them.

8. Every human behavior is driven/caused/sourced by a positive intention, every aspect of human experience is to be respected/honored/integrated .

9. Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly AT FIRST.

10. Choice is better than no choice, the element in any system which has the most flexibility will control that system - NLP is about adding choices, not subtracting them. In plain language, NLP provides tools with which to resolve virtually any human emotional issue.

NLP is 1) a set of filters through which to process our experience such that we have more power to achieve our values, and 2) a collection of hundreds of patterns/techniques/”interior rituals” that are specially designed to powerfully and permanently alter how someone represents (feels/BEs about) virtually every/any aspect of their life.

Since human behavior (how we do/be/have/know/relate to our “world) is driven by our emotions 99 percent of the time, the more choice we have around how we “feel,” the more powerfully and elegantly we can create and move through our lives. It is the most powerful form of fix/change/improve technology I have ever encountered. If transformation is all about shifting who we are/BE/relate to our world, NLP is all about shifting how that world automatically occurs for us through time. It is designed to alter not the "fact" of our Already Always Listening (AAL), but the standards by which our AAL automatically judges and assesses our experience.

It is a tool for resolving our past (rather than getting off of it) and tapping into the juice/value of any/every experience we have. If transformation gives us the freedom to "be with" our occurring world, NLP gives us tools to shift the unconscious processes by which that world “occurs.”

But really, what NLP is, is the study of the structure of subjective experience, and by extension, the study of human excellence.

Nothing more. And assuredly nothing less.

Jason D McClain © 2003

"it's okay to lose, so long as you learn from every game you choose..."

“If there is no future, and there is no past; if all we’ve got is right now, then…let’s make it last.”

"Remember your dreams because your dreams become the life you lead..." --Prince Rogers Nelson

Human beings have a strange relationship to time. We sometimes get stuck in moments and replay them over and over again. We often fail to live in the "present"—not hearing the person right in front of us. Some of us are so focused on our goals in the future we often fail to enjoy them when we attain them—rather, setting new, bigger, more impressive or more challenging goals without ever pausing to enjoy the view from this new height.

Then there is this idea that there is only “the now”-- which is certainly one way to think about it. At the same time, while the past and future may only live in our minds, so do so many other things. Does that mean they do not exist? Memories? Fondness for someone? Plans for our future? They are indeed “real” even if they are strictly intra-subjective experiences.

If we declared they were not, we would have to say things like intentionality, compassion, hope, and love, were not “real”. Are you prepared to say compassion is not real? Aside from the most dogmatic of scientific materialists, I know very few who are willing to support that argument.

What then is the most appropriate and useful relationship to time that we could cultivate, such that we accelerating our personal evolution? How can we use our internal representation of time for emotional choice and ultimately, emotional freedom?

The Past

The past, in the context of accelerating our evolution, is really only useful for two things: learning, and the storage of emotional states. It is a treasure trove of opportunities for learnings and therefore evolutionary advancement.

If, while we review past events, we simply ask two questions:

1. How am I responsible?

2. What can I learn? (that is positive or empowering about yourself or about the world)

...then our relationship to the past is a healthy one.

That is, it is one that supports increasing our spiritual depth and emotional freedom while building on "mistakes" (less than optimal choices) in a useful way. The first question builds esteem for the self as all responsibility does, so long as we are taking responsibility responsibly—that is free of shame. If we use it instead as an opportunity to shame ourselves or judge ourselves, then we have been irresponsible in this exercise and defeated the very purpose of it. The questions must be answered with a positive or empowering forward look. In the case of a “failure” or a negative event, or perhaps in exhibiting behaviors that are out of alignment with our values: what can I learn such that this will not happen in the future? Or, What will I do differently in the future?

In the case of “successes”: what can I learn such that I can continue to model this behavior? How can I increase my effectiveness even further? The Present People often speak of “staying present” or “being present” or “being in the now” as if we were somehow absent. We are always present—the question is, “what are we present to?”

Often when people are not paying attention to what is in front of them, they are paying attention to their internal representations. Their internal thoughts, fantasies, imagery, or internal dialogue. Building the muscle of mastering our minds such that we are present to what is in front of us when we need to be—fully present without atemporal or past-related thoughts—is one of the critical components of the game of Personal Evolution. There are times when we are not even aware of our internal representations. We must bring these into consciousness so they can be managed appropriately and responsibly. Once we become conscious of them, it may be necessary to use certain mental shifts and practices to “shelve” these thoughts to be dealt with later when it is more appropriate for our lives. Sometimes it is a matter of learning to simply quiet the mind through meditation. Or both.

The Future

Often when I work with clients and they are in despair, I elicit their internal representation of time and find it compressed. They are seeing perhaps only two weeks into the future and the events that are occurring in their present are unpleasant--and then it just goes black.

When we extend their sense of time out to include another 100 years these feelings often turn into convictions about what needs to be done--or at the very least, increasing ease.

The truth is that regardless of what is occurring—everything has a nature: it arises and passes away. Nothing lasts forever. This is especially true for human beings. In the greater scheme of things, or in the larger view, or with an expanded sense of time, as we literally zoom out, we become more emotionally free from whatever may be troubling us at that one moment in time. Once the events become objects in our awareness and we are no longer identified with them, we are free form them and can use the events for learnings and make more appropriate choices.

This practice is especially useful for fear and anxiety. The structure of fear and anxiety is that we are imagining some future event with a negative result or outcome. However, since we know that the future exists only in our minds [although in our subjective experience it is very real] then we can bring that imagined future into consciousness and change it to a positive one. Given that neither is more “real” or “true” than the other, the evolutionary master of their own mind will change the imagined future to a positive one and “live into” that—thereby aligning their consciousness around it. While a high level of facility is required, we can all build the muscle of a more responsible and useful relationship to time. Just like all exercise, at first It may cause soreness.

So we start off light. We increase the frequency of our exercise gradually. Eventually, we are lifting heavy weight indeed and are excited about how are new habit is transforming the way we experience ourselves and how we feel. And it is then, that we are becoming free.

[This article requires a general understanding of developmental stages in egoic, emotional, or moral developmental models, distinguished by researchers such as Graves, Kohlberg, Gilligan, etc.]

There is often talk in developmental, transformational, and alternative communities about how polyamorous and/or “open” relationships are more “evolved”. More evolved than…say the conventional forms of monogamy and marriage.

This is an easy trap to fall into, as poly- relationship forms are certainly post-conventional. There was a time when I agreed with this thinking. I used to think polyamory [distinct from what I often see which is “poly-sexual”] was the more "evolved" as is it beyond traditional structures [trans-rational and post-conventional] and by its very nature requires, and often demands advanced communication skills, a solid sense of self, a lack of attachment and more spontaneous and flexible structures than monogamy.

Plainly put—it is more challenging. But that is if it is played clean, which is all well and good on paper...but how often are poly- relationships played clean and played well? Well, not often. In my experience, they are sometimes a morass of jealousy, fear, anger, heartbreak, etc.

Additionally, the truth is, monogamy requires other sets of skill development which while different, are equally as challenging. AND monogamy requires all the aforementioned sets of skills and development if it is to be done well and stay alive and thrive. That is to say, high self-esteem and a solid sense of self, advanced communication skills, and agreements between the parties that allow for play and spontaneity as well as growth and evolution within the relationship itself. So...my thinking has since shifted.

In my experience, we cannot assess depth and evolution, using any developmental stage conception, based on form and be accurate very often. Just using the simple three-stage model I often employ of pre-rational or pre-conventional, rational or conventional, and trans-rational or post-conventional, we can see very quickly that the idea of form does not map across to any stage or level. Here is the crux of my current thinking.

We can all experience monogamy from a pre-rational, rational, or trans-rational place. And we can all experience poly- from a pre-rational, rational, or trans-rational place. In other words, form does not map across to stage of evolution with any real predictability of accuracy. Simultaneously, we can all be drawn towards one form or another…or another, as the result of our stage of development, but again, it is no guarantee which form we will be drawn to.

The key is in what the individual motivations are for seeking any particular form.

To briefly and quickly flesh this out with some big picture generalizations: we could be drawn to monogamy out of fear and attachment—a need to “stake my claim”, or out of a need to have the illusion of safety and security a monogamous commitment provides [pre-rational], or out of a desire for a practical partnership and solid family structures for children We want to have [rational], or out of a desire to explore my depths with one person as a spiritual practice for the remainder for my life [trans-rational].

On the other end of the form spectrum, We may choose poly- out of a desire to get laid as much as possible with as many people as possible [pre-rational], or out of an acceptance that We feel more aspects of myself when reflected in intimacy with more people and that better suits me [rational,] or as an expression of being Spirit at play--as an outgrowth of my experience as a spiritual being and out of a desire to explore freedom, spontaneity, and love of all sentient beings in a consensual and limitless way [trans-rational].

So we can not claim anything with respect to form of the relating being more or less evolved. Of course I wish it were simpler, but assessing evolution depends on each individual, how they are experiencing the relating and what their motivations are for being drawn to one form or another to actually assess evolution. Having tried all forms, including marriage, I like all forms for different reasons. But that is just me.

The question to ask is not which form is more evolved, but rather--are you choosing the form consciously? Are you clear about your experience of the relating and the motivations for your desires or draw to the form? Are you evolving consciously in the form of your choosing? These questions we can answer. Unfortunately, the question of which form is “more evolved” than another is a slippery slope that can easily fall into a trap of superiority and ego-centric musing.

And no one wants that…consciously.

There is so much good work being done in the world today. It is astonishing how many people are dedicating their lives more and more to helping others. The human potential movement has spawned organizations and individuals committed to bringing change to the world through changing the individual.

When Ghandi said “be the change you wish to see in the world”, he probably could not have imagined how many people would take up that call and attempt to make the world a better place by making themselves better people through self-reflexive observation and intentional changework.

As a result of the richness in the field that we can now experience, it is useful to distinguish among the many offerings. There are three basic approaches I have noticed, experienced, and participated in directly. They are: 1. Development 2. Transformation 3. Evolution. These are each useful in and of themselves. They are “good”. And yet they have limitations that come along with their benefits. Let us examine this together...

Personal Development is a huge and ranging field. Workshops exist for skill acquisition that are readily available in every major metropolitan area in the Western World, and Asia is quickly cathing on as well. Corporations, having long recognized that their only asset that increases in value over time is their people, send their people to workshops to accelerate that process—to increase their value.

You can attend workshops on money management, communication skills—be it negotiation, sales techniques, relationship models, etc.—health and fitness and well being, and the list goes on and on. What all of these workshops have in common is that they focus on one domain of your life. We could think of it as a vertical line—or multiple vertical lines—of development. When we acquire skills or we “develop” ourselves in this area or that area, we increase the level of that vertical line of development in that domain. Development takes time, investment, and persistence if we are to become developed in any particular area—in other words, to become competent in some area. Skill acquisition is necessary to be successful in this world.

We all want to be more effective at something, and most of us recognize the value, benefits, and at times...need...to acquire more skills. And yet, mere skill acquisition will not solve all that troubles us. We can have all the skill in the world and have those around us not like us, be miserable or demanding, and generally unhappy and unfulfilled. Development may be necessary, but it is only a partial view of what we need as humans. Why is that? Development is a one-dimensional experience—the increase of one vertical developmental line. Increased “heights”, if you will. Yet, human beings are multi-dimensional. Skill alone will never suffice. Out of this limitation arises “transformational technologies”.

A level that is deeper and more complex than mere development. Transformation is unpredictable and at times, instant. It does not deal with any one particular domain, yet it can apply to all domains at any given moment. How is this done? By bringing a different way of being to a situation, something completely new and wonderful can arise out of a "breakdown"—that is a situation where there is an outcome that has been blocked by some circumstance or another.

Frankly, transformation is very appealing in today’s marketplace. It promises instant results in any given moment and gives people tremendous choice, empowerment, and responsibility...leading to more choice, empowerment...responsibility, and this loop feeds on itself with often wonderful results. But not always... Transformation is often reliant on breakdown and breakthrough patterns. In other words, we have some breakdown...and through that, we get to experience transformation of the situation or the circumstances or the dynamics or in ourselves...or a “breakthrough”. This often orients us towards breakdowns. Being humans that we are, we can become attached to experiencing that cycle—or worse...identified with it.

I have actually heard seminar leaders who deal in the world of transformation say that “you will begin to look forward to, and at times even create, your breakdowns”. While it is useful to see “breakdowns” as an opportunity so we can be more resourceful around them, rather than submerged in a “crisis”...building in a mechanism that has people seek out breakdowns has obvious limitations and can be problematic--not to mention hard on the core of the being. At times even causing internal dissonance rather than resolving it.

And while transformation is certainly useful...it is only a two-dimensional phenomenon. Height and breadth, if you will, being that transformation can be applied in multiple domains. But again, this will not fully suffice, as human beings are multi-dimensional beings.

Out of this limitation arises Personal Evolution. Evolution is not very sexy. It is an infinite and life-time game. There is no goal to reach and no "journey" to complete. It requires a life-time commitment. Regardless of which stage you have reached or how much depth has unfolded, there is always another stage and a deeper level. However, evolution is also the most fulfilling, and most complete of the three. It trickles out to all domains, making transformation possible and accessible as well as the development of skills even easier. It serves the whole being. Evolution is about the ever-widening of identity. It is about ever-deepening, ever more complex, and increasingly expansive levels of order.

How does evolution occur? Evolution occurs when the current stage a person is at become inadequate to deal with their life circumstances. We may experience chaos, confusion, or at times, even disaster or tragedy. When this happens, there are two choices or “directions”: evolution or regression. If we evolve, what actually occurs is that our very Self—the core of our being—moves to a new level of order. There is a widening of Identity [capital I]. The Self becomes more expansive, deep, complex, and at times and certainly eventually, more open and more flowing. I stress, this happens in stages. It is slow. It is creeping. it is a process in the largest sense of the word.

However, it is something that affects all domains in your life. Relationships, money, sex, career, family, politics, health, value spheres, world views—all of it. When the very core of who you thought you were and who you truly are evolves, then your experience and the way you relate to everything around you also evolves. It can be no other way. And we all interpret the events in our lives through our current stage of development...it can be no other way. Personal Evolution is truly multi-dimensional. It has height, breadth, and provides--and at times demands--increasing depth. It is an organic unfolding of the core of the being. Exposing ever deeper levels. And in the process, the being experiencing this evolution...this unfolding...comes ever closer to who they truly are. They become closer to Spirit itself until that stage where all separation and what they used to call “God” dissolves and they become Spirit itself.

They become the divine.

If we pause there and we look back on this very piece of writing, we can see the process of evolution represented right her on this page. The evolution of the human potential movement. Out of wanting better results, we created personal development rising to a new level of order. Then we realized, consciously or unconsciously, that development itself was inadequate to address the demands of being human. Out of that confusion and chaos we rose to a new level of order and transformational technologies came into being. This was useful for some time for some outcomes and addressed more of the being...yet we bumped up against the limitations of this level of order soon enough. Out of the realization of those limitations, a new level or order emerged—personal evolution itself. Evolution of the person and the personal.

The organic unfolding of manifest divinity and our personal and internal manifest destiny. Evolution is there. Unfolding is there. Divinity is there. Will you participate in it...or regress?

We are faced with that choice literally every day of our lives. We all choose one at times and the other at times. The key is in choosing consciously...even now.

Facility With Self

The title of this piece is one of my favorite ways to sum up what I think is the ultimate capacity and the most valuable skill set in life is. It is also access to being emotionally free, flexible, and generally more happy, regardless of your circumstances.

This is also where I remind you that communication skills - and in this case, you are communicating with yourself - are physical skills. They are awkward at first. They take practice to become proficient in. They take repetition to master.

Gaining Facility With Self is the most challenging and most rewarding guiding principle - as well as a set of capacities - to take on. In addition, I assert that there is nothing in life external to one’s self that cannot be managed, overcome, conquered by having greater Facility with Self.

Many of you have asked me what this thing is. What are its component parts? This is complicated and the answer has been long coming, but this piece is written for the purpose of providing as complete an answer I can muster at my current level of insight and writing ability. 

I trust you will read it generously, knowing that some aspects of the distinctions are beyond these two elements currently - and must be demonstrated and/or experienced as they involve navigating our interiors.

Let me say that none of what I write here is the “truth”; I am not even interested in debating its accuracy—while I think I could. What I am asking you to do is try it on for the purpose of your own personal evolution. Not what is true but what is useful for that outcome and for the outcome of your own happiness via developing ultimate choice with your own emotional and mental experience.

Necessary Operating Assumptions

Most people are not even aware of their operating assumptions. You could also call these beliefs, filters, and presuppositions. One of the necessary first steps to Facility With Self is to acknowledge and take responsibility for the fact that we all have operating assumptions, beliefs, and filters. Most people operate as of the are their “truth”s. Most of them are sweeping generalizations created from moments when they assessed something in their experience and extrapolated from it—often inaccurately. Judgment—a necessary skill for survival—gone awry. Most people have assumptions that do not serve them. For example people are out for themselves; I can not control my emotions; men are a certain way and women are a certain way and that’s that; a leopard can not change its spots, etc.

Anyway, I consider the necessary assumptions | beliefs | filters for Facility with Self to be (at least) the following:

• Taking responsibility or owning my part is the fastest way to build a healthy sense of self
• I have assumptions—they are under my control
• Some (most?) of my filters are out of my awareness; it is possible to bring them into my awareness by paying attention to my subjective experience and my language patterns
• I am 100% responsible for my emotional experience—it is under control if I develop the necessary capacities said another way:
• My subjective experience (emotional life) of the world is completely generated by me and is the result of my interpretations, beliefs, perceptions, preconceived notions, distortions, etc.
• There is always a way - and always an ethical way 
• Flexibility and variation of approach toward a specified outcome—focus on results and my effectiveness towards such—will provide optimal probabilities of achieving that outcome; a fixed approach leads to less than optimal results
• I have no inner enemies; I have parts—who are sometimes in conflict, but who have positive purposes. These parts can be honored, understood fully, and integrated to resolve the internal conflict contributing to my congruity with my espoused values.

These items can also be summed up as “attitudes”.

Necessary Skills (imitating the Buddha)

Once the necessary attitudes are in place as operating presuppositions, there are some skills that come into play. The first is some agility in the ability to occupy multiple perceptual positions or to experience the world in “triple description”. Some people have asserted that the ability to move through all three perceptual positions - at will - to be a good operating definition of mental health. 

Additionally, the evidence, as well as the practice of Personal Evolution, is the ability to take on an ever-increasing number of perspectives. but without these foundational three, you will not have any facility at all.

What are these perceptual positions? At least the first three:

• Self: being in your own body. Seeing out of your own eyes. Knowing what you want.
• Other: walking in someone else’s shoes. Seeing the world through their eyes with their filters—feeling into them; empathy
• Observer: the position of director of a play or an interested third party who is observing.

It is important to remember that these are holarchically arranged. They are also known as First, Second, and Third, respectively. Holarchy?  For example, paragraphs contain sentences, but not the reverse. Sentences contain words, but not the reverse. Words contain letters, but not the reverse. In the same way, Second - a second position shift - requires first, but not the other way around. Third A third perceptual shift requires the ability to occupy both first, then second, and then take the perspective of third. It could be said that this is simply a shift in attention. The ability to project your awareness or your consciousness to a space and then perceive the world from a different angle is the beginning of the acquisition of this skill. For instance, what does your head look like from the back? Pretend the floor you are sitting on is plexiglass—what do you look like from beneath? Etc. Why is this a critical skill? […]

"Going Meta"

Going meta to your experience and acquiring what is commonly referred to as “meta-cognition” is the ability to have not only awareness but choice over your own thought processes. This is what Buddha’s vipassana meditation technique teaches. It is a skill and this skill holds the promise of allowing you to liberate yourself from the emotional roller-coasters - the vicissitudes - of life.

Once you can see the process is of your own making, and then master it, you will be truly free.

An event happens and then ⟹ you interpret it in a certain way, which leads to ⟹ your emotional reaction, and in that reaction, ⟹ you then make it mean something (your generalize) - often creating a limiting belief -  which then ⟹ leads to an emotional atmosphere.

Most people think this is a one-step process:  Something happens and then ⟹ they feel bad.

And most humans then blame the other person or external circumstances for the feeling. And in the process of blaming - lose all of their power.

This is why the most fundamental orientation to all of your experience is one of 100% responsibility - it is your access to choice and power.

It is also simply not true. Not everyone will interpret the event the same way - this is the essence of subjective experience. To blame something or someone external for your emotional experience not only gives away your choice and power and makes you a victim - it also is the equivalent of blaming a stranger for the color of your hair.

But many do it because it serves to give them power and leverage in the relationship - and it is a kind of not-so-subtle emotional power/force/control/attempt to dominate.

This is where the next skill fits right in.

Mastery of Interpretive Experience

Events happen. However, I do have access to gaining control over the variables in the equation:  how I interpret it will change my reaction.

Changing what I make it mean will change my emotional atmosphere.

Most times when the meaning I attach or my interpretation of the event is out of my awareness. It is then my responsibility to apply more consciousness to my own processes and bring it into awareness. This can take moments. It may take days. But just as in exercising a muscle, the more I do it, the easier it becomes. Then once I have it in awareness I have choice. I can notice the silly over-generalization to my extrapolated meaning. Or I can notice a counterexample—an example that demonstrates what I am thinking is not true (in fact probably CAN’T be true all the time). Or simply pick several other possible interpretations - making sure at least one is absurdly funny - and step into the one which gives me the most pleasure and could be true.

There are many other benefits to the ability to take on perceptual positions at will. Imagine the richness and wisdom your choices can begin to demonstrate. Imagine the ecology and the integrity of them. 

There are two things I often do after any event where I had to perform or converse or interact and the outcome was “important”. They are deeply related. One is the ability to self-reflect. I do this from the third perceptual position. That is, I give myself feedback from that position, often like a director of a play while holding my outcome in mind. The second is what I call “tape editing”. Some of you have heard me quote that success is as much a limitation to creativity as failure (and in fact sometimes more of a limitation). Why? Often when I am successful, I simply try to replicate the behavior that made me successful. While this is an important skill as well (modeling my own successful behavior) it is also important to not stop there. Whether I “succeed” or “fail” I must tape edit—that is I go back and re-imagine the events and vary my imaginative behavior for even better results. And to take it one step further, by using micro-muscle tension and micro-voice tone modulations I try on the new behavioral choices. I get it into my body.

And finally, there is one other skill that is necessary for Facility With Self.

It is the ability to take responsibility for disproportionate emotional responses. By “take responsibility” in this context, I mean to notice which of the two typical sources (self-esteem issue or unresolved gestalt of negative emotion). This may be a parental imprint or some other kind of pattern imprinted, but by raising our consciousness around it, then seeking out the appropriate practitioner, if need be, to assist us in releasing the emotional charge.

These are the attitudes and skills I assert are the bare minimum to begin to enjoy the benefits of Facility with Self. 

[Note: While this is not a discussion of egoic development, we can not stress enough the foundational necessity of true esteem for the self for emotional freedom. So many upsets, be they anger upsets, shame, fear, etc., can be traced to a lack of esteem for the self—that is pre-rational or early-rational egoic development. From anger to shame, the variable of one’s egoic developmental stage is undeniably an important factor. But that is another discussion for another time. I have written briefly about egoic stage development and will occasionally refer to these distinctions in this discussion.] Be sure to see parts one and two here and here, respectively. Now that we have covered interpretations and extrapolated meanings, what of specific dynamics within each emotion? What of anger? Resentment? Guilt? Shame? What other variables lead to negative emotions aside from lower egoic development? For it is through this knowledge, using our self-reflexive awareness and meta-cognition, that we can notice these dynamics as they are happening, and choose a different path. Anger. Anger has at least two components.

• Indicator of a crossed boundary
• Blame

Often anger is “just-ified”. That is, with respect to justice, we are “right” in being angry. Maybe someone has violated our person or property. Perhaps they have broken an agreement. Perhaps they have deceived us intentionally. We have little choice around the action of others. They will do what they do, as we are all on our own path. However, when we are angry, often we are blaming them for what they have done. This is different and separate from holding them accountable, which is appropriate, but goes further into a game of pre-rational ego. Let’s say that I had my car stereo stolen. I come out in the morning and I notice it gone and the dashboard area around where it was previously installed is damaged. I call the police and I wait seething in my anger. “what a low-life thief”, I say to myself along with numerous other colorful expletives. Once the police come they ask me a few questions: “Do you have a car alarm?” Yes, I tell them. “did you hear it go off last night?” No, I tell them, regrettably I did not set it last night. “Were the car locks damaged?” No, I tell them…the car was unlocked… We can quickly see where this is going. While the crime of the stolen stereo is indeed a crime and may be punished and is an unfortunate violation of my person by the extension of my property, the responsibility is mine to lock my vehicle, set my alarm, and care that my car is secured. Once I begin to take responsibility by asking the two key questions:

• How am I responsible
• What can I learn or gain from this that will allow me to release the anger completely?

The blame will dissolve and the anger will begin to fade away.

The truth is, no matter what has happened to us: assault, theft, harsh words thrown at us, fraudulent deception, broken agreements, or unrequited love--no matter what has happened, there is something we can take responsibility for and something, or many things, we can learn that once learned will release the anger entirely. And no, learning that “all men are jerks” is not the kind of learning I am referring to. It must be something insightful or positive and empowering about yourself or about the world. There are times when we get angry with others for not meeting or violating one of our expectations. Often, these are implicit, unstated expectations. In this case, the only responsible thing to do is notice this, take responsibility for it, and make a request of the other person so they are more fully informed of your expectations. [For a fuller treatment of the ideas of rules and fair play see relationdancing.] We must stress, however, that no matter how “just”-ified the anger is, it is still not useful for anything other than dynamics of control and dominance. In fact, one must get through the anger first to see things clearly anyway, to see through to justice, rather than demand vengeance and retribution. Again, the way to accelerate the process until one is emotionally free is to ask the two key questions above—and we do it for ourselves. Not for the Other. The first question, “how am I responsible?”, shifts the focus from blaming Other to a more responsible “I” and as a result, assists in building true esteem for the self as any responsibility-taking action does. It builds our sense of self. The second question, “what can I learn?”, turns the event into a learning experience and a gift and the conditional clause “that will allow me to release the anger completely” assures that our mind will give us a deep learning. The deeper the learning, the more fortunate we are to have unfortunate events occur to us. I know this from an abundance of first hand experience. In the case of anger—and indeed in the case of all unpleasant emotions—the Evolutionary uses their self-reflexive awareness [which we have all been practicing daily] to notice when the anger arises. They observe the sensations and then ask the two key anger questions and notice the internal shift in their sensations after answering the questions. The idea is not to never experience anger [although you will find after daily practice and rigorous application that fewer and fewer things will anger you]. The goal here is to simply shorten the duration for which you experience the anger. Shortening and shortening and shortening the duration until it is mere minutes and then mere seconds rather than hours, or days, or for some of us still in an emotional prison: weeks and months…or longer. Resentment is a little different. Resentment still requires blame, as anger does, however it has an interesting residuary element. It builds and builds even after anger is experienced and expressed or released. I like to think of it this way—it is an indicator that the person I resent is overdrawn on their emotional bank account with me. Not that they are to blame—it just is so. Where then can we take responsibility such that we can release the resentment? What is usually the case with this residue we call resentment? It did not happen overnight. It built over time. What else can we say about resentment? There were perhaps [and probably] many points along the way in our dealings or interactions with the person we feel resentment towards when we wanted to say no, and we chose to say yes for various reasons. In other words, we failed to honor our internal voice, knowing, instinct, or intuition—our inner desires or wisdom. We failed to honor ourselves. In doing so we were irresponsible indeed. Over time we built resentments, and then we blame them—essentially—for our inability to honor ourselves and say no when we knew it was best for us. The madness continues. [In part 4 we will explore guilt and shame]

Be sure to see parts one, two, and three here, here, and here respectively. In this piece we will examine the assumptions that lead to guilt, the structure of shame, and the antidotes to both. Guilt Q: “I often feel guilty for things I have done.” A: [S.N. Geonka ] “Guilt has no place in Dhamma [the path to enlightenment or ‘the law of nature’].” I assert that guilt serves no purpose in inter-personal relations. No legitimate purpose. Some say “if the person feels guilty or remorseful, then I can be assured they will not repeat this terrible wrong they committed against me” or “ I am assured of their good character”. Is this accurate? Let’s examine this together. Sharon slept with another man, violating the monogamous covenant she shared with her husband. She felt “bad” and out of guilt, told him the truth. She swore it would never happen again. Seeing how badly she felt, her husband felt assured this would not happen again and stayed with her and the marriage commitment. A few years later, Sharon was unfaithful a second time and in fact, carried on an affair with another man. This time she felt she best not be honest with her husband. How many chances would he give her, really? Unfortunately, he found out about it through some carelessness of hers and some direct questioning which followed. Again, she was authentically remorseful and felt guilty for misleading and breaking her husband’s trust—she did not feel bad just for getting caught, rather she felt authentically guilty for what she had done. They separated, sought counseling, and eventually divorced. Far from Sharon being a fiction of my mind for the purpose of illustration, this story is real, and the name has been changed. And, this is just one example of many I could give of patterns of behavior, remorse or guilt, and repetition of the problem behavior. Guilt is unreliable [at best] as a guarantee of future behavior. We have all seen people apologize and be guilt-ridden, yet commit the same acts repeatedly. I go so far in my own relations as to let people know very clearly that their guilt and apologies hold no currency with me. I WANT them to feel free emotionally about any “wrong” they may have committed against me. At the same time, I may not want them to commit the same act against me again—I do want assurance of a shift in behavior and an honest and earnest intention by them to do so through learning. For that, guilt does not help. In fact, it is a hindrance What is simply needed is their acknowledgement of the mistake and their pledge to not commit the act again. If it happens repeatedly, then there are practical choices to be made: do we continue to invest time and energy with this individual?

In essence, they need to demonstrate they have learned from the mistake. Not because we made them feel guilty by berating them subtly or not-so-subtly, or they made themselves feel guilty by beating themselves up, but because they noticed their own lack of integrity, or perhaps they did not live up to their own standard, or perhaps that the results that they produced by this mistaken action were unpleasant for all and should be avoided and in noticing that, they self-corrected in a clean and rapid way. Of course, we can simply take note and shrug our shoulders knowing that we are all on our own path. They are on theirs and I am on mine. And there are times, certainly, on the other end of the spectrum, where I choose not to associate with the person any longer. What is important through all of it is clarity, cleanliness of interaction, and grace where possible. Wanting someone to feel guilty or remorseful is one of the most selfish and ego-centric implicit demands we can make. It speaks to wanting the misery to be spread even further than it already has for our own short-term gratification. Whatever the case, the guilt simply clouds clear thinking, delaying the appropriate resolution of the conflict, and is therefore unnecessary and undesirable. Additionally, it is suppressive to the whole system and can lead to immune problems, which leads in turn to health and well-being problems. Why would we want that? As mad as it may seem, we do want it sometimes, don’t we? Not as above where we think Sharon “should” feel bad. But rather, one darker step further—we want her to feel bad. We enjoy it. Take pleasure in it. We feel it is deserved and appropriate. That it is “just”. We want it because they harmed us and we experienced misery and so we want them to feel miserable too. We want them to share in our misery. This is clearly madness. One person in misery is enough. Why expand the scope if not for dynamics of power and control or to exact a psychic price. Is this the world we want to create? Are those the dynamics we want in our relations? Again, what is ultimately important is not how the person feels about what they have done—but they take earnest steps to learn from our mistakes and integrate the leaning into our behavior. We want assurance that the event or act will not happen again and we have clearly seen that guilt does no such thing. Demanding guilt will only add more misery and heaviness in the air. And what about that? In an even clearer situation, what about “guilt trips” where we have done nothing “wrong” but we have not met someone’s expectations or social conditioning and they attempt to extract guilt, or worse, shame us? I will simply say that they are the crudest tools for influencing someone I have ever experienced and to reward someone for using it by allowing it to be effective only feeds the wild animal. Additionally, if we try and use guilt heavy-handedly when someone has overcome great fear to tell us the difficult truth, as Sharon did in her first transgression, we only assure ourselves they will feel less inclined to tell us the truth in the future, as we made it too painful. And in doing so, we have just killed off intimacy. Guilt, however, has a close cousin that is more complex and worthy of closer examination… Shame Shame is even more interesting to me than guilt, and its structure is more complex. Shame has several components:

• A compressed sense of time
• A case of mistaken identity
• An evaluation that is a confusion of logical levels

Time I have written before about our unconscious sense of time. When I work with clients who are experiencing shame, they invariably have a compressed sense of time. That is to say that their focus is limited to an act, an event, or a small series of events. Often, consciously expanding their sense of time while pointing out to them that that this act, or series of acts will not define who they are--which leads us to… A case of mistaken identity “The ultimate spiritual practice is dis-identifying from that which you think is you—objects in your awareness.” –Ken Wilber Who am I, who are you? What aspect of our lives are we identified with? Literally, we think [unconsciously] that we are our behaviors or our thoughts or our finances or our sexuality or our social reputation or our looks, or relationships or our…etc., and on and on. We can know this of one of three conditions are present:

1. we have extreme fear about losing something
2. we experience extreme misery or despair of one of these things is taken from us or we “lose” it
3. we experience shame if it is jeopardized by our behaviors

Which leads us to… Behaviors, capabilities, beliefs, identity, spirit; logical levels of experience. If we have a confusion of logical levels, we will often confuse our behaviors, our capabilities, our beliefs, or our constructed identity with who we truly are, and therefore mistakenly judge ourselves by one of these levels. I behaved in XYZ manner and therefore I AM _______. But who we truly are is god, is radical spirit is pure consciousness or awareness, or even a learning being, a force of creativity, etc. Given all of that, what are the antidotes to guilt and shame? The antidote to guilt requires partnership: you must co-create clean relating with those willing and make explicit agreements around guilt and learning. Specifically that guilt holds no currency and learning holds a pot of gold. Guilt is “out of bounds” either self-imposed or demanded. It is that simple. It may not be easy, but it is simple. The antidote to shame is more complicated, and more rewarding, in my opinion, and has more lasting benefits that ripple out to all areas of your life. It requires several steps of skill acquisition, and therefore continual practice:

1. Develop emotional awareness; notice when you are in the shame
2. Develop perceptual flexibility; step out and notice your emotional state thereby dis-identifying from it [NOT disassociating, but rather dis-identifying]
3. Expand your focus to include other positive representations of your behavior, and consciously expand your unconscious sense of time
4. Remind yourself that whoever you think you are [behaviors, etc.] you are more than that.
5. As always ask yourself: “how am I responsible” and “what can I learn?”
6. Add resources and imagine yourself behaving with these additional resources in the future

As you read this, and review it in your mind, you can begin to imagine, even now, how these practices and skills would give you choice and eventual freedom—and not just from shame, but with full integration, from all unnecessary negative emotional experiences. Join me in creating the kind of world in which we all want to belong. A world in which unnecessary negative emotional experiences are known to be just that—unnecessary—giving us access to a world of choice, and through that choice, joy and freedom, and through that, beauty of unknown richness. *acknowledgements: as usual, these I.D.E.A.s were inspired by [but may not be reperesentative of] work by minds greater than mine.

One of the aspects of working on and in the context of personal evolution is that I am constantly in evolution in both senses of the word--"in it", as in exploring the context and in the process of my own personal evolution as well--because you see, it is never over. Our evolution, which is really about allowing the greatest depths of ourselves to unfold and manifest in the world, is never over--because our depths are infinite. If who we are is a manifestation of the divine--an outpouring of Spirit, and the Kingdom of God is Within [and I believe it is] then there is no end to uncovering, clearing, and allowing that beauty to unfold in the world.

And I never ask my clients to do anything I have not done myself and am applying in my own life. Period. As such, this post is a little more personal for me to demonstrate that.

After my divorce, and the year-long self-reflection that followed, I realized that for the most part, what consistently happened in my romantic relating was a zero-sum type of dynamic. That at the end of my relationship with a woman, she was tangibly more empowered, more comfortable with herself, more fully embodied, and proud of her womanhood.

Partly because it was my constant practice to be sure she felt loved, had per positive qualities acknowledged somehow on an actual daily basis [not the same ones, but what authentically struck me at the moment as I appreciated her at some point], that she not only had a daily reminder, with full connection and presence of my love for her [and what I loved about her and why] but that she blushed with my acknowledgments.

It was conscious. Intentional. And the relating really cost me dearly. I was psychically drained, more dis-empowered, and frankly, less of a man by the end. It was, in fact, a zero-sum game.

It was not the things I was doing that drained me. They were rewarding to just do it. It was the lack of any reciprocal expression, I think. And I other things they did that I lacked facility around.

The contrast had never been so great than after my divorce--and the dynamics never so clear as in that marriage.

Now, I never planned it that way, but once I noticed it after the divorce, I ended up having a zero-tolerance policy for romantic relating that was not about synergistic upward spirals where both people were winning--and the relating was winning too. A triple win game. Both parties were winning--AND the actual relating was winning too. It is healthier for me to just be alone and fully empowered McClain-Ness than to be in unfulfilling and relating that ultimately cost me energetically. Although it took me a while to adjust to that, and sadly there was one relationship in which she ended up being drained...but it is all a process--and sometimes that is about the pendulum swinging the other way before it swings back the middle to finally rest upon the golden mean.

But back to zero-sum...

Let's face it--people who have little or no self-respect choose bad and even abusive relationships over being alone. Me? I would rather wake up alone, be in the company of just myself, than be in an unhealthy or un-fulfilling relationship. And I never have [and never will] just go from one relationship to another. Takes at least 6 months or so for self-reflection and the integration of the learnings before we can be responsible with another's heart, But that is all romantic...

Six years later, I am just now getting to really make sure that is generalized into all relating--not just romantic.

This is all part of how I have been consciously going through ALL of my friendships, free of sentimentality or attachment, and shrewdly examining if they are rich, dynamic, healthy, and fulfilling--or if they are just habits. And then explicitly ending the friendship or deepening and continuing the friendship with more connection, engagement, and intentionality. Regardless of how much I love the individual I am in the friendship with I may be ending. The relating must also be fulfilling. and one of the most important things for me that has the relating fulfilling is emotional engagement...rather than fear and detachment. But real engagement--yet also free of identification or enmeshment.

SOMETIMES that means me making decisions for other people when their relating with me is not serving THEM. I used to refuse to do so, thinking I was availing them of the growth opportunity to declare boundaries, make those choices themselves, develop confidence in communicating their needs, etc. But given that most people are deficient in true esteem for the self, and self-respect [part of which is demonstrated by drawing boundaries] is one of the core components of esteem for the self [along with self-efficacy] but I stopped doing that. I am now quite comfortable making choices for others when they continually demonstrate they incompetent to do for themselves--so long as it is about relating with me.

That is quite enough of the why and the what. But what about the "how" Jason?

It is all about values and forms.

One of the exercises I have clients do in Phase 2 of the Personal Evolution program [and occasionally in the professional evolution program as well] is a full life, all context examination of what is important to them [values] and how they would know if it were being experienced by them; what would they be seeing, feeling hearing, doing, and experiencing that would prover to them they were experiencing value X, Y, or Z? Conflict often happens in the form [which is why politicians are scant on policy papers before the election]. Values [freedom, security, justice] are things that everyone can agree on--we all want that. The HOW of carrying them out? Conflict arises sure as the sun also rises.

So in seeking friendships or romantic relating, it is not enough to express that "communication" is important to us. For some that will mean asking about your day. For others that will mean that if you are bothered by something, no matter how small, you share your internal process. Communication is the value, but the form is different.

Anytime we are upset, barring an unresolved event from the past or a pervasive self-esteem issue, we must look to values. So this becomes a tool for elegant communication to have your needs expressed [and met] as well. One that avoids conflict or having the other person be wrong. One that has intimacy and a deeper level of understanding arise.

But that is a story for another time.

For now, do this:

Take 3 major contexts in your life [romantic, career, community] as ask your self what is important to you in those contexts. You will know it is a "value" if it is conceptual, abstract. If you can put it in a wheelbarrow or touch it or smell it, it is NOT a value, but a form. To "chunk up" higher to the value, ask, "what's important to me about that?" If you are looking at forms, then it MUST be able to be put in a wheelbarrow--measured, touched, observed. If it can not, and it is an abstract value, then you can "chunk down" to the form by asking, "If I were experiencing _______ how would I know? What would I be seeing, feeling, hearing? What would my evidence be?"

I recommend 3 to 5 values in each context. And for each value, 3 forms or pieces of tangible evidence of that value being realized in the context.

The truth is that if you do this exercise, you might be terribly confronted by the relationship or the career you are in--or you will be relieved to have a conscious and explicit answer as to why you are not fulfilled--or you are drained, or their is conflict you can not understand.

If you are not in one of those context currently [you are single, or you are laid off, or looking for a gig] then this becomes a wonderful tool to overlay onto the person or organization. So you can consciously choose a relationship or organization that truly and consciously suits your values. Otherwise, the spiritual costs are immeasurable. No matter how great the compensation package, or how much chemistry, the spiritual costs of un-fulfilling contexts [where your values are not fulfilled] are immeasurable.

At the same time, be cautious that you are assessing others *through time*. If you only have a snap shot of them, and you are saying they do not suit you personally or professionally, you may be more living out a stage 1, low self-esteem ego game by being right and "justified" than by actually seeing a conflict of values, but that is also another story for another time.

Choose the conscious, fulfilling path. I beg of you, for you and for your Spiritual expression. while this may seem like a lot of work, it is even more of a burden--and more insidiously so--to be in unfulfilling contexts.

So, ask yourself ::: are you in a habit, or in a relationship?

I urge you to make the same or a similar real world criteria as you become more and more comfortable with who you are...and as you come to full acceptance of yourself, there is a pitfall of not caring what others think--and disregarding their feedback. Care what others think in practical terms--and care deeply--as it fosters results. Do not care about their opinions and judgments of you on a personal level. That is--think about the practical results and adjust, but know that as an internally validated man, the matter of your self-worth is settled. The question of the value you bring to people and the world in this context or that context, well, that is never settled as it depends on too many variables [each individuals expectations and sensibilities, your skill and competence in the domain, your sensitivities/awareness when adjustments are needed, market forces, etc.]. But that is a separate practical matter.

The personal: your self-worth, is a settled matter. It is...well, pick your preference/metaphor: it is good. It is priceless. It is worth-full. It is Spirit manifest. It is divine. 

As for the seeking of approval-that is obviously pretending as if your worth could be determined externally. It can not. Whether you realize it yet or not, you still have to accept the opinion of others--good, bad, right, wrong--to have their opinions matter. In other words, you have the ultimate choice still--even if you are not exercising it to as full a degree as you will enjoy in the future.

But why even do this work? What does it make possible? Why spend the time, energy, and the--at times--grueling work of dis-identification, detachment, and internalizing validity when you notice it as external? Why forgo the feel good and the short term false ego pump of compliments?

In a word: Freedom. 

Freedom from what? Freedom from the ebbs and flows of the opinions and judgements of others. Why is this important? So you can gather feedback, without the moral and emotional cloud of personal meaning. Here is the challenge with tying your valuation to another's opinions: you are not only cast about from one end to the other, AND the problem with that is that people react from and interpret through their stage of egoic, emotional, and values meme stage of development. There will be patterns and probabilities, and all feedback is valid for them, but there is only so much contorting you can engage in, and stay sane and centered, and more importantly, live authentically--true to yourself.

Additionally, believe me, as someone who has literally had people tell me I am a god [literally] on more than one occasion and at times, had people tell me I was an asshole and the devil's spawn [literally] I came to realize that no matter what they say, the truth is somewhere in the middle, and their acknowledgments and their judgments are worth only one thing: getting specifics around those experiences [I did X Y and Z in A context and they felt B emotion as a result] for the purpose of adjusting my behavior for improved results. Their characterizations are worthless except as crude pointers to their stage of development.

And even then, I have to gauge how valuable it is--determined solely by how large a percentage of people are at that stage and would react/interpret the same way. All feedback is valid--and everyone's emotional experience is val-id as it is and to be left untouched unless requested otherwise. However, not all feedback is valu-able.

Now, what I can not say is where the line is between the idea that they are responsible for their own emotional experience--and you are not--and where you are responsible for your impact on others and the results you garner. That is a line I have yet to determine for myself after nearly a decade of inquiry. I do know that I tend to move more and more towards having room for the emotional reactions I create in others-sometimes by simply walking through the room, or making a benign comment about my schedule, or not noticing someone in a room I am in--having space for that and having them feel valid without my trying to adjust their experience is a skill I am still developing and only in the last year and a half feel fully competent at. And I get it right about 65% of the time.

Circling back--the thing to remember is that you are already determining your own worth, by agreeing or disagreeing with those who assess you as good/bad or some variation. You still have to buy into their perspective. And since you are the ultimate decider, decide now, that irrespective of the value assessments they are making and the validity of the feedback, the matter of your self-worth is settled.

We were told a lie as children--something about original sin. It is more accurate to say we were born with universal innocence. And imagine, the preciousness and the innocence of a blameless child. At your core...that is you irrespective of any behaviors that are not aligned--YOU, at your core, are precious and pure, and have a hologram of divinity that you are reflecting and projecting.

To think otherwise is an error--a mistake--and nothing more.

In Service and in Evolution,

Jason

Your Self Worth is a Settled Matter 

I wrote this to a client in an email and thought it may be useful for others to read:

The mountain we climb in Personal Evolution is a bit like a mirage while hiking/climbing a mountain. You could stop now and camp for the night--or say screw it and go back down the mountainside. You can also see there is a reachable summit. So you choose to go further--yet...when you reach what you thought would be the summit, there is yet another summit that materializes out of the mist. And this goes on forever. There is no omega point except when you choose to simply stop and rest. 

Each of us have that choice every day. For some, we still consciously choose to continue to deepen our depths--and plumb just behind them. There is no end or bottom to the depth, there are only unplumbed depths. For others, they have achieved a high enough peak, that there is no motivation--no real life reason--to climb the next.  And there are others I will not list in the interests of time. I choose--consciously--to evolve further when I should or must--that is when my business or financial or relational results are inhibited by some aspect of myself. Otherwise, I am pretty darned content with where I am at--BUT I still need to have constant attention on where I need to be for others in the context in which I want to move with greater velocity--or frankly, sometimes, ANY velocity.

After the last piece on how to get clients and testimonials the same day, I had a few people ask me how to get clients if they had few or none in the past. In other words: what is the second fastest way to get clients.

The short answer is: give a talk or an evening intro to your work.

However, there are several structures you will need to have in place to make this an effective event for client acquisition.

• Give people no less than 10 days notice, but no more than 2 weeks notice about your event. This falls in the window of them making sure they schedule it, without being so far out in the future that they wait and forget.
• Give a cap to how many people will be there [limit it to 8 or 10 or 12] and require an RSVP. This does several things:
  
  • It creates more urgency for them to RSVP
  • It gives you [if you are not used to speaking in front of a large group] a manageable-sized audience so you can become comfortable with the whole affair
  • It allows you to then publish how many spots are left for the evening in a follow up email [and really, 1 email is never enough and 4 is likely too many in 2 weeks]
• Make sure you open with the fact that you are obviously there for 2 reasons [say this in the first 1 minute of your talk]:
  • To provide value such that their lives are improved whether you see each other again or not
  • "obviously" to market your services [at the end]
  • At the end, let them know what is available, but simply pass around an interest sheet that lets them opt in to a free exploratory session, or your email newsletter. Low commitment level makes it easier.
  • When you open in this manner it does 3 things:
    • it sets context and appropriately sets expectations
    • it is honest and direct and also takes away the objection they will have at the end that they were not expecting a sales pitch--tell them to expect it
    • gives them an opportunity to walk out if the do not want that experience
• Bear in mind, you have 48 hours before the prospective clients lead begins to cool off--they become less clear on what they were inspired by or moved by to ask you to contact them
• Do not waste your time or money on letting them take your card [or even having them, really, or brochures for that matter]. If you truly want to be of service, then get their permission to contact them and take the guess work and variables out of it.
• If you are publishing to multiple lists/target markets, you can do this ever two weeks, however, if you are publishing the same type of event to the same list, be aware that what happens is that if you do it more that once ever 6 weeks they will begin to take you for granted--"Oh, s/he'll be doing this in a couple weeks...so" and they won't come.

I hope this makes a difference in your life and in your business today.

In Service,

Jason

Because we are dedicated to helping coaches and practitioners reach "financial sustainability" as well as their clients maintaining "sustainability of change", nothing can be more important than putting together an offering for clients that is 3-dimensional and saying no to a session-by-session weekly commitment model.

What that means is designing a package where the offering is coherent, cogent, and comprehensive. Where the client is moving through stages or phases that logically fit together in a holarchical way--each stage building on the previous stage or phase.

But recently, nascent practitioners have been asking me essentially this questions: "what if I am not yet clear about my offering? How can I figure out what to offer them when I am so unclear yet about my deepest gifts?" I want to answer this very important question because I have noticed that requiring the apprentices to come up with a full offering can be overwhelming and does not assist them in professional evolution, but has them contract and regress.

So, backing up to more fundamental ways to build your practice when you are new:

• Go ahead and work session by session at first. Schedule that single session
• Let them know at the beginning of the session, that once they experience you, at the end of the session, you will offer them an opportunity to sign up for more--then drop the subject and focus on their needs and outcomes
  • This has them know what to expect and takes away any objection to you offering it--and gives the client a smoother more integrated experience
• At the end of the session ask them what they liked about it
• Ask them if they want more of that
• Provided you were effective, they will say yes 
• Offer them a package of 4 or 6 session with a discount if they buy them all now. For instance--buy 6 get 1 free or some such offer.

All too often I have seen practitioners say some version of "if they liked the work..." or worse, "if it is meant to be then they will ask for more".  Not necessarily. Sometimes they just need you to ask. Sometimes they get distracted. And even if true, I have found it is all too often a gussied-up way to avoid what is realling going on--fear and anxiety about selling--while pretending to have a "accept whatever happens" orientation to life.

Rarely, do I sense it is an authentic developmental stage they have reached.

Most importantly, if you truly want to be successful, you need to integrate the fact that no matter how good you are or effective at your craft, you are the locus of responsibility to make things happen.

That, and if you really care about your clients having permanent sustainable change you will offer them a package. Would you go to the gym once and expect to be able to compete in weight lifting? Would you go once and think you have reached a new level of fitness?

Hardly.

So it is with the muscles of your [and your clients'] internal experience. Help them get the exercise they need so they can attain a new level of mental and emotional fitness--a new baseline of success and fulfillment in their life, and you get financial sustainability in the process.  Together, we all create a better world.

Now that is a true win-win-win.

It is amazing how many coaches, solopreneurs, massage therapists, lawyers, etc. are competent at what they do--yet suffer financially. They are doing good, but they are not doing well--that is, they are struggling financially, mentally, and emotionally.

There are reasons for this. I have identified the top 6 reasons--and their solutions-that I have found in my experience in my own business as well as observing those who still have a "practice".

The first 3 are presented to you below. The next three will be in Part 2 in a couple of weeks.

Mistake #1:  Thinking "Money and Spirituality are in Conflict"

For some, "capitalism" is a bad word. Which makes sense. "Capitalism" was a phrase coined by the biggest enemy of the free market and free enterprise to ever live--Karl Marx. Yet, we keep that inaccurate and pejorative moniker. We were taught for thousands of years that to profit was bad--and then this meme was punctuated by the evils of capitalism laid out by a failed mathematician who had no foresight into the services industry--never mind respect for private property and Natural Law and was therefore essentially a thief on a grand scale. Even though with the rise of capitalism in the mid-1800s, our standard of living has more than trebled, never mind that our life expectancy has doubled in a short time as a result...it...is...bad.

While there was a a time when one could only profit by exploitation and manipulation or by inheritance or plunder, this has not been accurate for nearly 300 years.

[Before commenting on this, please read my series of articles on Spiritual Capitalism, found here: Read First || Read Second || Read Third.]

Maybe we should consider throwing off the chains of thinking birthed centuries before the Enlightenment and even before the founding of this Country and came to a head--and have been proven to be inaccurate, ineffective, and fundamentally broken in the last Century.

The truth is, it is not only possible to come from service and contribution in a "for profit" environment--that is to live a purpose-filled life--but also to profit well from it and to live prosperously. It takes some personal work--being mindful of your thinking, cleaning out your unconscious imprints of guilt and shame, and to constantly be of service while having sufficient esteem for your self to recognize the value you are bringing to another's life and to have them provide that value monetarily in exchange. It takes a lack of attachment to "closing that deal" and being more focused on service and "opening relationships"--and much more.

Actually, I have found what can be provided to our clients lives is priceless to them. Fees are insignificant when weighed against what the work we do in their lives will make possible. It is not a commodity. It is a gateway to greater freedom and happiness. We can live a spiritually oriented life--and integrate free-market, service-based principles into that.

By doing so, we integrate our spiritual and our financial life. This frees us from guilt, shame, and allows us to flourish spiritually while prospering financially.

Mistake #2: Underdeveloped Skill: Sales, Marketing, and Ethical Influence

We have all had negative experience with sales people. Not sales professionals, but sales people--that is, people who want to "close a deal" rather than open a relationship. And most sales trainers teach techniques with little regard for a philosophical base or grounding. I do not support that.

I used to think sales was a dirty word. That was until I realized that until I could influence people to take action in their lives--leverage them beyond their limitations--I could never really do much good in the world. You can only be a positive agent for change if you can inspire others to move beyond their current thinking--the thinking that has them in their current life situation and has stopped them from being fully free and thriving.

Therefore--if you truly want to do good in the world, it becomes your duty--yes, your duty--to assist others in overcoming their limitations. That means learning to sell and market your services in a compelling way that comes from service and contribution while combining that with powerful tool of influence.

You must gain those skills if you want to make a difference and be prosperous.

While it may be hard to swallow at first [took me years to accept] you must be a sales person first--that is you must be able to enroll others in a vision--to live your purpose and prosper.

Mistake #3: A Lack of Structure: Service, Sustainability, and Packages

One you are coming from service and contribution, you begin to consider what would best serve the client. Most practitioners have session-by-session practices or monthly packages, but they do not have comprehensive packages that have stages and phases in them. How many people out there have dabbled here and dabbled there and never really bucked down and did the deep work to reveal greater depths within themselves? I have found most clients approach their personal development this way. "Well, I have tried this and I have tried that...", [but I never really got what I needed that was deeper].

The best thing you can do as a coach or a practitioner is to find a way to create a compelling 3-stage or 3-phase offering that allows the client to reveal greater and greater depths or to attain greater and greater heights. For a massage therapist, this may mean something like:

Who or What do You Worship? The purpose of this writing is to lay out different “gods” or objects of worship as an outgrowth and/or expression of the mimetic stage [meme codes within values spheres] of individuals and groups using a rough sketch of the Spiral Dynamics model.

Be forewarned ::: this is serious personal evolution geek stuff.

I am also going to make the unusual move of saying the very premise of what I am about to lay out is inaccurate. That’s right. I am beginning by saying I am wrong in my assertion that there is an individual relationship between mimetic stage and what one “worships”. Why? Because we experience / interpret through and emotionally react from our stage of development—and an individual can therefore have an experience of a particular spirituality or spiritual expression that is the same religion and same “god” as another at a radically different stage and therefore experience it differently. However, I have noticed cultural clumps that gives us enough evidence to make these generalizations below for the purpose of engaging in this thought experiment. To understand some of what I will say in this writing, one must have an at least basic grasp of the Spiral Dynamics model. There are two summaries attached for your downloading HERE and HERE. Source ::: LINK. Review those before reading further.

My favorite way of representing Spiral Dynamics comes from Dr. Claire Graves himself: The memes are “degrees of activation of the nervous system”. These are not types of people but rather ways of thinking that are holarchically emergent within people. Having established all of the above as our foundation...

The status of the world today is precarious.

All we need to do is turn on the television or spend a day reading the New York Times, WaPo, The Wall Street Journal, Instapundit, or google news, to see some article about humans attempting to force their value system—often expressed through religiosity—onto others. Whether you are a Israeli having to worry about your existential existence while others in the name of Allah want to push you to the sea, or a secular humanist fearful of the Christian Right in America and some Nation States in Europe, or you are a secular Jew shaking your head at the expansion of settlements deeper into “Palestine”…or you were a New York Resident who watched the twin towers fall you are probably--to varying degrees—aware of and worried about religious fundamentalism and its perilous impact on the global web of life.

But there are other forms that are not as obvious and are more popularly accepted and advocated in today’s media and the latest social mimetic in vogue.

Regardless of which belief system you call your own, the dangers of religious fundamentalism are undeniable. In all likelihood, you just think it is the fundamentalism of the Other that is dangerous. But what of your own? You may or may not worship a traditional god, but there is a 98% chance you worship something—and have your own attachment and identification to it. Who or what do you worship? It may not be a god, a goddess, or a Great Spirit but it is something. Is it success, achievement, or the all-mighty dollar? Is it Gaia, Mother Earth, the biosphere? Is it the Nation State, government, or the democratic process? What do you surrender your mind to? What are you an activist for? Put your worship into? Become irrational over or about? Deny evidence to the contrary for/of? Once someone says anything is a settled matter—and are closed to debate or dialogue—and go so far as to say that those who do not agree should be tried and hanged, that, my friends, is religious fundamentalism regardless of the form of the deity. In fact, here is an organization advocating Nuremburg-Style Trials for Global Warming Skeptics. Lovely. Lovely example of fundamentalism, that is. Gaia as God/dess. Apparently we are going back to burning people at the stake for being heretics. Only the deity has changed.

Now that I have your attention, the rest of this piece will be a geek-out session of personal evolution and the emergent in spiral dynamics coupled with cultural clumps and the waves a particular god/dess or “deity” is most inclined towards.

Purple or “magic/mythic” will worship nature and the spirits in nature. The trees talk to Purple. So does the wind. They may worship the great Spirit or the Directions and their elements. Red worships power, respect, might, and most notably, blows things up in the name of Allah. Their “gods” may be the gang, the dictator, the Authoritarian State and so on. Blue/Conventional is likely to worship a Christian/Judeo god in a fundamentalist way—taking the bible or the Torah literally. Orange will worship the all-mighty dollar, success, status, and achievement, and/or hard science. Green will worship Gaia or Community or Multiculturalism and "Diversity" with great fervor and no regard for real-world results.

And thus ends Tier 1, where the “Momentous Leap”, as Dr Claire Graves called it, emerges and occurs. At Yellow, or Integral—the first stage in Tier 2, there is little or no “worship”, but rather an appreciation of all forms of worship and all metaphors [yes I said it] for the highest form of consciousness; what some refer to as “God” or Goddess”.

Having said all that, it is possible for someone to rise through these emergent stages in one of any of the religions or forms of worship listed above—but the way they interpret it moves from maniacal and fervent to literal to obedient to questioning to rejecting to appreciating it for its metaphorical value--yet having choice around it. And as one rises through those waves, stages, or levels of development in relationship to it, its grasp and its “Truth-ness” becomes less and less rigid and less and less fundamentalist and therefore less and less violent both physically and metaphorically. We hold our beliefs less rigidly and in relationship with them, our beliefs do not hold onto us quite so rigidly either. They lose their grip on us.

So…who—or what—do you worship? Each memetic stage in the evolution of values [another way of thinking about and representing SD] has its own fixation and spiritual expression. Is it God? Jehovah? Allah? Is it the Market? is it Gaia? Is it Community or the State?

Consider this ::: your view, while accurate and valid, is incomplete. It is partial. It must be. They all are. I look forward to a day when we can all truly appreciate the value and beauty in all beliefs while creating a stable and sustainable dialogue between all of them as we transcend our fundamentalism in all forms and create an Integral and integrated world.

One of the biggest mistakes practitioners and solo business people make is marketing to themselves. That is to say their marketing and their marketing materials speak to their own sensibilities--but may or may not speak to the sensibilities of the ideal clientele they want to reach.

One of the challenges I see so many coaches and solopreneurs struggle with is what they should charge for their services. Most do not know what they should charge. Many charge what they think they can get. Some charge whatever the next coach or practitioner charges. That is--"the going rate". Many charge what they would be willing to pay themselves. Most charge less than they are worth--while improving the lives of others dramatically.

But why? And what are the solutions to this travesty of value?

There are three primary reasons:

• Mistakingly thinking they are actually trading time for money, and/or that their services are a commodity. A thing to purchase
• Limiting beliefs; usually about themselves or the value they bring at their very core-and what they or their services are worth, what the prospective client would be willing to pay, or about money in general
• A lack of sales skill; they do not know how to create accurate yet inspiring value perceptions in the prospective client that make the fees irrelevant or appear minimal in comparison to what they are getting through the service.

How the heck do you determine or set your rate?

What are your services and/or your offering actually worth?

There are two answers to "how do you determine the rate?", or "what should I charge?":

• 20% more than you feel comfortable asking for
• Whatever the market can bear: whatever you can consistently get in return for your services or product

I have never met a solopreneur or some other type of small business person, who was in their first 5 years in business, who I have not advised to raise their rates. After understanding what they do, I examined their rates, and told every single one of them to raise them about 10% to 20%. They were all dramatically undervalued and undervaluing their offering.

You Might Be as Well

There is fear around raising rates for most people. They think they will see less clients, and as a result, have trouble with their financial obligations, they fear people will not pay that rate, and ultimately they either lack confidence in themselves and their offering, or they themselves are making the mistake of confused value perceptions; they do not see the true value for themselves.

So especially if you are just starting out or you are in the first few years of building your business, as a general rule of thumb, you should add 10% to 20%. Not so much that you are anxious about it, but enough to expand your beliefs about your value.

What can the market bare? In other words, charge whatever people are willing to pay. Ultimately, the consumers of your services set the rates. If your conversion rates of prospects to clients is too low [and I say it is too low if you can not reasonably count on them signing up], then your rate may need to be adjusted down. However, where you look first, is your ability to sell or enroll others in your services. Be careful to look there first. Anyone can get better at anything. Lowering your rates serves no one--least of all the client.

Clients who pay more are more serious about the work--and they get more accomplished in a shorter period of time. AND you show up at an ever grater level of excellence at a higher rate, multiplying this exponentially.

This is why I do not allow friends or family to subsidize a clients work for them with me.

They can borrow the money--they will take that seriously--but they may not be gifted any number of sessions. It is for the clients own good. And in the case of their borrowing it, I usually conduct my due diligence in making sure my work with them relieves more stress than it creates, so if there are underlying issues around money in their relationship, I may still decline that, not wanting to exacerbate them.

Additionally, if you told me you were unable to get the rate you wanted, I would ask a few questions

• Can't get it from whom? Which market? There is always someone somewhere who can afford you and will see the value in it. The higher the rates, the smaller the pool of prospective clients as a matter of financial and numerical fact, but you can get it from the right target market
• How confident and relaxed are you when they review the agreement and see the fees? Do you communicate worth and confidence? Or do you communicate an opening for a negotiation? Do you communicate uncertainty? Or--god forbid--do you ask them if it is too high as you project your own unresolved issues around money onto them? [The client has enough of their own limitations--they do not need you to add yours]
• Are you selling from vision and possibility and creating more accurate and inspiring value perceptions in the prospect--or are you trading time for money?
• How effective are you at inspiring, enrolling, and re-framing concerns?
• Where do you need to gain additional skill?

No matter how good you are, you can ALWAYS improve your sales and communication skills.

Those are the questions we explore first to be an Evolutionary Professional--to be constantly improving our efficacy at leveraging others beyond their limitations to have the life they dream of. There is always something you could have done to make a difference in the process. Examine that and only that. After that inquiry is exhausted, then you can indulge in examining how the client X,Y or Z. And it is, in fact, an egoic indulgence unless you are clarifying what a "qualified" prospect is.

You also need to look at what your intake process and your behavior is telling the client and yourself about what are you selling and offering? What are you offering? How clear are you when you communicate that? Do you communicate competence? Where do you come from or what platform do you stand on? What does your approach and your behavior presuppose as organizing principles. Not espoused beliefs or platitudes, but rather--integrated and aligned behavior.

One of the organizing principles I shared with my Apprentices and Evolutionary Professional clients and I will share with you now is this: You are not selling them on your service or product. It is a mistake to think so no only for your relationship to your own fees, the client's relationship to your fees--their investment--but also your level of fulfillment. If you try to sell them on how great your product or service is, you run the risk of some dynamics that will be set you up to less effective.

What you are selling them is a solution to a problem, or an access--a gateway--to the vision they have for themselves. Therefore:

Inspire them Towards Their Vision and Leverage Them Beyond Their Limitations; Never Try to Convince Them of the Value of You or Your Service

It often becomes a matter of convincing them that your product or service is worth XYZ for beginning and even journeyman or mid-level seasoned practitioners. Not only does that not serve the client, but it leaves you with results that are unpredictable. That is to say that if you have someone come in for an exploratory session, or an initial consultation, that you can not say with certainty they will sign up until they do. Wouldn't you rather be certain, in your mind, that they will? If you are trying to convince them, there is a 50/50 chance they may polarize against your points, and suddenly you are in a debate.

Do not sell the client on your products or services--guide them to selling themselves with more accurate and more visionary value perceptions. In your presentation, do no selling. In your presentation, demonstrate competence.

I have never had the debate or polarized communication with a client in an exploratory session. It has never happened to me in my business because of the Organizing Principle on bold above. I urge you for the sustainability of your business and for the benefit of your clients to try it on.

Additionally [and worse for the clients' experience] if you are trying to convince them, it had you be attached and has you be "jerky" and potentially jumping on a client's concern or objection immediately to try and address it--by telling them how great your product or service is, in whatever way you do that. Or worse, telling them [or saying something they can interpret as] their objection is invalid, in whatever way you do that.

This is yet another reason you must come from a platform of service and contribution. If you come from a place of just closing the deal to be making money, or relating to your clients and prospectives clients as objects to be moved around like chess pieces hoping to checkmate your financial obligations, you will behave differently than if you are coming from service and contribution. They will sense this on some level or another. They will not know what it is, or perhaps even how to describe it, but it will show up for them in some was a a lack of rapport, or safety, or trust in your motives. That is the very thing that no longer works in the 21st Century Marketplace.

Every successful business person is a marketer and a salesperson first. If you want to be successful, you should consider that as your primary organizing principle. If you want to thrive, rather than just survive, then your primary focus needs to be on generating business and leads—and then opening those relationships.

• Are your marketing dollars working for you? How do you know?

One of the biggest mistakes a small businessperson can make is not being able to track their marketing dollars. That ad you placed—did it get any response or not? How do you know? That yellow page placement-is it increasing your business traffic? How do you know? Are your dollars well placed with the print advertising, TV spots, radio, or other form? How can you know? Did it even pay for itself? The key words you purchased on google or yahoo search—are they effective? Are they garnering traffic?

That person you are paying 10$ an hour to stand on a street corner and pass out fliers—are they even asking any questions, or just silently trying to thrust the paper into people’s hands to get rid of the fliers--bacause, you know, you pay them for how many they pass out, not how many leads you get from it.

What are you paying per lead generated with these methods? How do you track the efficacy of your advertisement and marketing and therefore make informed choices as to whether or not your dollars are well placed?

There are several ways:

• Place a landing page.
  • In the age of the internet, you simply MUST have a “landing page”. A landing page is a web page accessible to only those who would have seen a specific marketing piece. An example would be: http://YOURDOMAIN.com/magazine-name-where-the-ad-is-placed.html and the like. In this way, you can look at the referral logs of your web traffic counter and see just how many hits and clicks you are getting as a result of a specific ad placement or marketing prong.
    • Site Meter is a good one, as is Google Analytics, and if you are running google adwords campaigns, you may want to have all of those resources in one place
  • You can also set up a specific toll-free number to take messages specific to that marketing piece
• Test your ad copy. Just because you did not get as much response as you would have liked does not mean the venue in which you placed the ad is ineffective. It may be your ad copy, or often more importantly—the headline of the ad—that could be more effective.
• Use a tracking code. If you have someone handing out fliers, put some sort of tracking code on the flier so you can use that number, or landing page, or phone number to track your dollars to leads ratio.

The worst example I have recently seen of wasted marketing dollars was for a chiropractic clinic. They had people handing out fliers—but you would never have known what it was for. The flier distributor was standing on a busy financial district street corner—a location where there were probably plenty of prospects who could use an adjustment. However the person hired to hand the fliers out was simply attempting to thrust them into people’s hands. No engagement. No rapport. No questions or offers. No return on invested marketing dollars.

How much were they being paid by the clinic? How much more effective could those marketing dollars have been if they simply asked: “would you like to relieve your stress more effectively?” or some variant, and ONLY hand the fliers to those who said yes. How many people who needed the service walked on by because they simply did not want an unknown piece of pink paper in their hands?

We will never know—and neither will the clinic that hired them. What we do know is that there were plenty of wasted marketing dollars in that marketing endeavor.

Be sure to avoid their mistakes. Stop flushing your marketing dollars down the toilet. Begin now by following the simple steps above to make the most of your marketing dollars.

Another huge mistake people make is marketing to themselves. What would motivate them is often not what would motivate their target market or their ideal clientele. Buut that is another article for another time.

In Service,

Jason

[Listener Question]

It is unbelievable what I missed the first time through.

Yes. Most people do not believe me [or perhaps literally do not hear me] when I say to listen at least three times through all the way first because of what is missed by the human physiology/sense tools the first time--and even the second. Additionally, you are different, deeper, richer, or just plain have a new focus and so hear things differently--or perhaps for the first time, not having the ability to receive it/fit it into your linguistic or conceptual structures the last time you heard it--even after several listenings. I still re-listen to audio products I bought 10 years ago and hear them in ways that blow my mind now.

I do have one questions...how do I pace myself through the program. First time through was as you were releasing new episodes... now i have 16. I'm fighting back the urge to do them all at once.....

Thank you for this very important question. That depends on your own process and your internal processing. If you are a more kinesthetic person [talking slower, looking down a lot, feeling, touchy feely, perhaps], then you will get it more deeply, but it will take you longer to fully understand the scope. If you have good auditory digital recall, you may remember verbatim the first time--the guy who never studied in college, but always attended the lectures, then aces the final is one example of someone with good auditory digital processing. A visual person will often think they have it, because the understand it cognitively the first time--and very rapidly, but they do not have it deeply in their neurology and will lose or miss stuff thinking they already "know" it because they understood it rapidly. These people have the toughest time accepting that they understand it or cognize it, but have not necessarily "learned" it. When I say "learn" I do not mean remember or understand cognitively, I mean that they actually behave from the mindset, or that it is their patterned response--their new habit pattern or new emotional reaction or their "natural" way or predictable way of responding. On that note, a while back I wrote a piece to support this titled Insight and Integration. You can read it HERE. So...how do you pace yourself? I would make sure you listen to episodes 0 through 16 all the way through at least three times so that you can the model in your mind to such a degree that you can trouble shoot your own performance from an objective perspective. That requires you to mentally and conceptually hold the entire model in your mind. Do that all the way through. THEN go back slowly and go through it to do the exercises and play with the ideas and component parts individually. And remember--there is no inherent number of times to listen to it when you are "done". You are never done--there is just the asymptotic nature of Personal and Professional Evolution. The question is two what degree and in which contexts have I integrated it? Hope this helps!

"Ego" has fallen on such hard times, particularly in the West for precisely the same reasons that are implicit above: most people seldom develop beyond stage 1 or 1.5 with their own ego, and since that stage of egoic development gets all the press, as it is loudest and most offensive to the senses, and most people are intuitively [and rightfully so] hesitant to talk about stages, as sadly most people use it to imply superiority in the context of worth, we engage in false reductionism  and label all "ego" as bad.  In that moment we engage as well in a bit of self-hatred [we must] and create internal dissonance [again, necessitated by our thinking] and yet, if ego is the very seat of our consciousness, there is no way to "annihilate" or "transcend " our ego. To attempt to do so is tantamount to philosophical suicide.

And there is insurmountable evidence proven by plenty of studies, from Dr Graves to Kolberg to Gilligan that these waves of unfolding are bigger in terms of how much they can contain and the number and breadth of what they can relate to; from ego-centric to ethno-centric to world-centric.

So, we can not truly or actually transcend it or annihilate it. However, we can evolve it.

So...what about stage 2? Stage 2 is not the vengeful ego, but an egoic consciousness focused on Justice. And stage 3 would be focused (or have a center of gravity around) or be Grace-centric and world centric. It is also often quietest--yet energetically "largest" or "Brightest". Think of the force of the ego of Mother Theresa. Imagine her penetrating eyes. The light she must have been in the room. Meek only in the traditional quiet voice sense, but radical Spirit manifest; hardly meek in the egoic sense.

And if we consider that, sweeping aside our preconceived notions about what the word ego usually means in our popular culture, and we begin to get a grasp onto that very upward spiral we all inherently must climb as we ascend or deepen in our own developmental paths, we see the truth.

At this point you may be asking what the heck this has to do with being in business for yourself?!

Let's look at self-esteem.

We use Dr Nathaniel Branden's definitions that self esteem has two equal and necessary parts or components: knowledge of your efficacy [knowing you are competent and effective enough to handle what life throws at you] and your self-respect, or the feeling that you deserve to be here and have a good life; that you are "appropriate to life". We could think of these two components as: your value (in the marketplace) and your worth (your divinity); your negotiated worth and your unquestionable worth; that which can be developed and improved and marketed and that which is unquestionably priceless. Your guilt [the feeling that we did a thing that was in violation of our own value set as Mr Mark Michael Lewis states] and our nervous system is more activated to be sure we do not do it again] and our Shame [the extra move of then judging ourselves as worthless or "bad" at our core as a result.

You must begin to understand that most have their value and their worth collapsed. This is why we engage in shame: we confuse our efficacy with our worth; our finances with who we are at our core; our social reputation with our divine nature. But your self-worth is a settled matter-no matter how much you attempt to outsource it to others and give them the apparent right to pass judgment on you and determine your "worth". At the end of the day, you have to agree or disagree with them to feel into their judgments.

No one can truly impact your self-esteem positively or negatively without you first giving them permission. Period.

Otherwise, we would call it "other esteem". Heh.

I have yet to find someone going into business for themselves for the first time who did not suffer unnecessarily from questions of worth, self-doubt, and/or inquiring "who are they to X, Y, Z.".

Who are you not to? Who are you to keep your gifts from the world? To make that global choice? That is the chilling question.

But on a more practical level, your self-esteem, or your level of egoic development in the healthy sense, will determine how quickly you rebound from negative and unexpected results. It will determine how well you are paid in relationship to how much value you offer others in their lives-and how easily you ask for what you are owed. It will determine how quickly you adjust and adapt to current fluctuating market conditions. It will determine how easily you accept and incorporate feedback. It will determine how easily you can admit errors and move on...

All necessary attributes for a thriving solo-preneur. All necessary attributes for you to thrive in a freer market economy. All questions ignored, stepped over, or only [if forced to] embarrassingly addressed by most courses in small business or even in courses like our CLC. Questions that in the Coaching the Life Coach program we spend an entire module on-and we do it first. Until these errors in thinking, as well as flashpoints in our past are addressed and resolved to a certain degree, teaching you how to build a business will only increase your anxiety and create internal dissonance.

And that would be...well...unkind.

Action steps:

Make a decision today to ask yourself these two questions any time you get results that are unpleasant or unwanted, and could be blamed on another external force, albeit the government, the market at large, your target market, or even God/dess Almighty her/himself:

1.    How am I responsible?
2.    What can I learn [that is positive or empowering; what structures can I put in place to resolve it?]

The first question may be hard to swallow. Good.  You will need to expand your sense of who you are to answer it honestly and usefully. And remember: responsibility does NOT equal fault or blame. Those are separate matters. Take this practice on and you will begin to evolve your ego.

Why?

Because to be able to step into a world-centric life or spiritual purpose, developing an ego that is large enough to take that on without internal questions of doubt and worth is essential for your happiness and your internal harmony. Both things which, even while stretching and challenging you, I hope these writings will increase.

In Service,

Jason D. McClain

Read this sentence to yourself in your mind or out loud:

"My life is the sum total of my own choices; the state of my business is the sum total of my choices".

As you read that and re-read that, what is your experience? Do you feel excitement? Pride? Shame? Do you sense a burden on your shoulders? What does it weigh in your mind? Do you quickly move to insist it is not your "fault". That it was out of your control? That it was this circumstance or that circumstance? That you were "wronged"? Or "unlucky"?

Or do you experience a comforting and/or challenging level of acceptance. A "yup" with a quiet nod of your head?

One thing is for certain-your relationship to that sentence is a good indicator of your level of self-esteem, or your level of healthy egoic development in the positive sense. You see, it is not the big ego that needs defending or asserting in the world; it is the small ego. It is not the big ego that is arrogant, self-righteous, or deflects responsibility and blames others; it is the small, pre-rational, pre-conventional, vengeful, ego-centric ego.

It is a challenging re-frame for most to get their minds around. But just ask yourself this: what kind of ego could achieve a non-dual sense of reality; what kind of ego could be one with all things, moment to moment? A big, huge ego. An ego so large it can be a yes to whatever is arising moment to moment and relate to it, be a part of it. That takes an expanded sense of self. Yet that ego is also diffuse. It is large, but it is flexible. It lacks rigidity. It does not need defending or asserting; it understands its power. As a result, there is nothing to prove to anyone-not even itself.

It is exceedingly rare that another writer captures my sensibilities perfectly. Sam Rosen has done just that in his article on Consciousness vs. Conversions. Hop on over and check it out.

Daniel from Portugal [http://yogaportugal.com] writes:

I am really loving [Evolutionary Sales] it has turn my world around, I am listening to them in order and I am now on ES012 so if the next 2 two question I have for you have already been answered on the show I would appreciate it if you could direct me to it.

The idea of an integrity and service-based sale is one that I even without knowing had been searching for quite some time, I am very glad I have found you.

Glad you are finding it of value.

As I said I have two questions that have been haunting me.

1. What if when talking to someone you are trying to sell to you realize that the person doesn’t need the product you are selling? You make it seem like it is always a matter of the right context and the right motivational techniques.

I walk away from the sale. I tell them I do not think it is a fit or that it will not serve them. It is that simple and that direct. No amount of money is worth the hassles that will come from trying to force it. It rarely happens to me because I make sure to qualify them [by "qualify" I mean that I need to be reasonably certain--over 85% certain--that I can be of service to them effectively and assist them in getting what they want]. But if and when it does happen, I do exactly what is stated above.

2. I would like to know how much thought you have gave to the notion of not permitting the person to wait before making the decision. I have develop a philosophical principle so to say that I should not decide any big amount of money sale on my first contact with the sales person. I has served me well in the past for I have examples of things that now I am really glad I haven’t bought and I have examples of things that each day that passed until I bought it my motivation to get it just kept rising and so did my faith in the product and the sales person. Someone who urges me to make a decision right then always strucks me as wanting to sell. But when someone is confident in their product enough not force to make a decision it may well be that I am there in the next day to “open the relationship”.

It is a great question. It is also a very common one, so I am glad to finally address it publicly.

In my business, people come to me wanting certain mental habits resolved, e.g.; fear, anger, anxiety, etc. They want other things too, but they know they want these negative habit patterns. If they go away to think about it, then they will start to have those same mental habit patterns that they have come to me to resolve take over. I have then essentially failed my first test as their Guide.

Now, if the business we some business other than the one I am in, then sure.

But with my business, what serves them best is to have them sign when they are clearest on my presentation, and are clearest as to the benefits. That means in that session. It has nothing to do with levels of confidence in my offering. Rather confidence in what will happen when they leave--and I simply tell them that all up front and directly.

They agree in most all cases. They know it is the truth. I think it is also critical that they never feel "pressured". They never do. I often will simply shrug when I tell them the above. I say it casually, in a relaxed manner, with nothing for them to resist. I am never attached to someone signing. If they sign under pressure, the sale might drop off. That serves no one.

When the reason for signing is a simple truth they know to be true, and I am coming from that place of service, it just has them all the more convinced I can [and do] help them. It is also hard to argue with 97.7% [my current opening ratio averaged for the last 3 years with 220 prospects with a significant commitment to a 6-month agreement ]. If my ratio were lower, I might look there first.

My wife recently went to an English language school and what threw her off was exactly that. All the reasons they had for making her sign a 2 year agreement right in that moment. What ended up happening was that she found another school in which she didn’t felt pressured to make rash decisions.

I must say that I would be feeling better if I could have the time I want to ponder and then acquire the product, EVEN if that meant not taking the advantage of a special discount for on the moment decision. I would gladly pay 10% or whatever more to have the time to decide for myself if I want the product or if I was just influenced by the momentum of the salesman and the occasion.

I really hope you truly give this a thought and not just answer in your answer/question mode on how to do something, for I would like to know that you can relate to this concern.

To be clear for other listeners, I do not offer a discount for making a decision at any point. I do offer a 10% discount for payment in full, but there is no monetary incentive for the decision itself. I think that would cloud things and would not serve the client.

As far as your wife and that situation goes, if she felt pressured, then they were not coming from service--but rather wanting to reach an objective. I am sorry to hear she had that experience, and to me, it simply means it was not a fit.

That was also a life-altering decision in many respects, and should be carefully considered so wanting time should be allowed. I have had clients refuse to decide in the session, and I simply stay very engaged with them until they do make a choice [one way or the other] so we are partnered; I make sure I am very available for any questions or concerns as they arise over the next day or so. But that is a very rare exception to the general policy for the reasons stated below and above, summarized as it simply does not serve them to go and "think about it" as their thinking usually has them needing my services to one degree or another.

As far as this particular strategy, I have considered it and reconsidered it for years. That is not to say that I am not considering it carefully now; more to say that it is always open for review. All of my techniques are. :-) Usually, when it arises as an issue for the client, I ask them two questions:

1. Is this concern [fear, indecision, etc.] the concern that stops them in other areas of their life. In other words, is this one of the issues they need resolution on. If yes, I let them sort it out and they usually simply sign the contract. If they say no ...
2. I ask them, "how heavily would you like me to leverage you here on a scale from 1 to 10? What would best serve you?"

They answer and I do just that. If they say do not leverage me at all, well, I don't. If they ask me to, I do to the degree they ask for it. If the answer to question 1 is yes, and it is signifigant for them, I have to stay with that. Again, if it is a limitation in their life they have come to me to resolve, I would not be serving them if I let it run their life in this situation as too. AND I am transparent about all of this to them [and heck, now it is here for them to read. Heh.]

In Service and in Transparency,

Jason

How Has the Marketplace's Current Economic Conditions Affected Our Business?

There is more money now for coaches, consultants, and holistic practitioners who are effective than before the economic downturn; it is also harder to acquire it [for some/most].

How can this be?

What do I mean?

People know they need assistance in being more effective now. Those in business for themselves who were able to scrape economic cream off the top are no longer able to; money is not simply just bubbling forth. As a result, they are looking for coaches and practitioners to assist them in gaining skill, becoming more effective, systematizing their businesses, etc.

And in some cases, if they are aware enough, becoming more at ease both physically and emotionally.

What this translates to is more business for those of us who are effective both at providing service to our clients, but also at turning prospective clients into clients and clients into raving fans.

For coaches and practitioners, this is a good thing if you are effective.

If you are not, this is the End of Days for your practice.

I would prefer if you were in the former category rather than in the latter.

Simultaneously, prospective clients are making more careful choices-there is plenty of choice out there. Where they put their money Is now a more conscious choice;  a more careful choice.

Your process needs to be immaculate or they will go somewhere else.

Simultaneously, people want more for their money and there is less latitude and grace for ineffective, non-results-producing practitioners. And they may be out of work, and they may have the time to actually invest in the endeavor of reporting their results-no matter how wildly inaccurate they may perceive the process of working with you. [Frankly, I have become more careful about who I take on as a client as a result].

What that means to you is that not only do you need to be a more effective practitioner all the time, but you also need to become a more and more effective sales professional all.the.time.

To assist you in that, there is a free event in San Francisco on April 28th in the evening. See details about that here:

http://tinyurl.com/clbnek

Why NOT to Use "Hypnotic Sales" Techniques:

Often I get asked to teach someone "hypnotic sales" or some variation; anchoring, state association, etc. The idea is that if you associate someone into a positive state, then anchor yourself to that for them, this will be an effective sales technique--even if it has nearly nothing to do with your offering or the functional fit between your prospective client, and their needs with your services.

There are other ideas and approaches about this, but I am going to give just that one example. They are all of that flavor.

These techniques are thought to be very powerful, and some of the most effective techniques available. Which is partly true. They may be in the very short-term sense. They are also a nightmare strategically, in the long-term sense. Not only do I advise against it, I categorically consider them unethical in most situations.

If a prospective client cannot remember how they arrived at the decision to work with you [and as a good measure, if you can not easily remind them in writing over an email] then you are going to have blowback at some point in the future.

"Buyer's remorse" does not quite cover it.

So not only do I have people agree that they will only use the tools of influence that I do teach in service of someone else's outcomes [not their own], but I also advise against and refuse to teach hypnosis or anchoring in the context of sales and influence in the Evolutionary Sales process. It is anathema to all that Evolutionary Sales is. If you are always coming from the place of using tools of influence ONLY to assist another in achieving their outcomes, it is virtually guaranteed you
 be selling ethically.

Now there are trainers and entertainers and presenters and "edutainers" who not only use the hypnotic sales techniques, but teach it, brag about it, and sell products to do the very things I mentioned above as unethical in my not-so-humble opinion. I have also dealt with enough of their customers post-fact that I can say the resentments and shattered hopes as a result of that strategy is frustrating to watch and painful to behold, empathetically.

On the one hand, given the volume that people like Christopher Howard and Tony Robbins produce in terms of attendees, it is hard not to be grateful for what they are doing in the world in exposing people to rapid transformation. And to be honest, I am not sure how you could do it any other way in terms of sales with a crowd that large.

While hypnotic sales may be effective and the only viable solution in a large crowd [I question that, but it is efficient for short-term-monetary gain]; it is a toxic approach for those of us in solo-businesses as practitioners. 

There is a better way, where all sides are more effectively served. 

 What I do know is that if you are opening a relationship [rather than "closing deals"] You must engage the prospect in inquiry, mostly to be certain you can be of service. Once that is assured, direct them to consider if they did have the solution they seek what it would open up in their lives and then if you are certain you are a fit for their needs and they are a fit for you, then you can ethically open the relationship.

This is the process we teach in the Coaching the Life Coach Apprentice Program. This is the approach that assures conversion rates of over 95% AND what I call a "stick rate". In other words--no relationship fall off from buyer's remorse.

At the upcoming event I am not only going to teach this entire ethical sales process for free, but I will give you all the nuts and bolts you need to have high conversion rates in your introductory sessions.

Every nut and bolt I know how to deliver to you. In service of you having sustainability of finances, your clients having sustainability of change, so we can all create a better world together as we accelerate the Evolution of Consciousness.

Join us. RSVP now to reserve your spot

{readmore}

One of the CLC3 Apprentices recently asked me a very important question.

He asked about the problem of becoming attached to the outcomes of the client--in other words, “what happens if they do not achieve them? What happens if they do not hold up their end of the bargain [doing homework, reading, etc.], and what does that mean about us? How do I avoid this problem—and the discomfort of it all”.

“And what happens if--even worse, they have already paid in advance in full and it becomes clear they are not keeping up with the milestones that are necessary as sign-posts on the way to their destination we call 'goals' or 'outcomes'? What do we do?”

This is an important question and it has a several-part answer. It is important because it comes up for most coaches and practitioners; at some point you really, really want XYZ for the client. Yes, they must be outcomes the client wants [not outcomes you see they "need" but they do not resonate with] but even still, with their outcomes we get emotionally engaged--we care--and we want them to have XYZ really badly.

Part of the challenge is that we are not responsible for the lives of our clients--we can't be. They would get less out of the process if we were; at best, we would actually be inhibiting their growth if we take on that responsibility. They might blame us; they would take less responsibility for creating the life they want and deserve. It could become the coaches "fault" or for some, the coaching [or whatever you call the process] will be just another thing that did not work for them, etc.

And we created that with our attachment.

So the first part of the answer is to make clear to the client--practically--that we are not responsible for their life; that they are. How do we do this? We write it directly into the client-coach agreement that they "are responsible for the results of their life, business, relationship", etc. And given how some people can be when they are making large life-altering decisions, we review the agreement and then we further clarify and have them initial each paragraph while reviewing it with them to make sure we have done our due diligence as a practitioner in making sure they understand the nature of the relationship is one of trusted adviser--nothing more—and that they understand the agreement in full.

That is the practical aspect.

What about the interpersonal aspect? The actual coaching dynamic? Because you see, to complicate matters if you seem attached [that is you start become emotionally attached to their outcomes, you may engage them in a way that has them polarize, dig in, and resist you--and they start to resist you in ways that will not serve the process overall.

Or worse...

Or worse--they do not do their "homework"--whatever that may be or represent--and they are scared to tell you. In the worse cases they may simply go missing in action. Or they become dishonest.

This is simply another reason I am not a "coach" I am a "Guide" and that approach is something I am careful to embody in every interaction--they do not do their "homework" I communicate to them--with a compassionate smile and a shrug--that I want them to get their outcomes. That I care; and I may even ask them how they best want to be supported. How they want to be held accountable--and I have them design the dynamic.

I have found this softer approach--with nothing for them to resist or push back against--is far more effective than any hard-nosed techniques by far.

Finally [and at times most importantly] is our own development as we, as practitioners, continue our path: who we are is not the results we assist clients in achieving [both positive, amazing over-the-top goals as well as "failures". Who we are is not that.

Those are the results we assist them in producing, to be sure, and we are professionally responsible for that, but who we are is that which is experiencing it all. Who we are is that Witness; that locus of awareness. And as we come from that place, we will be even more effective, they will feel more freedom to expand and grow within that gentle, ever-present embrace. From that place, where universal beauty unfolds, we are reminded why we do what we do--for that expansion. And within that expansion a better, more joyous, more beautiful world awaits us all.

Swift kicks in the butt are not my style--they are not what I do or what I offer. BUT I know they are necessary at times for us all.  AND, every once in a while, someone comes along who not  only cares about you, but can kick you in the butt in just the right way.
 
Once in a while I run across an offer I think is worth supporting/advocating and forwarding from someone I approve of. Someone I think you can benefit from. Someone with immaculate integrity--who will also bring crazy value to your life. And someone who truly cares--at a deep level--about assisting you in improving your life.
 
This is the first offer like that that I am advocating on this site, in well over a year, so you can imagine that this is a good one.
Meet David Martin.

I like to think of David as the Tony Robbins for Central and South America. He speaks to groups that are over 500 people at a time--and not only is he a Master Practitioner of NLP, but an amazing motivational speaker--AND he really, really cares about people--and he knows how to kick your butt.

Anyway, David's got a crazy download deal for audio material he has recorded. If you need your butt kicked--he's your guy.  
Check it out HERE.
 
I'm not sure how long he is offering this--I know it will not be up forever--but either way I suggest you get over there and take advantage of this opportunity--especially, as I said, you need a good butt kicking.
 
*chuckling*
Check it out HERE:
http://www.profcs.com/app/?af=984126
 
In Service and In Evolution,
 
Jason

somebody i met was asking me if NLP processes can change an identity layer as deep as sexual orientation.

Great question. Several ideas about it:

There are some aspects of sexual orientation that may extend into identity structures, but I am uncertain about the presupposition that there is where it lays--in fact, after seing hundreds of clients, for some people it creates tremendous internal dissonance when they finally admit to their desires because it is directly in conflict with their identity structures. In other words, I disagree with the presupposition in the question.

this guy is straight and very open-minded. i think he genuinely wanted to know about the range and reach of NLP. i did tell him that i did a training with richard bandler in 88 or 89 where he *claimed* that guys (terrified of aids) had begged him to "make them straight" AND he said that he did that!

Bandler may have in fact done that.  Again, lots of "instant research" in the early days. But if Bandler did it and was bragging about it, I would be even more hesitant. Bandler once bragged in a video I watched about installing a phobia in someone so they would stop sitting in the front row. Ugh. However, there is a documented intervention [Laid out in "Heart of the Mind", I think] where a guy was effeminate, and supposedly gay, married, but did not enjoy sex with men [or something like that] and there was an event where he was going under anesthetic, struggled, and was put under. This was somehow tied to the effeminate-ness and cleared and his orientation "changed" to straight.

Again, not sure the guy was ever really homo-erotically driven.

NOW, i am open-minded, so i said i think that there are aspects of person's 'taste' for certain things could be altered and very likely even the cues for arousal. i am also aware that there is a big difference between chemistry/attraction and a constructed identity--so yes an 'identity' could be shifted. BUT I don't really know if the primary gender attraction could change.

Yeah. I agree with you here.

thoughts?

Of course.

If someone came to me wanting to change their sexual orientation/gender attraction, I would probably decline to do so. But I would do it elegantly in this way ::: Get into communication wiht the part of them that feels like something is wrong with their desires [assuming consenting adults] and look at the guilt and shame that must be driving the desire to change and resolve that to make them okay with their mutually consensual, alternative, yet natural desires. Thereby sidestepping what I consider to be a questionable intervention.

To me, that is a more ethical approach, rippling out to areas in every aspect of their life, creating internal peace, and avoiding making change that is motivated in the ways this request for change likely would be.

It is not the thing itself [sexual orientation in this case] that is the problem, but the relationship to it the creates it as a problem.
And again, just because we can, does not mean we should.

Self-acceptance being one of the highest and deepest contributions we can make to our clients.

Jason

"When people are free to act, they will always act in a way that they believe will maximize their utility, i.e., will raise them to the highest possible position on their value scale. Their utility ex ante will be maximized, provided we take care to interpret “utility” in an ordinal rather than a cardinal manner. Any action, any exchange that takes place on the free market or more broadly in the free society, occurs because of the expected benefit to each party concerned.” –Murray N. Rothbard, Power and Market

"We must not be afraid to be free."--Justice Black

Human beings have an inexhaustible spirit. Through wars, pestilence, oppression, disasters, genocide and personal tragedy, human beings continue to express creativity and ingenuity to the very degree that they are allowed the liberties to do so. It is an unquenchable and inexhaustible Spirit. It is the best—the Divine—within each of us that makes it so. And while at times, we have varying degrees of access to the divine within us, and sometimes the light is dim and flickers, the fact remains that there is a god or goddess in all of us waiting to come out and play.

What if we could integrate our work and our play? Our spirit and our finances? Our economics and our purpose? Our job and our internal worship? The mundane and the divine? My assertion is that not only is this possible...it is necessary...for the conscious evolution of the planet and for our survival and thrival as a species ::: not to mention our personal happiness.

As many of us our satisfied--that is we have all the nice stuff. Cars, houses, fine clothing, computers, iPods, great relationships, money...but we remain unfulfilled. How many of us are seeking something. Trying to fulfill ourselves with something outside? How many of us have done this ourselves? Seeking, looking, grasping...some of us desperately. And yet, what we seek is right within us all along waiting to be discovered. Waiting to be unleashed. Waiting for the full integration into our daily lives...

Spiritual and Capitalism are two words that we seldom, if ever, hear in the same sentence unless derisively or pejoratively in this Country. The conventional and majority “wisdom” states that they are diametrically opposed. That one cannot live a truly spiritual life and be a capitalist and that a capitalist is never really up to any good. Is this conventional wisdom truly wise? Is it even remotely accurate?

First, we must define “capitalism” and “spiritual” if we are to get anywhere in this discussion. It is worth noting that “capitalism” is a term that was coined my Marx—the greatest self-anointed enemy of capitalism—someone whose economics theories have virtually all been empirically disproved—to live. We could simnply say he was a failed mathematician. Just wrong on the numbers.

The irony there is obvious on both counts. Prior to Marx, there was no definition or characterization of “capitalism” really, for it was not a system at all—it was very simply the application of liberty in the economic domain. “Free Market” meant just that—that the market was free and unrestricted. What was the market? Humans engaged in voluntary associations for mutual benefit. Nothing more. That association may have been a mine worker freely associating with the owner of a mine for some agreed upon amount of money per unit of work [hours or perhaps ponds of extracted materials, etc.] or a provider of transport for someone who wishes to travel somewhere or to send goods to a market in another geographical area or someone wanting to “buy money”—that is, take a loan out with the contract obligation to repay it plus a fee [interest], but in no case could there be violent coercion. It is also noting additionally, that “coercion” does not mean “influence” as in political vogue today, as it abrogates free will and muddies the waters. By "coercion", we mean violence or the threat of violence against person or property. It is truly a triumph of rhetoric over reason that the thinking—debunked for over a century now—that in the free market one person always gains at the expense of another still prevails among many laypeople.

What has been known almost since the beginning of economics becoming a science is that both parties always benefit—or at least expect to do so—otherwise they would never engage in the association to begin with. For humans always expect—through all their choices and actions—regardless of if they are proven right or not, to benefit or improve their lot by their choices. Of course, “liberty” does not mean you are "free" to aggress against another’s person or property as an extension of their person though their labor. Therefore, the only “restrictions” were and should be that force and fraud [fraud is implicit force or implicit theft] were actionable torts. Liberty does not mean you are free to do anything you like. Liberty and freedom are different distinctions. What liberty does mean is that you are free from violent aggression from another. You are therefore not “free” to aggress against another, as to do so would violate his or her liberty.

So “capitalism” as it is so ill-named, is liberty practically applied—the ability to freely associate for mutual benefit. Nothing more and nothing less. Anything else is a moral judgment or characterization or perhaps an aesthetic condemnation and therefore not appropriate for a definition as such. There are, of course, questions of morality and aesthetics, which often confuse this definition or muddle the thinking around it, but for our purposes, we will address those later, if at all. However, that does not mean that they are not important and valid questions. I would love to have that dialogue, it is just beyond the scope of this piece. Let's is suffice to say that just because you can to something does not mean you should do it. Unfortunately, in this highly politicized and philosophically muddled society, the distinctions among ethics, morality, and aesthetics have become blurred.

What then, is spiritual, for surely, “capitalism is the least spiritual system of economics” is it not--according to the conventional wisdom?

Spirituality or “being spiritual” means so many things to so many people. It may mean following this spiritual text or that spiritual text. It may mean being “Christ-like” or “possessing the Buddha mind” or it may simply mean being pious or acting for the good of others. For still others, it is following the directives of this spiritual leader or that spiritual leader. For still others it is “opening to the Divine” or “becoming one with all things” through meditation and “spiritual practice”. For still others, it is accessing their own consciousness or their creative spirit. How then can we come to a universal definition of “spiritual”? For this, we must understand the spirit of human beings.

Spir·it n: 1. a vital force that characterizes a living being as being alive2. somebody’s will, sense of self, or enthusiasm for living 3. an enthusiasm and energy for living 4. somebody’s personality or temperament 5. somebody or something that is a divine, inspiring, or animating influence Encarta® World English Dictionary © 1999 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.

For our purpose, we will define “spiritual” as: accessing and liberating to the largest degree possible that which is our vital life force and the best we have within us—our creativity, our inspiration, etc.

That is, by demonstrating behavioral alignment or pure expression of our highest values. This could be through art, community, leadership, study, contribution, entrepreneurship, our job roles, or our chores. It could be liberating our minds through meditation. It could be making love to our partner, for anything with which we bring our Spirit to, and engage fully unleashing our highest inner self, can be, and will be, a spiritual experience and we can bring this to most activities, most notably, our ideas and the implementation or actualization of those ideas or visions. That being the case, let’s examine capitalism, and not-capitalism very briefly. Anything other than unfettered capitalism—full economic liberty—is marked by increasing intervention by the State. That is—the government.

What then, is the nature of government? Government in any form [from democracy to socialism to communism to monarchism or dictatorship] has two inalienable qualities: 1. a monopoly on the initiation of force over a declared geographical area, often under the pretense of “protecting” its citizens—whether they need it or want it or not; 2. it exists and operates by levying taxes—that is the coercive and compulsory appropriation of money, which if any other organization or group or individual were engaged in would be called “theft” and prosecuted. The more the government intervenes in the affairs of its citizens [including “assisting” its citizens], the more the use of force is employed and to pay for the increase in government “services”, taxation, or debt, must increase—more force. If it is taxation, it is direct and immediate force. If it is debt, it is delayed force as future generation will have no choice in the matter—they are, in a real way, enslaved to the government as a result.

Therefore, the government is always committing the very same acts that it is entrusted to prevent: violence and theft. The emperor indeed has no clothes, yet all of society is raving about how wonderful his robes are, and how we should make more of them in various colors. We have already seen that the most spiritual a person can be is liberation of their spirit, often through creativity, and that they have the inalienable right over their own person and body [and by extension their property] is accepted as natural law and our intuitive moral sense. It is obvious that the use of force against someone—one of the few things all humans can agree on as criminal unless it is purely defensive while protecting your person or property—is dampening to their Spirit, not liberating.

Therefore, the more the government intervenes, the less “spiritual” and the more liberalized [free] the economy, the more spiritual, as human beings are free to fully express themselves in every domain of their life, including the economic. Therefore, Capitalism is the most spiritual system. What of the "evils" of capitalism? Some people think we have a free market in America, and/or in the Western Industrialized core of nations. We do not. We do not have capitalism. We have something between “mercantilism” and “corporate statism”. Most people who argue about the evils of capitalism know not what they speak of, nor even what system we operate within. In fact, America is not a democracy at all—it is a constitutional republic—an important difference.

But let’s leave politics aside for this discussion.

For our purposes, we have the needed definitions: Capitalism: liberty in the economic domain—that is the ability to freely associate for mutual benefit. Spiritual: The liberation of human creativity or the human “spirit”—that which is highest in ourselves. Given those definitions, clearly Capitalism is the most spiritual economic system as it allows the freest expression of our highest values to be fully integrated into our life in all domains.

But again...what of the "evils" of capitalism?

Of course the problem with capitalism is not really a problem with capitalism per se at all—for all it does is free people to do what they want or can do and receive something in exchange. What about pollution? What about fraud?

These are not capitalist. These are criminal.

And they flow not from a system—but from action by people at lower levels of conscious and moral development. What capitalism has done is expose man’s faults for all to see, not created them. Systems do not create these problems, people--individuals--do.

What about contribution? What about caring for others? What about giving? One of the major errors committed by detractors of Capitalism and liberty is that they presuppose of the government was not handling something it would not get handled. I think we can all see how silly that idea is on its face, once exposed.

However, with this increased liberty, we have proportionally increased our responsibility and our need for an acceleration of the evolution of consciousness and the values spheres to levels that will reduce our negative impact on those around us, the environment, future generations, and our very selves. However, if we are to avoid the use of force, we must do this though education, encouragement, and by becoming more aware as consumers and supporting those companies with leaders who are consciously mindful on their impact. Or, we can use the force and forceful apparatus of government, but we need to at least be honest about what we are doing: using our local, state, and federal representatives to impose our will and value sets on those around us with courts and police--who have guns--because we are impatient and self-righteous.

Is that the kind of world we want to advocate?

Or would we rather raise the conscious stage to universal care voluntarily?

"An honest man can feel no pleasure in the exercise of power over his fellow citizens."-- Thomas Jefferson

"...since the state is merely a transitional institution of which use is made in the struggle, in the revolution, to keep down one's enemies by force, it is utter madness to speak of a free people's state."--Marx

We have defined both “spiritual” and “capitalism”.  What then, is “Spiritual Capitalism”?! Spiritual Capitalism really requires no knowledge or even acceptance of the above, although it is certainly helpful to you to do so. What is required for Spiritual Capitalism is an integral approach—that is, integration of your spirituality and entrepreneurship or the free market. It is that simple.

What a shame that most are dis-integrated. That is, they live separated lives. They go to a job they hate getting paid by people they do not like or by companies that lack integrity. Some have said that the idea that I charge for the work I do is “wrong with the universe”. Which is more out of alignment with the “universe”:

1. Living your spiritual purpose and getting paid for it voluntarily though exchange with clients seeking your services [living the "integrated" life]
2. Working for AOL/Time Warner and having to shower when you get home because of the slimy dealings you had to witness in the marketing department and getting paid for that [living a "dis-integrated" life.

You be the judge.

The Buddha spoke of “right livelihood” as part of morality.

That is, be certain that what you are doing does not harm others or assist others in harming others. The cleanest and clearest way to be fully integrated is to live your spiritual purpose [which is always about being in service to Other or the world] and market that service with integrity and clarity.

What a beautiful world we could create together. A world of people living their highest purpose and exhibiting their highest values—contributing to one another in the deepest way--and being in service of Spirit while simultaneously attaining prosperity as a result. Fully integrated beings. To do that there are five simple components:

1. Live life consciously
2. Define Your Values [and Change Beliefs Where Necessar]
3. Discover your [Spiritual] Purpose
4. Develop an Entrepreneurial Spirit
5. Knowledge and Skill Acquisition [such that you can be of service, and be effective in doing so

We will explore each of them in the coming installments of this series as well as the common blocks to achieving prosperity throughpurpose.

Often people ask me what separates a “Practitioner” from a “Master Practitioner”. Or what separates a “good” practitioner, from a “great” practitioner from an “extraordinary” practitioner. It is a good question, and one deserving of answers.

Sustainability of Change for Your Clients | Financial Sustainability for You

Sustainability of Change for Your Clients | Financial Sustainability for You

Part 1 can be found HERE.  Part 2 can be found HERE.

The final variable in your personal equation for success is Will. The Will To Carry It Through.

Even if your thoughts are aligned, your actions directed appropriately, and all other factors are in alignment and in support of your desired outcomes, if you lack the will to carry it through you will fail. AND you will fail in the worst way—as a result of your lack of will; something entirely under your control and an aspect of your very own making.

To be blunt: a function of your character. 

That’s tough for people to absorb.  They will want to look outside. As if the locus of their responsibility somehow lies outside of themselves. Somehow belongs to another. Somehow it is a matter of circumstance whether they succeed or fail. AND while it is certainly easier to blame outside forces, people, elements, and /or circumstances, there is no power in that. There is no way for you to learn and shift and adjust. You end up hobbling your own growth, development, and professional evolution for this short-term comfort. And you sell out your short-term success and achievement.

Even if it is true, you give all of your power to succeed over to the ghost of blame. The apparition of an outside locus of responsibility.  You lose your ability to adjust to the new information that you are being presented with. 

In addition to that, there are multiple metaphors that speaks to what it takes to succeed often simply being about endurance—about will and the will to “finish the _________ .” the fight goes to the last man standing. The race goes to the runner who simply finishes.  Etc., etc., ad nauseum infinitum.

“The same is true when we begin a marathon race. We may start out with enthusiasm because our energy level is high, but we must then run the race with endurance to reach the finish line. Some race to reach the line in first place, other runners’ motivations may be more personal; their goal is simply to finish.” --Harry Connor Jr

It is that last 2 percent. The will to carry it through despite the obstacles. Most people quit at 98%. Most quit the game just before they are about to win. They lose their commitment to the game in the 4^th quarter—and then the underdog produces an upset.

AND there will be obstacles to bringing your IDEA into the world. They will include but are not limited to

• You think your IDEA is original and you find out it is not. At all.
• Naysayers
  • People will tell you are crazy or your IDEA won’t work
  • You may be ridiculed in the press [or lied about]
  • Your friends or family may think you’re insane. Sometimes literally. Other times figuratively.
  • Small-minded folk may want to see you fail out of envy or out of shame around their own lack of success, etc. [not “true friends”, in my book, but make your own choices there]
• You’ll discover platforms or technology you’ve invested in aren’t working as expected or not working at all for the intended purposes that had you invest in them in the first place
• Distractions in your own life 

If you are to bring your IDEA into the world; if you are to manifest your vision as a reality “in the firmament”, as they say; if you are to bring it from an IDEA to concrete reality, you must let nothing stand in your way. That does not mean to run them over or blast through them—your actions and the way in which you overcome them still must be ecological in this sense ::: they must be “good” in Self, Other and Community, and for the World/Nature. However, you must go over, around, under, and as a last resort, through the obstacles to achieve your goals.

The most important obstacles are distractions. These are entirely under your control. They are the function of a mind that lacks discipline. They include but are certainly not limited to :::

• People [friends, romance, etc.]
• Experiences and desires for experiences
• “Opportunities” that seem like a good idea, but aren't

I could go on and on about how these things can, do, and might distract you, but really there is a solution that covers the bases :::

Whatever you choose to do, make sure it is in alignment with your vision; make sure it serves. Be it a relationship, a lover, a partner in business, collaboration, a financial opportunity, or a new business venture.

Say no to the rest so you can say yes to the best. AND in this case, the “best” means your own, personal vision for what you want to bring into the world.  For your future. You’re your own achievement and satisfaction. For the fulfillment that comes from contributing to the world in a positive way.

For the Good. For the True. And for the Beautiful.

I understand—and have experienced personally—that means you will make tough choices. You will have to say no to very compelling experiences. AND it is critical to your success.

You must have the will to carry it through to success—or to a dignified, rational end—as the only viable option. The only acceptable outcome.

That does not mean to be pig-headed when you are wrong or you are headed down the wrong path or run up against an obstacle. Quite the contrary; it means adjusting with flexibility, fluidity, to new information conditions in service of the outcome. It means having a fixed outcome, but a variable, flexible approach. You may know what you will bring into existence, but the how may have to adjust.

That also means constantly integrating feedback—no matter how harsh it may be or how neutral or how numerical—or frankly, how personal. Some people will attack you personally. Trust me. Ad hominem attacks are all too common. 

You will endure.

Eye on the prize. AND by “prize”, I mean bringing your good and beautiful gifts to the world in a way that serves the good of all. That is true for most. And is personally fulfilling for you.

There are only a few components successful coaches and practitioners must incorporate into their practice to turn it into a business. At the same time, you can be “doing” these things, and still be unsuccessful unless you have the necessary techniques and ethical tactics incorporated into the components. 

Not just the “how” but “how specifically”.

In this free evening talk discover:

• The 3 Necessary Components for Building and Maintaining a 6-Figure Practice
• 7 "Tricks of the Trade" including :::
  • 4 strategies successful coaches and practitioners engage in on a regular basis to maintain their practice
  • 3 critical techniques to turn your initial consultations into results
• The Number 1 Mistake that Practitioners and Coaches make in their marketing strategy and their copy writing
  • [and it’s solution]

This from a former student :::

"Jason McClain is the real deal. His personal life story makes the stories of both Tony Robbins and Christopher Howard look like happy-go-lucky children’s books. He has been quoted as saying, 'if I can be happy and successful anyone can'.

"He built a 6-figure practice from scratch with an intangible service ::: “Personal Evolution”. Something no one wakes up in the morning and thinks they need or looks for. His success was as a result of the incredible efficacy of the system he developed by trial and error." -M.D.

A system I will hand over to you in this talk. Fine-tuned, and streamlined.

"I believe that right now is the time for the Evolutionary Professional™. The emergent agent of change integrating purpose and wealth; doing well as a result of doing good-- integrating universal spiritual principles and free market economics. I understand that the more of you I empowers to be successful, and have a full-time practice that is thriving, the better off the world will be.

Evolving the planet one client at a time is great, but it is horribly inefficient. *laughing* Let’s accelerate the process together."  --Jason D McClain

--

Jason D McClain will lead this talk. 

Acquire knowledge from one of the most broadly educated minds in the coaching business always innocently irreverent, funny, affable, approachable, and obviously committed to serving you by delivering dense value in his talks, expect the tips you will learn in this evening to bear immediate and lasting fruit in your business and in your life.

Bring something to take notes with. 

When and Where  [specific locations to be announced]

Los Angeles ::: Monday, April 19th ::: 7pm to 9pm

San Diego ::: Tuesday, February  9th ::: 7pm to 9pm

Given the generosity of this Community and your desire to good in the world, some of you may be wondering which cause you should contribute to this Holiday Season.

Yet, we are left with a conundrum :::

With large organizations, regardless of their stated principles, there is always a challenge
dealing with overhead, administrative costs, and general efficiency of your donations.

Sadly, this makes many of us hesitant to give. And rightly so.

Which has me looking for causes where there is a minimum of administrative costs. Where there is a real translation between the dollars we give and the good it
will do.

What if you knew about a place to donate to remove all the layers between you and the actual difference you were making? What if you were assured you could make a difference immediately, NOW direct to the cause?

Meet the cause :::
http://www.yestomiracles.com/

Watch the video on that page and watch the one on this page:
http://www.yestomiracles.com/bio/

and read the story. I met this woman on the trip to LA attending a fund raiser with Destin Gerek, and while not knowing who it was for, we walked in and even with her back to us,
I *FELT* she was the brightest light in the room.

She was the only one I was interested in meeting--and requested so.

Imagine my surprise that the fund-raiser was for her.

Regardless of your beliefs, beliefs system, or relationship to the holidays, if you are not moved to tears by this woman and her path...well, let's just say if you are alive, and you watch this woman's videos you should be moved to give to her cause.

I beg of you to do as your heart dictates.

And if your heart dictates, visit the links and hit the "donate" button. Any amount--large or small--will help.

In Service and In Evolution,

The McClain-Ness™

Part 1 can be found HERE.   Part 3 Can be found HERE.

Part II ::: Action

We covered the first variable in your equation for success ::: thoughts. And the third ::: Will.

 In this post we will cover the 2nd variable in your equation for success ::: Action.

Deliberate. Consistent. Action.

Many talk about the need to take “massive action”.  While this is useful, I disagree.  AND I disagree not because that approach is ineffective, but rather because it is harmful to the system ::: it is un-ecological.

Taking massive action can burn one out and then they must stop and take a breather. Then they go into massive action again. And they get burned out. And so it goes, the cycle infinite, ad nauseum. There is a fundamental lack of balance. Over time, this will lead to resistance to projects, significant health issues—a lack of lack of healthy being-ness with families, spouses, children, life partners, and lovers, who are lacking engagement from you—feeling a love deficit.

AND at worst, addictions—be they food or drugs or alcohol or relationships—so that people can detach and become disembodied.  So they can stop feeling how bad this approach feels in their body.

While those who advocate this approach are coming from a positive place, to be sure, I have only 1 question ::: “do we want to be advocating an approach that leads to the above pathologies?

Of course not.

This lack of balance and consistency pervades our culture to no good end—long term.

However, there is a more whole-istic [taking your whole system into account with a long term view added as an additional dimension] way of approaching action…

Think of your business—and your action around your business—like an extension of your body. Would you go to the gym for the first time and automatically try to spend 2 hours on the stair master? Of course not. Would you go to the gym for the first time ever and expect to bench press 300 pounds? Of course not. Even if you were actually able, somehow, to physically complete those “goals” you would be so wiped out the following day—and so sore—that you may or may not return.

Business acquisition  is the same way. Go easy at first. Pace yourself. Make sure you stretch and prepare. Make sure you go push yourself a little bit.  However, go to the gym almost every day.

I cannot count the times I was in action. Consistent. Deliberate. Action.  And business came from somewhere completely out of the blue and seemingly entirely unrelated to the activity I was engaged in around business or the leads I was following up on.

 Say, returning calls. Or writing an article to demonstrate your competence. Writing a talk that you could give at the local small business association or trade conference, or what have you. Email a resource to a client you had stumbled upon that will be valuable to them given what you know about them and their particular needs—and heck, just calling your clients on a non-business call for 10 or so minutes to see how they are in general. 

Consistently. Deliberately. Persistently. Continuously. Ever-expanding-ly.

Not only will your neurology—your nervous system and your egoic and emotional structures—expand to include all of that; to appropriately embrace your experience. To expand your embrace of all that is and is arising. Including your business. Your wealth. Your “successes” and your  “failures”.  Whatever is arising moment to moment. Even now.

 And of course, the “spooky” thing is that often, just having your attention and intentionality on your business produces results often from “out of nowhere”.  As if you are applying the basic principles of the Law of Attraction, you will also see opportunities that you would not have noticed before. And opportunities will come to you as you put out the energy into the world.

Whether you succeed or fail is almost irrelevant. I say almost, because we want the general direction to be upwards—the general trend of you meeting or exceeding your self-declared targets to be...up.

However, even more important that tactical success is strategic learning. I say “more important” as the latter will serve the former in ways you can only begin to imagine…even now. I would rather have your attention on the learnings—even when you “succeed” than on whether your are “succeeding” or “failing”

And while most of this article has been focused on the Self, there is another aspect that can be the crux of your success or failure ::: and it is included as an essential aspect of your action. What is this element? It is your skill acquisition and your learning acquisition—your heard earned and well-paid-for lessons in business—in how to inspire others toward a vision.

 As important as maintaining deliberate action toward your vision--perhaps even more important--is your ability to inspire a team, a spouse, a business partner to maintain their own deliberate action in service of the ultimate goal or realization.

We will discuss this at length in future writings. For now, McClain, out.

Wishing you Health, Success, and Fulfillment,

Jason The McClain

One of the main challenges that small business people face—particularly solo practitioners or “solo-preneurs” in general--is the problem and the art of motivating oneself.

You are your own boss. If you have employees, then the game may be a little different for you as you have people depending on you.  However, if it is just you, there are often no external forces telling you that you must do any particular “thing”.  There are certainly exceptions to this—client deliverables, purchases that have been made, the general inertia of your business pulling you along at some point, but really, especially at first, it is an uphill battle for many on their own.

There are so many aspects to this problem of motivation that some never figure it out—or worse, they find solutions that compound the problem in the long-term because the “solutions” are ill-suited approaches. Ill-suited to them as individuals.

To really add fuel to the fire [or baking soda to the lack thereof] we have distractions, overwhelm, time management, prioritization, and the list goes on, and on, and on.

What works for one person in terms of motivation may or may not—and often does not—work for another. So it is with time management, goals, and the like. There is no one-size-fits-all or even a one-size-fits-most solution. Particularly for those who are more sensitive both emotionally and kinesthetically/energetically, many of the “take massive action” or “get present to the consequences if you do not” approaches create more internal dissonance, and if the tasks or milestones the individual is accountable for are not accomplished, this can lead to a build-up of that same internal dissonance, or worse, feelings of guilt or worse still, even shame, and with the principle of compound interest on the “debt” you have with yourself…well, we can see where it may and often does lead: overwhelm rather than accomplishment.

Even if it does not lead there for you, these levels of intense urgent styles of motivational techniques can cause a lack of balance at best, and at worst, hardcore burnout.

What is the solution? Custom design your own motivational strategy using a few basic principles and approaches.

Step 1: Discover Your Style

Find out what works for you at a base level. Since at least Aristotle was writing in the  300s B.C. we have known that humans are generally motivated in two basic ways or “directions” ::: away from pain or toward pleasure. Or both.

Stated in the context of goals and deliverables: away from consequences or toward a vision.

You will notice one creates leverage [and often contraction and internal dissonance] in your body—it pushes you. Compels you. Often uncomfortably. The other pulls you forward. It is expansive. It opens you and draws you toward it.

The danger is to judge one or the other. Urgency/away from/consequence driven motivation could be “bad” because it creates tension and dissonance. Vision is “good” because it is expansive. Or the reverse; vision/toward is “bad” because it does not create massive intense action, necessarily. Urgency/away from is “good” because it creates more instant [in some] results.

An additional component is style is how you like to be supported. 

This is also a critical component. While I am not an "accountability coach" per se, and never have been, quite often, clients ask me to support them in getting stuff done. Before I even begin such an aspect of our relationship, and since I can assume almost any style of coaching to serve them at this point, I ask them ::: how do you like to be supported.

No this before asking for external help--or be prepared to explore that inquiry with your friend, guide, coach, or accountability partner.

The truth is, whichever style works for you, as you become more aware, even now, at how you have created results in the past for yourself—when you found yourself simply motivated to accomplish what you wanted to accomplish—is the “good” style for you.

If an “away from” strategy works best for you, then create externally supported consequences to propel you forward. Engage a coach professionally, who coaches in that style. Or have a friend be your accountability partner—and someone willing to enforce uncomfortable consequences for/on you.

If this kind of approach has you feel overwhelmed, or has you feel like running from your entire support system [missing phone calls, not emailing them when you said you would, unaccomplished tasks building up, etc.], then consider the other approach: an approach that has you moving toward a larger vision. Toward a future you are creating. An approach that has you stay constantly present to the deeper meaning in the work you are doing; what your purpose of mission is, so you stay in the game. Plainly put ::: remember why you are committed to doing what you are supposed to do, in the grand scheme of things.  

As an example: you’re not simply “having a client session”. You are doing far more than that—you are helping someone have the life they have always dreamed of. And even greater or larger, you are contributing to the evolution of humanity itself—to a global vision of the Greater Good.

Mission. Vision. Life Purpose.

Whatever your style, be sure you use the one that best suits your sensibilities and produces the results for you, in your life, that you want produced.

Step 2: Make Your Tasks Bite-Sized.

“How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.” –Anonymous

It is not an "event" is an unfolding process.

Make sure your expectations are realistic, and that your goals and outcomes are in stages, and a palatable size. Often, people set these wild expectations for themselves or they have their goal of “building a business” be a one-step process, rather than what it is: a natural process of growth we see all around us.

First, we crawl. Then we walk. Then we run.

You would not expect to go to the gym for the very first time and lift 300 pounds would you? Of course not. You would go, do a little to stretch yourself—just get a little sore—and then do a little more until you are at the level—eventually—you want to be at.

Nothing happens in one step.

And make sure the chunks are an appropriate size for your sensibilities—again, not someone else’s no matter how much of a “motivational guru” they are.

Allow me to give you a personal example. Nearly a decade ago now, I used to make 200 cold calls a day. However, I did not last long when I tried to declare or commit to making that many phone calls. Too large of a chunk.  So I tried blocks of 50. It was still daunting. Eventually, I got down to committing to simply doing blocks of 10. That was easy. In fact, it was so easy, I did another 10. And another. This little psychological game I played with myself made it easier and easier to consistently accomplish 200 calls a day.

Make sure your level of expectations (your workload, your milestones, and even your to-do list if you use one) are all designed to maintain balance, while consistently building and growing.

Slow, sustainable, constant growth and expansion is always preferable to short-term, over-the-top goals, as that is the sustainable, and more ecological [both emotionally and systemically] approach.

I will suggest one thing : make sure you always accomplish the most important or most pressing single task for that day. Just pick one. You know which one it is. If you want to do more, great. But commit to doing that one thing you know needs to be done today. If that “one thing” is too large a task, break it down into sub-tasks, and eat that elephant one bite at a time.

In sum, there are three major steps to “motivating” yourself.

1. Discover The Style or “direction” that works for you. Are you motivated toward something larger or toward a vision? Or are you more motivated with consequences and pain?
2. Set up systems and structures to support your style of motivation. Whether that is through a colleague, friend, professional, or with yourself is irrelevant until you learn what best works for you--both in terms of style and in terms of actual structures.
3. Make sure your goals or milestones or “stuff” you wanna get done is not only realistic, but is also in the appropriate “chunk size” so you do not undercut or undermine the first two steps. And relax—you can always increase chunk size or workload as you gain momentum and a sense of accomplishment.

Test. Adjust. Test again. Find out what work. Build on your successes. Harvest the lessons when you miss your target. Build upon that as well. Often, those lessons are even more valuable than accomplishing what you set out to do.

If you know where and how to examine the failures they are always more valuable than the successes and will lead to exponential success in the long run.

Have fun with it. Remember, it is your life. You get to live it as you choose.

In Service,

Jason The McClain

UPDATE ::: This call is over. The audio from the call is now available here:

---

There are only a few components successful coaches and practitioners must incorporate into their practice to turn it into a business. At the same time, you can be “doing” these things, and still be unsuccessful unless you have the necessary techniques and ethical tactics incorporated into the components.

Not just the “how” but “how specifically”.

In this free tele-seminar discover:

• The 3 Necessary Components for Building and Maintaining a 6-Figure Practice
• 7 "Tricks of the Trade" including :::
  • 4 strategies successful coaches and practitioners engage in on a regular basis to maintain their practice
  • 3 critical techniques to turn your initial consultations into results
• The Number 1 Mistake that Practitioners and Coaches make in their marketing strategy and their copy writing
  • [and it’s solution]

Monday, March 15th, 2010 @ 7pm Pacific. Use this link to register for the call:

http://myaccount.maestroconference.com/conference/register/7B344C7GLNT38MX

This from a former student :::

"Jason McClain is the real deal. His personal life story makes the stories of both Tony Robbins and Christopher Howard look like happy-go-lucky children’s books. He has been quoted as saying, 'if I can be happy and successful anyone can'.

"He built a 6-figure practice from scratch with an intangible service ::: “Personal Evolution”. Something no one wakes up in the morning and thinks they need or looks for. His success was as a result of the incredible efficacy of the system he developed by trial and error." -M.D.

A system I will hand over to you in this talk. Fine-tuned, and streamlined.

"I believe that right now is the time for the Evolutionary Professional™. The emergent agent of change integrating purpose and wealth; doing well as a result of doing good-- integrating universal spiritual principles and free market economics. I understand that the more of you I empowers to be successful, and have a full-time practice that is thriving, the better off the world will be.

Evolving the planet one client at a time is great, but it is horribly inefficient. *laughing* Let’s accelerate the process together."  --Jason D McClain

--

Acquire knowledge from one of the most broadly educated minds in the coaching business always innocently irreverent, funny, affable, approachable, and obviously committed to serving you by delivering dense value in his talks, expect the tips you will learn in this evening to bear immediate and lasting fruit in your business and in your life.

Be sure you have something to take notes with: and feel free to submit questions before hand. Space is limited to 99 participants to grab your spot now.

Monday, March 15th, 2010 @ 7pm Pacific. Use this link to register for the call:

http://myaccount.maestroconference.com/conference/register/7B344C7GLNT38MX

Oh--and to get a free trial, for what I think is the best teleseminar service out there--that allows you to call on people by name, "pass the mic" to them, and create break-out groups if you are leading a tele-class or series of tele-seminars, and a bunch more super cool technology to make your life as an entrepreneur easier and your business thrive with more profitability, click HERE.

Rumor has it, they will be adding webinar/screen casting functionality soon, too.SHHHHHHH. 

In Service and in Evolution,

jason.the.mcclain™

UPDATE :::

Here is the audio of the call for y'all :::

{mp3}free_teleseminars/20100315_3_components{/mp3}

UPDATE ::: You can now hear the call by clicking play below. You can also see the links mentioned in the call here:

• The FAQ I mentioned as an example is HERE.
• The two services offerings I mentioned so you can see their structure are HERE and HERE.

And if you are interested in the course we are about to release, sign up to be notified HERE.

Here is the audio for the call:

----

Teleseminar ::: Coaching the Coach ::: Creating Packages

How to create compelling packages for your clients.

"The most striking feature of the perennial philosophy/psychology is that it presents being and consciousness as a holarchy of dimensional levels, moving from the lowest, densest, and most fragmentary realms to the highest, subtlest, and most unitary ones." --Ken Wilber

The audio for this call is now available. I had a heckuva head cold, so you will need to bear with me on the voice and the general stuffiness, but we covered everything I wanted to cover, and the questions from the participants, were, as always, incredibly high quality questions. Great call.

Here 'tis :::

Monday, April 5th, 7pm Pacific. You must register to be on the call.

What if you could count on a prospective client signing an extended package with you when you see them in person? When I say, "count on" on mean--with 95% certainty?

As a holistic practitioner, you are sensitive to dynamics that do not feel right and you truly want to be of service to your prospective clients. You correctly want to make sure they never feel pressured.

And they never should--they do not need to be.

At the same time, if you have been in business for yourself for any length of time, you have come to realize that if you do not assist them in overcoming their concerns and their fears or limitations in thinking, you will never be able to assist them in realizing the life they have always wanted, dreamed of, and perhaps have come to you to assist them in finally achieving. In a sense, this is your first test as their coach, guide, or service provider in the helping industries.

Are you going to let them leave with those limitations intact? Or are you going to expand their world ever so gently?

The reality is, if you do not have financial sustainability, you will not be able to serve for very long before your own concerns of thriving and prospering come into play.  In a word, you need to learn to SELL--but sell without compromising your values of service, contribution, and ethics...

Many talk about using initial or "free" consultations to sign clients, but few know how to set these up to turn them into results. How to systematically use your communication before hand, setting context, and being so effective in the session with your guidance that the results end up being inevitable ::: you can begin to count on the client signing the agreement taking the gueswork out of our business, your financial life, and increasing your confidence exponentially.

Other distinctions I will be including in the evening :::

Monday, April 5th, 7pm Pacific. You must register to be on the call.

I will be taking questions live on the call. So be there--or be a hypotenuse.

Smart solo-preneurs and entrepreneurs know that one good idea can mean the difference in tens of thousands of dollars for your business. I have several IDEAs for you. Register for the call by clicking HERE.

Oh--and to get a free trial, for what I think is the best teleseminar service out there--that allows you to call on people by name, "pass the mic" to them, and create break-out groups if you are leading a tele-class or series of tele-seminars, and a bunch more super cool technology to make your life as an entrepreneur easier and your business thrive with more profitability, click HERE.

Rumor has it, they will be adding webinar/screen casting functionality soon, too.SHHHHHHH. 

In Service,

jason.the.mcclain™

The audio for this call is now available below [click play] :::

It is no secret you need to give away content in today's marketplace. 

Not just because people need to be able to get a deeper sense of you and your approach to life, work, and the services you provide, but also as a result of the amount and degree of choice in the marketplace. They need to understand and "get" at a deeper level the difference between you and the other service providers out there.

It is your opportunity to distinguish yourself from others, demonstrate competence, and also provide value to those who may or may not be able to afford you.

AND, what stands in the way between you and their eyeballs, ears, and allowing them to "feel" you is your ability to present in person, or over the web, and your mastery of the tools of technology that are abundant and freely available to us in today's net-centric world.

Technology. Most practitioners I have met hate it. Most practitioners must develop some competency with it--unless and until you can just pay someone to handle it for you. BUT even then, you will want to know enough to keep your consultants honest. Take it from me.

Allow me to contribute to you by demystifying much of the "magical" and for most--overwhelming--world of technology.

In this free teleseminar we will cover :::

• The 4 learning types and how to integrate them into any presentation platform to keep your audience engaged
• Blogging ::: including
  • Blogging platforms and the benefits and drawbacks of each of the available open source platforms
  • Do's and don'ts of blogging
• Evening talks and how to:
  • Write them
  • Market them
  • Key components you must incorporate them so you can utilize them as "client acquisition events"
• Teleseminars 
• Which social-networking sites are a waste of your time, which ones matter, and why

Monday, April 26th, @ 7pm Pacific.

You MUST register to be on the call. To register for the call, click HERE. 

As always, I will be taking questions live, so if you have questions about any of this tech stuff or presenting, be sure to be on the call.

Oh--and to get a free trial, for what I think is the best teleseminar service out there--that allows you to call on people by name, "pass the mic" to them, and create break-out groups if you are leading a tele-class or series of tele-seminars, and a bunch more super cool technology to make your life as an entrepreneur easier and your business thrive with more profitability, click HERE.

Rumor has it, they will be adding webinar/screen casting functionality soon, too. SHHHHHHH. 

In Service,

jason.the.mcclain™

Are you tired of tinkering around with your "holistic hobby"? Your first step to turning your practice into a viable and sustainable business is to register for this series of free teleseminars.

You must register to be on the call (s):

• Monday, May 10th, 2010 [tech and talks ::: how to acquire prospective clients with free content] Featuring a
  Social Media and email marketing expert [audio now available here ::: {mp3}free_teleseminars/20100510_clc_social_media{/mp3} ]
  
  
• Monday, May 17th, 2010 [Designing your extended and comprehensive offering sustainable change and financial sustainability)]
• Monday, May 24th, 2010 [Evolutionary Sales ::: Turning Initial consultations into results]

---

There are only a few components successful coaches and practitioners must incorporate into their practice to turn it into a business. At the same time, you can be “doing” these things, and still be unsuccessful unless you have the necessary techniques and ethical tactics incorporated into the components.

Not just the “how” but “how specifically”.

In this free tele-seminar discover:

• The 3 Necessary Components for Building and Maintaining a 6-Figure Practice
• 7 "Tricks of the Trade" including :::
  • 4 strategies successful coaches and practitioners engage in on a regular basis to maintain their practice
  • 3 critical techniques to turn your initial consultations into results
• The Number 1 Mistake that Practitioners and Coaches make in their marketing strategy and their copy writing
  • [and it’s solution]

Three Mondays, beginning Monday may 10th, 2010 @ 7pm Pacific. Use this link to register for the call(s).

Audio from the less evolved (from the past month) version of this series of calls:

___

This from a former student :::

"Jason McClain is the real deal. His personal life story makes the stories of both Tony Robbins and Christopher Howard look like happy-go-lucky children’s books. He has been quoted as saying, 'if I can be happy and successful anyone can'.

"He built a 6-figure practice from scratch with an intangible service ::: “Personal Evolution”. Something no one wakes up in the morning and thinks they need or looks for. His success was as a result of the incredible efficacy of the system he developed by trial and error." -M.D.

A system I will hand over to you in this talk. Fine-tuned, and streamlined.

"I believe that right now is the time for the Evolutionary Professional™. The emergent agent of change integrating purpose and wealth; doing well as a result of doing good-- integrating universal spiritual principles and free market economics. I understand that the more of you I empowers to be successful, and have a full-time practice that is thriving, the better off the world will be.

Evolving the planet one client at a time is great, but it is horribly inefficient. *laughing* Let’s accelerate the process together."  --Jason D McClain

--

Acquire knowledge from one of the most broadly educated minds in the coaching business always innocently irreverent, funny, affable, approachable, and obviously committed to serving you by delivering dense value in his talks, expect the tips you will learn in this evening to bear immediate and lasting fruit in your business and in your life.

Be sure you have something to take notes with: and feel free to submit questions before hand. Space is limited to 99 participants for each call. So grab your spot now.

----

Oh--and to get a free trial, for what I think is the best teleseminar service out there--that allows you to call on people by name, "pass the mic" to them, and create break-out groups if you are leading a tele-class or series of tele-seminars, and a bunch more super cool technology to make your life as an entrepreneur easier and your business thrive with more profitability, click HERE.

Rumor has it, they will be adding webinar/screen casting functionality soon, too.SHHHHHHH.

In Service and in Evolution,

jason.the.mcclain™

Update ::: The audio from this call is now available below:

:::

While I am always tinkering and improving, the last time I did this call, I was sick as a dog with the flu. This one should be exponentially better...

Teleseminar ::: Coaching the Coach ::: Creating Packages (v4.1)

How to create compelling packages for your clients.

"The most striking feature of the perennial philosophy/psychology is that it presents being and consciousness as a holarchy of dimensional levels, moving from the lowest, densest, and most fragmentary realms to the highest, subtlest, and most unitary ones." --Ken Wilber

::: Update: the audio from this call is now available below :::

Monday, May 24th @ 7pm Pacific. You must register to be on the call. If you have already registered for the series, you are good to go. No need to register again ...

And ... take a moment to consider ...

What if you could count on a prospective client signing an extended package with you when you see them in person? When I say, "count on" on mean--with 95% certainty?

As a holistic practitioner, you are sensitive to dynamics that do not feel right and you truly want to be of service to your prospective clients. You correctly want to make sure they never feel pressured.

And they never should--they do not need to be.

At the same time, if you have been in business for yourself for any length of time, you have come to realize that if you do not assist them in overcoming their concerns and their fears or limitations in thinking, you will never be able to assist them in realizing the life they have always wanted, dreamed of, and perhaps have come to you to assist them in finally achieving. In a sense, this is your first test as their coach, guide, or service provider in the helping industries.

Are you going to let them leave with those limitations intact? Or are you going to expand their world ever so gently?

The reality is, if you do not have financial sustainability, you will not be able to serve for very long before your own concerns of thriving and prospering come into play.  In a word, you need to learn to SELL--but sell without compromising your values of service, contribution, and ethics...

Many talk about using initial or "free" consultations to sign clients, but few know how to set these up to turn them into results. How to systematically use your communication before hand, setting context, and being so effective in the session with your guidance that the results end up being inevitable ::: you can begin to count on the client signing the agreement taking the gueswork out of our business, your financial life, and increasing your confidence exponentially.

Other distinctions I will be including in the evening :::

I will be taking questions live on the call. So be there--or be a hypotenuse.

Smart solo-preneurs and entrepreneurs know that one good idea can mean the difference in tens of thousands of dollars for your business. I have several IDEAs for you. Register for the call by clicking HERE.

Oh--and to get a free trial, for what I think is the best teleseminar service out there--that allows you to call on people by name, "pass the mic" to them, and create break-out groups if you are leading a tele-class or series of tele-seminars, and a bunch more super cool technology to make your life as an entrepreneur easier and your business thrive with more profitability, click HERE.

Rumor has it, they will be adding webinar/screen casting functionality soon, too.SHHHHHHH.

There are only a few components successful coaches and practitioners must incorporate into their practice to turn it into a business. At the same time, you can be “doing” these things, and still be unsuccessful unless you have the necessary techniques and ethical tactics incorporated into the components.

Not just the “how” but “how specifically”.

In this free evening discover:

• The 3 Necessary Components for Building and Maintaining a 6-Figure Practice
• 7 "Tricks of the Trade" including :::
  • 4 strategies successful coaches and practitioners engage in on a regular basis to maintain their practice
  • 3 critical techniques to turn your initial consultations into results
• The Number 1 Mistake that Practitioners and Coaches make in their marketing strategy and copy writing
  • [and its solution]

This from a former student :::

"Jason McClain is the real deal. His personal life story makes the stories of both Tony Robbins and Christopher Howard look like happy-go-lucky children’s books. He has been quoted as saying, 'if I can be happy and successful anyone can'.

"He built a 6-figure practice from scratch with an intangible service ::: “Personal Evolution”. Something no one wakes up in the morning and thinks they need or looks for. His success was as a result of the incredible efficacy of the system he developed by trial and error."  --M.D.

A system I will hand over to you in this talk. Fine-tuned, streamlined ... optimized.

"I believe that right now is the time for the Evolutionary Professional™. The emergent agent of change integrating purpose and wealth; doing well as a result of doing good-- integrating universal spiritual principles and free market economics. I understand that the more of you I empowers to be successful, and have a full-time practice that is thriving, the better off the world will be.

Evolving the planet one client at a time is great, but it is horribly inefficient. *laughing* Let’s accelerate the process together."  --Jason D McClain

--

Jason D McClain will lead this talk.

Acquire knowledge from one of the most broadly educated minds in the coaching business always innocently irreverent, funny, affable, approachable, and obviously committed to serving you by delivering dense value in his talks, expect the tips you will learn in this evening to bear immediate and lasting fruit in your business and in your life.

Bring something to take notes with. Be ready to implement effective ethical strategies to dramatically increase your income as well as your levels of fulfillment.

Isn't it about time?

WHERE?

San Francisco ::: @ The Sandbox Suites Wednesday, August 11th ::: 7pm to 9pm

RSVP to let us know you want a seat reserved for you.

Are you tired of tinkering around with your "holistic hobby"? Your first step to turning your practice into a viable and sustainable business is to register for this series of free tele-seminars.

You must register to be on the call (s). You only need to register once. You will then have a spot on all four calls.

• Monday October 4th, 2010 ::: The three necessary components to building and maintaining 6-figure practice
• Monday, October 11th, 2010 ::: Designing your extended and comprehensive offering sustainable change and financial sustainability
• Monday, October 25th, 2010 Evolutionary Sales ::: Turning Initial consultations into results
• Monday, November 1st, 2010 ::: Blogging, Social Networking, and Giving Evening Intros [tech and talks ::: how to acquire prospective clients with free, valuable content and authenticity]

---

There are only a few components successful coaches and practitioners must integrate into their practice to turn it into a business. At the same time, you can be “doing” these things, and still be unsuccessful unless you have the necessary techniques and ethical tactics incorporated into the components.

Not just the “how” but “how specifically”.

In this free tele-seminar discover:

• The 3 Necessary Components for Building and Maintaining a 6-Figure Practice
• 7 "Tricks of the Trade" including :::
  • 4 strategies successful coaches and practitioners engage in on a regular basis to maintain their practice
  • 3 critical techniques to turn your initial consultations into results
• The Number 1 Mistake that Practitioners and Coaches make in their marketing strategy and their copy writing
  • [and it’s solution]

Four Mondays, beginning Monday October 4th, 2010 @ 7:30pm Pacific. Use this link to register for the call(s).

This from a former student :::

"Jason McClain is the real deal. His personal life story makes the stories of both Tony Robbins and Christopher Howard look like happy-go-lucky children’s books. He has been quoted as saying, 'if I can be happy and successful anyone can'.

"He built a 6-figure practice from scratch with an intangible service ::: “Personal Evolution”. Something no one wakes up in the morning and thinks they need or looks for. His success was as a result of the incredible efficacy of the system he developed by trial and error." -M.D.

A system I will hand over to you in this talk. Fine-tuned, and streamlined.

"I believe that right now is the time for the Evolutionary Professional™. The emergent agent of change integrating purpose and wealth; doing well as a result of doing good-- integrating universal spiritual principles and free market economics. I understand that the more of you I empowers to be successful, and have a full-time practice that is thriving, the better off the world will be.

Evolving the planet one client at a time is great, but it is horribly inefficient. *laughing* Let’s accelerate the process together."  --Jason D McClain

--

Acquire knowledge from one of the most broadly educated minds in the coaching business always innocently irreverent, funny, affable, approachable, and obviously committed to serving you by delivering dense value in his talks, expect the tips you will learn in this evening to bear immediate and lasting fruit in your business and in your life.

Be sure you have something to take notes with: and feel free to submit questions before hand. Space is limited to 99 participants for each call. So grab your spot now.

----

Oh--and to get a free trial, for what I think is the best teleseminar service out there--that allows you to call on people by name, "pass the mic" to them, and create break-out groups if you are leading a tele-class or series of tele-seminars, and a bunch more super cool technology to make your life as an entrepreneur easier and your business thrive with more profitability, click HERE.

Rumor has it, they will be adding webinar/screen casting functionality soon, too.SHHHHHHH.

In Service and in Evolution,

jason.the.mcclain™

There are only a few components successful coaches and practitioners must incorporate into their practice to turn it into a business. At the same time, you can be “doing” these things, and still be unsuccessful unless you have the necessary techniques and ethical tactics incorporated into the components.

Not just the “how” but “how specifically”.

In this free evening discover:

• The 3 Necessary Components for Building and Maintaining a 6-Figure Practice
  • How to construct talks and tele-seminars so that your students and attendees
    • Learn and retain more information and learnings
    • Have maximum opportunity to engage in your products or services without feeling "sold" or "pitched to"
  • How to design a comprehensive offering
  • How to turn initial consultations into results (90% conversion rate from prospects to clients)

• 7 "Tricks of the Trade" including:
  • 4 strategies successful coaches and practitioners engage in on a regular basis to maintain their practice
  • 3 critical techniques to turn your initial consultations into results
• The Number 1 Mistake that Practitioners and Coaches make in their marketing strategy and copy writing
  • [and its solution]

This from a former student :::

"Jason McClain is the real deal. His personal life story makes the stories of both Tony Robbins and Christopher Howard look like happy-go-lucky children’s books. He has been quoted as saying, 'if I can be happy and successful anyone can'.

"He built a 6-figure practice from scratch with an intangible service ::: “Personal Evolution”. Something no one wakes up in the morning and thinks they need or looks for. His success was as a result of the incredible efficacy of the system he developed by trial and error."  --M.D.

A system I will hand over to you in this talk. Fine-tuned, streamlined ... optimized.

"I believe that right now is the time for the Evolutionary Professional™. The emergent agent of change integrating purpose and wealth; doing well as a result of doing good-- integrating universal spiritual principles and free market economics. I understand that the more of you I empowers to be successful, and have a full-time practice that is thriving, the better off the world will be.

Evolving the planet one client at a time is great, but it is horribly inefficient. *laughing* Let’s accelerate the process together."  --Jason D McClain

--

Jason D McClain will lead this talk.

Acquire knowledge from one of the most broadly educated minds in the coaching business always innocently irreverent, funny, affable, approachable, and obviously committed to serving you by delivering dense value in his talks, expect the tips you will learn in this evening to bear immediate and lasting fruit in your business and in your life.

Bring something to take notes with. Be ready to implement effective ethical strategies to dramatically increase your income as well as your levels of fulfillment.

Isn't it about time?

What ::: Evening for Practitioners
When ::: Tuesday, October 12th @ 7:30pm
Where ::: San Francisco in the Inner Sunset [9th and Judah-ish]

RSVP for exact address.

Update: The audio for this call is now avaialble here:
{mp3}free_teleseminars/20101011_clc_offering{/mp3}

[The next call in the series is Monday, October 18th. See details for registration at the bottom of this post and details on the entire series HERE.]

It is no secret that a primary component of building a 6-figure practice is to offer prospective clients a comprehensive package and path to step into.

[update: listen to this call below. Register for the remaining call in the series here]
{mp3}free_teleseminars/20101025_clc_initial_consultations{/mp3}

Take a moment to consider ...

What if you could count on a prospective client signing an extended package with you when you see them in person? When I say, "count on" I mean with 90% certainty?

As a holistic practitioner, you are sensitive to dynamics that do not feel right and you truly want to be of service to your prospective clients. You want to make sure they never feel pressured.

And they never should feel that--they do not to.

Discover how to have the best of all worlds ::: how to serve your potential client fully; how to convert more prospective clients into clients, and ultimately ... friends.

And do it by having a sales system that is in service of the actualization of the life they have always dreamed of ... and deserve.

Discover how on this tele-seminar. Details about the series here and registration here.

Over the years, I have written several several takes, applications, thoughts, and republished dialogues on ego and self-esteem.

In terms of personal development--irrespective of your motivations; no matter if the flashpoint is your inter-personal relationships or professional life--there is no single factor that is more important to the core of your happiness, your ease and flow, and your general thrival and expansion than your egoic development. From ego-centric to gender-centric or ethno-centric to world-centric to cosmo-centric.

Blah, blah, blah. Heh.

Below is a round-up of those articles to date.

Some are tailored to small business folk. Others are more abstract and theoretical. One is a dialogue about ego among me and my brilliant friends on facebook. All are important to you as you settle into the you that is expanding personally, professionally, financially, relationally...and yes, of course, Spiritually.

Where the rubber of possibility meets the road of reality [and sometimes leaves a mark] and whether it gains traction or not, is with this single point of access.

Yes, it will enable you to handle the crap life throws at you. Deal with the less visionary of the world. Regain your balance when you lose it, be able to draw boundaries, ask for what you know you deserve, and have the confidence in the truth that everything will be fine ... eventually. That you will learn, grow, develop, and thrive. Eventually.

And remember, while the distinctions are important, an ounce of integration is worth a pound of insight or knowledge. Build the muscle. Practice. Notice. Witness.

Okee-dokee. Enough of me waxing poetic. Here they are. From the divine to the practical. From the theoretical to the hard driving and direct. Have fun.

:::

1. Self-Esteem and the Solo-Entrepreneur
2. Evolutionary Thinking on the Evolution of Ego
3. Quadrant-Based Model for Esteem for the Self
4. The Need for Approval ::: Your Self-Worth is a Settled Matter

In Service and In Evolution,

jason.the.mcclain™

Thoughts + Action + Will = Your Dream or Vision Becoming a Reality

'

There is much discussion about what it takes to be successful—and what it takes to be an entrepreneur. What it takes to succeed at owning your own business. Or stated differently, what it takes to “manifest” your vision in the world.

And while many people try to emulate personalities, rather than systems—which is a sure-fire way to fail—and there are certainly tangible, unique characteristics that have a Steve Jobs or a Barak Obama, or a _________________  succeed, there are those that want to sum it up to “luck” or “chance” or “connections”. Or “timing”. Or, “that is just them”.

While there is a certain amount of all of those that will aid one in bringing their vision into the world—they only help.

Even without those additional “helpers” we have a huge amount of latitude and control over the degree of our success—and even whether we succeed—or not; and to what degree. And often the successful management of the following aspects can assist those helpers in appearing and happening as if by “magic”. 

There are three components or ingredients to having your vision become a reality

1. Thoughts  2. Action  3. Will [The Will to Carry It Through]

Thoughts 

So many people reduce this to the Law of Attraction only, and worse, want to have you believe you have already earned your success somehow—before you have actually produced anything or taken any action. Essentially before you have produced anything of value to others in the world.

I reject that wholeheartedly.

While the Law of Attraction is critical—and demystifying it equally so—so that you understand not only that it does work, but also why and how—it is not the only way to manage your mind that is critical. There are others seldom talked about.

Because I cover this at length in my Outcome Inevitability audio and I provide my clients and those who are members on the coaches site have access to—and also on the free Evolutionary Sales podcasts on iTunes—and others have done so as well…

Because of that, we will leave that in this writing and go to the meatier subjects :::

Thoughts: The inspired IDEA

You must have an idea. It does not have to be original. However, it must be at the right place in the “curve”. In other words, it has to either be a proven business model but not yet saturated in the market—or it can be new, but the technology and the market must be there to support the idea. AND it must not be on the sloping end of the curve—an idea that is making a lot of money now, but whose course has nearly run out or is about to end.

One of the greatest skills an entrepreneur must have is the ability to accurately perceive where the market is headed. There is no replacement for this skill. It means the difference between great success, failure, or middling success—and likewise great profits, or great losses. And while an entrepreneur knows that “failures” can be the sharpest learning opportunities, they can be costly, and well, let’s face it—less fun 

Thoughts: Deeper Meaning | Purpose

Additionally you must be able to tie it to deeper meaning. You’re not just creating a cool product or service—you are improving the lives of others—and ultimately making the world a better place somehow. You are serving humanity itself in some deep, meaningful way. Even with a small piece of software. Or a coaching offering. Or a new convenience appliance.

This will be your inspiration when you need to create or inspire others assisting you in making your vision a reality—and it will be your life preserver in the rough seas, should they come.

Remember it. Say it to yourself. Keep it in your mind’s eye. Feel it fully.

 Thoughts: Your Beliefs About What is Possible

Do you believe your success and the success of the venture is inevitable? You may need to adjust, sure, but keeping vigilance over your thoughts about success and possibility. The most powerful way to do that, that I suggest to all of my clients at some point is to discard the binary thinking; the either/or thinking ::: the question is not “will I succeed or not”, or “will this endeavor be successful or not”, the question is  ::: how? How will we make it successful? Or “what will it take”.

The very question itself provides a solution--if answered.

Even while reframing the disempowering questions, simply watch out for your self-talk or internal dialogue. Not necessarily to change the thoughts—although that is powerful—but additionally to notice those parts of you that may have valid concerns.

Some of them will be rational, valid concerns. Others—not so much. It is the irrational thoughts—the thoughts that are negative about the future with no real basis in reality or your personal history, that we want to reframe. The rational doubts should be addressed and honored—while still keeping your eye on the prize so-to-speak.

Thoughts: Your Belief In Your Worthiness

This aspect of your internal thoughts and beliefs is perhaps the most important underlying psychological factor. Do you feel you deserve to be successful? That you are good enough to begin the business, and be successful at it—and to reap its rewards?  This aspect of esteem for yourself—very different from whether you feel you can do it, are effective enough to do it, have the skills to do it—but do you deserve it. is your self worth such that it can contain the hundreds of thousands if not millions of dollars you may make from it.

If not, self-sabotage may be lurking.

Often I have clients who are playing a “big game”. They want to solve global problems. They want to serve humanity. AND they say to themselves, “who am I to XYZ.” I ask them who are they NOT to. Who are they to keep their gift from the world.

While that is a nifty little shortcut, the doubt about whether you are “good enough”—or the certainty you are—or whether you deserve it or not—will mean the difference between your success being inevitable, or self—sabotage on the other end of the spectrum.

And on that note, there is simply no replacement for healthy esteem for the self.

In the following weeks, we will cover the other two components in your success equation ::: Action and Will.

In Service,

 Jason The McClain-Ness

Part 2 can be found HERE. Part 3 Can be found HERE.

Self-Esteem Matrix

[Validation (V) ::: Worth | Referencing (R) ::: Efficacy]
Internal and external locus

If we combine Dr Nathaniel’s definition of self-esteem—that is that self-esteem has two integral and inseparable—yet equally important and parallel—components:

• Self-efficacy [knowledge of our effectiveness/our value/guilt]
• Self-respect [Making choices appropriate to life/self-worth/shame

…with another multi-dimensional idea ::: that the “high self-esteem” and “low self-esteem” binary representation is inadequate to accurately explain some behaviors and behavioral choices, and we look at where the individual’s attention is, then we begin to create a richer and deeper—and therefore more accurate signifier—a more accurate representation of esteem for the self.

I prefer that phrase, that is: esteem for the self, to the more common phrase “self-esteem” for two reasons:

1. The phrase/word “self-esteem” is one of the most misunderstood and overused phrases in American pop psychology. And,
2. The phrase Esteem for the Self refocuses our attention where it should be; our opinion of the “me” in our self-concept.

 The sad part is that what most of the “experts” in academia call “self-esteem” is simply not self-esteem, but rather “other-esteem”. This can border on the absurd when supposed experts call for an end to competition. Or, an end to grades in school.

Given that our esteem for the self is our immune system for life, it must be tested, so it can grow, respond, and develop the metaphoric antibodies to the hardships of life. While I am far from competitive, I am glad it existed in my upbringing. Grades. Martial Arts training, science contests, spelling bees, etc.

Anyway … to bring a richer texture to the conversation … in the above figure we have 4 basic locations or orientations to esteem for the self. Internal / external and validation / referencing.

Below are some relatively raw notes on the quadrants above, but more importantly, below that is a table that lays out some of the misconceptions about what it means to have true esteem for the self. For those of you who know me to be a proponent of stage conceptions, this is not in conflict with an egoic stage conception, but it would overly complicate the conversation for mass consumption to add another dimension in this writing.

If you are curious about how this quadrant-based model would interact with a stage conception for egoic development, shoot me an email … ok:

With no further ado:

UPPER LEFT ::: If someone is Internally validated [VI] and they are externally referenced [RE] then we have the ideal situation; someone who is internally validated, and therefore “immune” at a core level from the opinions of others—yet also externally referenced, meaning they care about gathering feedback from the outside world and from others—so they can continually become more effective, and—if need be—adjust their behaviors. This quadrant is the healthiest of the quadrants. Those grounded in this quadrant will be happiest, more at ease with themselves, interact more effectively with others, and produce better results in the real world.

UPPER RIGHT ::: Internally validated and internally referenced. Not ideal. They truly do not care about the opinions of feelings of others—and do not need them, but simultaneously they do not notice their impact or care about their impact. You could call this person the empowered idiot. Unaware entirely.

LOWER LEFT ::: Externally validated and externally referenced. This person is constantly contorting themselves to whomever is around them, based on subtle or gross cues, but they are also dependent on the opinion of others to feel good about themselves. They try to be everything for and to everybody. I jokingly refer to this quadrant as “hell”. They will never feel good about themselves as they are never in touch with themselves—and do not even know who they are—and their feelings will shift like the wind upon the whims or preferences of others.

LOWER RIGHT ::: Externally validated but internally referenced. This person is desperate for people’s attention, their validation and praise, yet is inner-focused and not able to adjust to cues. Imagine them seeking approval, and constantly bumping into walls and people all the time. Desperate for approval. Never quite able to do the right thing to get it. Let's call this quadrant "purgatory".

Heh.

Until next time ...

In Warmth and In Service ...

jason.the.mcclain™

We have been sold a bill of goods around ego. One that creates internal division and conflict. One that creates internal dissonance. One that creates pain. One that, at its worst, can foster a certain degree of self-hatred. A dis-ownership of the self. A bill of goods that is 2,500 years old in terms of its story around ego, the nature of ego, and the "problem" of ego.

And there is a better way. One that can create the same intended result with a kinder, gentler more self-accepting approach that can accelerate the evolution of the ego through the radical acceptance of expanding the ego, rather than attempting the psychological and spiritual suicide of ego annihilation. 

You can also see some similar themes around ego in the business context, read this article:  Self-Esteem and the Solo-Preneur | Internal vs. External Locus of Responsibility for an even deeper cut, taken from an email I sent a client a couple years ago, read Your Self-Worth is a Settled Matter.

Ok...ready? ::: Heh.

A quote from Ken Wilber I posted spawned an in-depth, yet brief—discussion on the nature and evolution of ego, Spiral Dynamics, the Integral community, and related topics, including the difference between cognitive development and actual development ::: the difference being understanding vs emotional response and being, or stated differently ::: one’s “center of gravity”.

The style is conversational, as it was an actual conversation.

Below are excerpted comments in the thread that followed. The order of some of the comments have been changed for continuity of the discussion, and for flow. Some have been deleted for the sake of relevance. If you want to see the full, unedited thread for yourself, you can see that HERE. The edited and streamlined version is below for your reading enjoyment.

The quote that started it all :::

“The ego is not a thing but a subtle effort, and you cannot use effort to get rid of effort--you end up with two efforts instead of one. The ego itself is a perfect manifestation of the Divine, and it is best handled by resting in Freedom, not by trying to get rid of ego, which simply increases the effort of ego itself.” --Ken Wilber 

Of course, I cannot speak for Ken Wilber—nor will I attempt to.

Simultaneously, I have read and listened to most of his stuff. As a result, I can certainly imagine—to varying degrees of accuracy—what he is speaking to, so I will attempt to translate him.

AND this will be based on my own experience after 19 years of conscious work, clearing, and self-examination and evolution—AND based on my work with over 200 clients one-on-one in my Personal Evolution Program, which lasted [when I used to do that work]  about 7 months--designed to accelerate the evolution of their ego ::: to widen their embrace. To increase their ease. To reduce their fear. To eliminate most of their anger. To increase their esteem for the Self.

So I may be and will be projecting/hallucinating…and it will be accurate—to varying degrees. Your mileage may vary.

So…what is “ego”? Most in popular spiritual and psychological circles will say we must transcend our ego, or worse ::: “annihilate it”. Is this healthy? Is this ecological? Does it suit the ecology of the environment we exist in?

The ecology of the self?

Is “ego what motivates us” as Pi asserts? Perhaps sometimes, yes. perhaps always—sure.

And the question for me becomes, motivates HOW? From what stage? Because, you see, we will be motivated differently from different stages, for different reasons.

For me, ego is essentially the seat of our consciousness. Where it rests and comes from. Not its Source. Its Source is the very kosmos ::: consciousness with a capital C. 

James Reidy suggested as a definition :::

Ego: n. a person's conscious and unconscious beliefs about their own identity. 

To which I responded ::: think of it as a prism through which Spirit is shining. A prism the light of God Consciousness shines through [and is skewed to varying degrees]. To the degree the stuff you are talking about is clear and or conscious is the degree to which it is god/dess, spirit, the very cosmos. I would say the stuff you are talking about is the dirt on the glass. 

Which is what I think Ken Wilber means when he says:

“The ego itself is a perfect manifestation of the Divine."

Everything is a perfect manifestation of the divine. That is the essence of non-dual reality. AND of course, even duality is held within non-duality. It must be. Spirit does not judge. We do.

And if we are careful to incorporate stages, the ever-increasing, ever-widening waves and stages and levels that one passes through, plateaus at, regresses and contracts to on occasion—where our emotional reactions come from and where our interpretations are filtered through—whether we use Kolberg, Gilligan, or Gravesian models to determine our “stage” ego can not be transcended.

It cannot be annihilated—with one exception. Blowing your brains will do it.

Death will do it.

And this is the problem I have with most “gurus” is they set up a massive internal conflict or increase internal dissonance/discordance with their idea about annihilating the ego. Their 2-dimensional, either/or relationship to ego. Which is what I think Ken Wilber is pointing to when he says :::

“The ego is not a thing but a subtle effort, and you cannot use effort to get rid of effort--you end up with two efforts instead of one."

AND it is only their ego that wants you to annihilate yours—to submit to them.

However, we can get the same intended results of openness, expansiveness, acceptance, with a more ecological and holistic understanding of ego. And with that understanding, what we CAN do is evolve it. Expand it. Have it occur as more diffuse. So wide and so diffuse it needs no protection. It needs no assertion. It has nothing to prove.

It will occur like a transcendent ego. It will look like “ego-less-ness”. What it actually looks like it the ever-expanding upward spiral. AN unfolding. A larger embrace.

Let me ask you what kind of ego can be “one with all things that are arising…moment to moment…even now”? I’ll tell you what kind of ego—a huge fucking ego. A wide and high ego. A diffuse ego. An ego so large that feedback or other’s attacks are accepted and absorbed into it like a still lake. it is also a subtle ego.

Unfortunately we are used to seeing very loud, pre-rational egos, and calling that “ego”. Yet it is an underdeveloped, uncertain ego than needs to be a gross [vs subtle], hard, reactive, ego. A defensive ego. Not a huge, well developed ego. A large, expanded ego is subtle and diffuse.

Simultaneously, their presence can be very powerful. When they look at you, their gaze often sees deeper into you than you have into yourself, which can be very uncomfortable for some. For others, habit forming.

Wilber again: "…and it is best handled by resting in Freedom, not by trying to get rid of ego"

AND as I am fond of saying ::: the biggest ego trip in the kosmos is thinking you can or will ever “transcend” your ego.

However, we can expand it, evolve it, and have it so developed and so diffuse that it occurs “transcendent” for most people—because there is little resistance. There is so much confidence that you do not need to prove yourself—even to yourself. It allows you to more easily look in the mirror. To accept where you are wrong and have wronged.

There is a true freedom there. The freedom that Wilber speaks to, I believe. And resting there…is fun in the quiet joy kind of way.

Derek Arckis said :::

Another example is: 'Awareness alone is curative'. Yes, this works well as well, if you don't have to come back into the world (Samara) and socially function via emotions and affect response / motive (seat of ego). Not so subtle if you ask me. Awareness of the great intensity of feeling through the burning off of karma is much more realistic and painful, yet truly evolutionary, rather than blowing (ungrounded) in the high winds of a brightly lit day (merely enlightenment). 

But who wants to bypass the quick and dirty and do the actual work to truly evolve (in the egoic sense, rather than mere cognitive experience)?

Exactly … AND what it takes to get there—is work. Being vigilant in our awareness. The subtleties of our awareness. Subtle effort. And in that, is freedom. When re-relax into the Witness—our ever-present awareness—we are there in the atmosphere of enlightenment.

I understand this turns the popular idea of ego on its head. I get that. I also get that Wilber and Cohen [not Cowan] have both talked about this in passing—briefly. At least the idea that it is a big ego that is an enlightened ego—and the obviousness of the stages in all of their work.

Why they still talk about it in two-dimensional terms I am uncertain of. I have one major guess ::: They are speaking into the existent memes and tapping those associations, rather than attempting to undertake the effort to recode and reframe over 2,500 years of entrenched traditions.

Given they are some of the very few who understand this, that is my guess.

AND who knows?

They do. He does. Some part of you does … even now.

Relationships: Effective Communication | Elegant Navigation

Part 2: The Solutions (1100 words, average reading time: 4.5 minutes)

[Part 1 can be found HERE]

I have a very simple approach to relationships, that avoids most, if not all, of the problems outlined in the interpersonal conflicts above. It is the philosophical grounding I take on in all of my relationships explicitly:

• Realize—and accept—the fact that no one way of approaching relationships, communication, or conflict is the “right way”. That there is no consensus agreement or reality except that which you form with the Other. They are simply different styles…therefore take this on as an organizing principle and act accordingly: 

• Give the other person the freedom to be however they want; to be self expressed free from attempts to control them or suppress them
• Give yourself the freedom to be fully self-expressed—to be your authentic self
• In the event that one person’s behavior upsets the other, the person who is upset makes a clear request to alter the offending behavior
  • If they accept the request, you now have an agreement
  • If they decline the request, you now know what to expect from them and have more understanding of each other’s approach to the world
  • Forge an agreement with the other that this is the way you will approach relationships and conflict

Simple.

It gives both parties maximum freedom to be themselves. It treats both parties like adults who are responsible for their own experience—and can express their needs. Everything is on the table and at face value. There is no second-guessing. There is no ambiguity. There are no guessing games or “game playing”.

And really, holding someone accountable to agreements they have not made—in the form of your unstated expectations—is simply unjust. It is also supremely arrogant, in that it assumes that “well, everybody knows that you should…” which can be translated at a deeper level of its assumption is “my way of doing relationships is the global standard”. 

Incredibly arrogant.

Your way of doing it may be more effective—and may even be more enjoyable for both parties if accepted by and engaged in by both parties—but it is not the only way to do it, and in the absence of an explicit consensus or agreement reality, you must create one.

As I said, it is simple. However, it is not easy.   

There are several things you must do and develop efficacy with for this approach to work and work well for both parties.  There is also a very effective way to communicate through those upsets before making your request (the last bullet point above). We’ll get to that in a few minutes.

First, here is what you must do:

Take on the recommended philosophical grounding and approach outlined in the bullet points above. 

Take responsibility. Don’t do it for them, or for the other person. Do it for yourself—as your esteem for yourself will expand and grow each time you accept responsibility. Your sense of self expands. It also has the effect of allowing people who are emotionally mature enough to follow suit and take responsibility for their part in it—rather than polarizing, blaming each other, and digging your heels in—to the detriment of the relationship and/or for the thin gruel of short-term ego inflation (as opposed to healthy egoic expansion, which occurs, again, by taking responsibility). 

Engage in as many other practices as possible to build true and healthy esteem for the self.  It is your immune system for your emotional life.

Make a firm decision to practice and exercise your facility with self.  At a bare minimum, know that even if your interpretations of what is occurring are mostly accurate, they are at least incomplete. Always look to include more information in your world-view. Expand your perspective.

More advanced practices to exercise your internal facility would be to consider:

• How else could the events/their actions be interpreted?
• Where else could the person be coming from?
  • What else—besides your disempowering interpretation/projection/guess—could be their motivations? Their intent? Their outcome?
  • What could their positive intent be?
  • Step into their shoes. What could their experience of you be right now? Is it positive? Neutral? Negative? What else is going on right now for them that is straining their resources?
  • What emotion is underneath their communication—and speak directly to and validate that before getting to facts and agreements

Take on a responsible and conscious model for communicating your emotions, expectations, and for requesting an agreement around styles.

All three of those can be addressed by one simple model—in 4 steps. For this, I borrow heavily from Dr Marshall Rosenberg’s work. Here is my suggested approach to communicate upset and negotiate an agreement:

1. State the emotion responsibly [“responsibly” is explained below in step 1]
2. Take responsibility for the unstated/un-agreed-to expectation
3. Make a request
4. Get an answer

Let me provide an example of the kind of language to accomplish this, mapped to the steps, with some guidelines. Let’s take an innocuous example of someone not calling you and they then arrive 20 minutes late [recommended language in bold]:

1. I am noticing I am experiencing anger [or worry, or frustration, or ____________”… [not “you made me angry”, “It pisses me off when you do that”, etc. Not everyone would be angered by it. It is your interpretation and your expectation causing the upset—not some external force or person;
2. That’s because I have an expectation that people will call if they are going to be more than  _____  minutes late…
3. So my request is that from now on, if you are going to be more than _____ late that you call and let me know.
4. Is that something you are willing to agree to…or not? [yes and no must both be fine answers, otherwise it is a demand/boundary declaration, not a request. Give them the freedom to say no]

This model can be used with any situation between two people where there is emotional upset present to elegantly and rapidly move through it.

And…to turn this in on itself, you could use this very model to get agreement around using this model. In fact, I highly recommend you do that.

How? Here is the model used to get agreement around the model:

1. I am noticing I am frustrated by the way we have been communicating when we are upset or in conflict
2. That’s because I have an expectation that it could be done in a way that would honor us both, while moving through it rapidly
3. So my request is that from now on, when we are upset, we use this simple 4-step process when we are upset  [show them the model—heck, show them this article]
4. Is that something you are willing to agree to…or not?

Simple.

If there is an actual agreement in place that was broken, there is another equally facile way to move through that…but I will save that for another time.

Some people have protested, “but this takes so much consciousness” or “so much awareness” or “but they should just know that…”

You have to choose for yourself if the relationship—intimate or friendly or professional—is worth increasing your consciousness and your skill. And it is a skill to navigate both your own interiors as well as the conflict using these approaches and models. Since it is a skill it will take practice—and give yourself the freedom to stumble until you become skilled at it.

What awaits you on the other side is fulfilling relationships based on clarity and truth—rather than assumptions and delusion—as well as the ability to rapidly move through conflict so that it takes just minutes, rather than days—or, frankly, never—to do so. AND these are approaches and skills that will serve not only you, but all of those around you in every single context and every relationship in your life.

Do it for yourself, if nothing else.

I think you’re worth it. I trust you do as well.

For more clarity and resources on the critical component of self-esteem, see Dr Nathaniel Branden’s work in general, and his Six Pillars of Self Esteem in particular. Here is an article to get you started.

Relationships: Effective Communication | Elegant Navigation

Part 1: The Problem (1346 words. Average reading time: 6 minutes)

In the global marketplace of cultures, ideas, relationships, and business strategies, we can no longer say that there is one way to “do relationships” or that there is an “is-ness” to what form they should take.

 There simply is no global—or even local—consensus around relationships—if there ever was.

Whether we are speaking about arranged marriages still common on the other side of the globe in India, gay marriages—legal in some countries and some U.S. States or other alternative forms of relating from polyamory, or other non-traditional, non-monogamous relationship forms, we can certainly say that what is considered an acceptable form of relating is massively expanding in scope.

Whether you agree or disagree with those life-style choices, it is undeniable that the very idea of relationship is in evolution both morally and culturally.  Not to mention in practicality—in form.

And yet … 

And yet, most people still cannot seem to even navigate the waters of traditional relationships with facility and elegance.  Even many friendships are not always fulfilling and conflicts are rarely navigated effectively—if at all. Sadly, many marriages and intimate romantic relationships often hobble along until people are just in a habit, not a relationship. They’re still “together” on the surface, but the reality, truth, intimacy, and dynamism faded—or died—long ago.

They are in a habit, not an actual relationship.

There are certainly exceptions to this.  Both in relationships and in society as a whole. We have individuals and small “intentional” communities who have it as one of their stated values to become facile at navigating the waters of relationships—including  conflicts and misunderstandings that arise, as well as their internal, individual, personal emotional upset or “charge” that comes along with it—with skill, ease, and a good degree of elegance.

But even after more than 40 years of the rise and expansion of the human potential movement, these are exceptions, not rules.  Heck, they are often not even expected standards, let alone the rule.

But it could be so.  

We can all have fulfilling, harmonious relationships. Even in conflict, there are philosophical approaches as well effective communication models that, if take on, can fulfill on this possibility—and make it a reality.

So…what are they?

 First, let’s look at some of the common problems that arise. And then, together, we will examine some simple solutions.

The Problems

Many of dynamics within inter-personal problems and/or conflicts can be summed up thusly:

• A belief that relationships are “supposed to take work” or “supposed to be hard”
• Dishonesty. Dishonesty in at least two ways
  • Deceit—actual lying
  • Hiding the truth—not just of facts, which we will lump in with the above, but of our internal, subjective experience. Our process. And what is going on for us.
• Blaming others for our circumstances or the situation AND
• Failing to take responsibility for our part in a conflict or misunderstanding
• Simply meaning two different things—or interpreting something in two different ways—that are in conflict unknowingly until the it causes a conflict explicitly and openly
• An egoic need to “be right” put before a search for truth and accuracy
• A lack of emotional choice or facility [being run by our anger, fear, anxiety, guilt, resentments etc.]
• A lack of knowledge around how to effectively communicate through a conflict—a lack of a positive, effective, workable model
• A lack of skillful means with those models
• A collision of values/world-views that are in conflict

Why are people dishonest? Several reasons seem to occur most frequently:

• We do not want to “rock the boat”
• We do not want to hurt someone’s feelings by telling them the truth [even though, in reality, most people can handle the truth, it is the deception or the hiding that causes the true hurt once revealed or discovered
• Fear—fear of being judged, fear of being alone, fear of being rejected, or just plain fear of speaking the truth directly.

Why do people blame others?  Oh, so many reasons, but a few common reasons are:

• It’s just easier to point the finger outside of oneself than it is to take responsibility—even when oneself is more “to blame”.
• We do not have solid enough sense of self to take responsibility without going into a state of shame—and therefore avoid doing so
• We have fault and blame collapsed with responsibility

Why do people resist—sometimes at great cost interpersonally and in terms of intimacy—taking responsibility?

Sadly, people think that responsibility equals blame or fault, but they are actually separate matters. Responsibility really means just that—being able to respond.  To engage. To resolve. To accept your part in it.  When they collapse fault and blame with taking responsibility, they avoid it like the plague, lest they experience guilt and/or shame around it.  Unfortunately, the other person in the equation is often all too willing to assist the other in feeling guilt or shame for egoic reasons—or to extract their pound of flesh, their pint of blood.

While I certainly do not want to oversimplify these complex and multi-faceted issues, we could say that all of those items can boil down to one core cause: insufficient esteem for the self; a lack of healthy and appropriate ego development. Except in the case of actual physical abuse, there is no reason other than a lack of esteem for yourself—knowledge of your competence to communicate it and your belief that you deserve to be happy—to explain it. AND, in the case of actual physical abuse, if the individual is staying in that system—and therefore participating in it—we can trace it to the same core: a lack of esteem for the self; that they deserve better and take action to make it so.

Without boring you by vivisecting all of those problem dynamic bullet points let’s cut to the quick of it: we could trace all of the problems in relationships down to 4 basic common denominators, 3 of them completely resolvable, and the 4^th, quite often possible to resolve:

1. Anemic esteem for the Self
2. Underdeveloped facility – both emotionally as well as communication skills
3. Lack of knowledge of effective communication models or processes
4. A collision of worldviews at the level of values

We will address solutions to items 1, 2, and 3 in Part 2. For a partial examination of the 4^th item, I will point you to another article on that subject HERE.

 You can proceed to Part 2 of this article: The Solutions «HERE».

In the modern marketplace, if you are in business for yourself or at a high level within a company you work for, it is impossible to avoid social media and its use if you truly want to thrive. That combined with what I believe is an emerging Age of Authenticity ... well, you get the picture.

Just scratching the surface of the broad strokes, it allows you to:

1. Provide value to others
2. Manage your brand
3. Market inexpensively and freely
4. Show your human side
5. Stay connected to others, events, and your own reputation
6. Other fun and cool stuff

This is why I cover social media in depth in the technology module of the Evolutionary Sales course.

But recently, I have stumbled onto a few resources I thought some would find useful and valuable, and I wanted to recommend them to you.

The first is a wonderfully in-depth book I read about a year ago: Tactical Transparency: How Leaders Can Leverage Social Media to Maximize Value and Build their Brand. Whether you are a solo-preneur or you are in charge of PR for an enterprise level organization, its content will be very, very useful to you. Chock-full of examples of both the dos and don'ts and great advice for best practices. I recommend you pick it up at Amazon at the link above.

And since social media is all about sharing, here is an incredibly useful article: 9 Reasons Why Your Content Is Not Shared on Social Networks: New Research. Again, very useful stuff backed by a respectable amount of research. Links to follow in that post as well.

And if you are looking for full education around social media for small or solo businesses, I can not recommend Laura Roeder enough. Just a great person who really, really knows her stuff and is on a scale the rest of us can relate to. She gives away a ton of free valuable content if you subscribe to The Dash.

On blogging [and really, email marketing as well] here is a great piece intended for students, but equally as relevant for solo-preneurs in re blogging, articles, and email marketing on how to write great headlines and subject lines, using, one again, using some of Guy Kawasaki's Genius.

And finally for this post, I thought I would round it out with something humorous/light/fun and also very useful. So many people ask [especially now that Google+ is out to a wider invite pool] which social media service they should join, or what is suited for them, or what is the differences among them, or even, "what's the point". So, via the genius of Guy Kawasaki comes the Social Network Decision Tree. Have fun with that.

UPDATE ::: several people have asked me about facebook fan pages. Without intending the pun, I am not a fan of fan pages on facebook. You can read a prime example of why I do not recommend them »HERE«.

And in general, I have a long-held aversion to running anything in re business where I invest a lot of time, energy and/or money when I do not "own" the data and the DB. I have known a couple people who have lost everything in biz groups as a result of a facebook "oops". You do not really own your data, and your ability to administer it is at least limited on facebook [or any other social networking site].

At the same time, the service is free--you get what you pay for--and we have no right to complain about such a great platform that is offered to us at no cost.

Having said that, it does not mean I will build my business on it in any signifigant way.

How I think facebook pages can be useful is to interact with followers on a platform they are already subscribed to, but I still think the pages should be used to drive traffic to our actual web sites outside of the closed eco-system of facebook.

Update 2:   in re who reads what [links you share, emails you send out, etc. Again, via Guy Kawasaki ::: "Fascinating study by Bit.ly about the lifespan of tweets and updates. It found that the half-life (how long it took for 50% of all clicks to occur that a link would ever get) was 2.8 hours for Twitter, 3.2 hours for Facebook, and 3.4 hours for direct messages (such as email)."

Check out the research » HERE« And speaking of the stream, readmore about the art of the Tweet repeat » HERE«

Update 3: Also ... be sure to check out How to Avoid the 7 Deadly Website Sins.

Update 4: I have been asked about scheduling tools for social media. The tool I currently recommend is Hootsuite Pro. It allows you to scheudle your entire markeitng day [or your social stuff while you are off the grid] in advance. I used to recommend TweetDeck, but sice twitter bough them and took over development, they stripped it of a lot of its functionality.

And if you have not read the email charter, do that » HERE « 

In Service,

jason.the.mcclain™

Over the years, I have written a piece or two [or 3] on relationships and communication. From many perspectives and assessing many forms of relating. Given how often I have had the opportunity to send some of these articles to clients lately, I figured that a round-up of the most salient entries was in order.

The four I recommend as "covering the bases" are below. I list them in order of expansiveness:

Are you in a relationship? Or in a habit? How would you know? I take on this question in the following article:

Living Consciously: Fulfilling Relationships, Values, Forms

In the next two-part article, we address the problems as well as the solutions to many [if not most] inter-personally conflicts. Both the mindsets as well as practical solutions.

Relationships. Elegant Navigation, Effective Communication ::: Part 1

Relationships. Elegant Navigation, Effective Communication ::: Part 2

And finally, the headline says it all on this one, as clunky and geeky as it is:

Form and Evolution; the Myth of Post-Conventional Relating Mapping to Form

May they enrich your relationships--be they friendly, romantic, or professional.

A student of my material sent an email with some very good questions for client management including how to handle contract extensions, referrals, testimonials and general end-of-contract dynamics and structures.

I have re-posted relevant portions of the email exchange below for you.

I've listened to your recordings from previous coaching programs and have found them to be insanely valuable. I've signed 8 clients and raised my rates already in the first few months of the program, and I attribute it to following your sales process to a "T".

A HUGE thank you.

My pleasure. I am delighted to hear they were useful to you.  

As a couple of my 6-session coaching packages are coming to a close, I have questions around how you structure the end-of-package process. Here are some specific questions:

Do you formally review outcomes with your clients at the end of a package? If so, how do you structure this conversation?

 

Yes we do. Twice in fact. We review their outcomes and the stated evidence for those outcomes about 2/3 of the way through the process. This review is important so we can see where we are on track, see where we already achieved the outcome(s), and see where we need to focus out remaining time together.

Additionally, in the final session, what we do is review their outcomes [mostly I print them out and hand them the assessment we made together] and with those, I have them fill out an extensive feedback sheet or "exit survey" as I like to call it. 

When do you raise the issue of referrals? I love how you talk about referrals on the FAQ page of your site, and I'm wondering how else you support those ideas and maximize the chance of the client biasing toward action.

I never really raise the issue of referrals along the way. For two reasons really, 1) I find it a little off for the Evolutionary Sales™ approach, and 2) I usually I do not have to because they do--and when they mention this friend or that colleague, I tell them how to refer people to me--get their permission to give me their contact information and leave the rest to me.

Additionally, because referrals are part of the agreement they signed, the exit survey gives them an opportunity to write down two names and phone numbers for referrals they have permission from to do so--which re-presences it for them if they have forgotten; it is right there on the last page of the feedback sheet.

Do you collect testimonials from clients? This seems like it would be good material for my website, which isn't up yet. If so, how do you frame it? When do you ask for it (i.e. at the end of a package, when the client is at a peak)

Yes, of course. When they write or say something that is a peak or they are acknowledging me about something I simply ask, "can I quote you on that?" with a friendly chuckle. Then I ask them if I can edit it and send it to them for their approval before I publish it. Sometimes they want anonymity, but I then just use it and us this attribution:  " --Anonymity Requested".  

The truth is, I have no interest in the compliment personally [as in an ego boost or a pat on the back--no interest in that]. However, practically and professionally, you bet I want to hear that--as long as I can quote them on it. Compliments are of no value to me. Testimonials are.

Often, when they say something that would make a great testimonial, typing it up is the thing that is in their way and delays it becoming a testimonial. That, and they are worried about writing it well or "doing it right". So I offer to type it up for them to capture their sentiments and send it to them for their approval.

This removes both the barrier and the delay.

How and when do you have the discussion about signing on for additional coaching? Either to continue work on outcomes that were originally defined OR taking the momentum of coaching and applying it to a new set of outcomes. If the latter, would you do another exploratory with your client?

That is typically driven by that final review of their outcomes. If we have achieved, say, 4 out of 5 of their primary outcomes, and are close on the 5th, we may sign for an additional 2 or 4 sessions. That is rare though. I would guess about 1 in 15. However, I only work with comprehensive packages and it is designed to not be renewed. 

If you are beginning your practice you will be working with a smaller package--as you mentioned, yours are 6-session packages currently--and have more opportunity and more cause to renew or extend. It should still be outcome driven though--not just relational--so we stick to results and not build dependencies in our clients on us.

We want to free them. We want them to "graduate" from us.

However, you are just getting oriented to your offering and you do not yet have a full, comprehensive offering. So you will extend more frequently in the beginning of building your practice. As you do that--regardless of whether they sign for additional sessions or not--you want to have your attention on what else they needed--basically, what was missing from your offering you should add--as those insights will go a long way into bullding a longer offering in the future.

Additionally, on extentions, Evolutionary Sales™ is about outcomes and the vision of what achieving them would make possible in their lives. Remember, we are not selling a service, we are assisting them in selling themselves on their own outcomes and what that will make possible in their lives. This orientation also takes the question of extensions away from anything personal or adversarial, and orients it on their future and their outcomes. In partnership. Looking in the same direction shoulder-to-shoulder.

This approach has "objections" simply not arise; there is nothing for them to resist or push back against. It will either be a fit or make sense to continue, or it won't.

If you already achieved or resolved what they wanted to achieve or resolve, and you have the sense you can serve them further, then you can simply ask them if they are interested in more, and what they see as possible now [their vision for themselves has likely shifted/expanded].

If they are drawing a blank, but you see a lot for them that they "need" and than you can assist with, you may also may just ask them if you can offer something [ask permission] and tell them what additional work you see they could take on and you could do together and ask them if that interest them--and informally seal the deal by asking, "so, wanna go for it?" they say yes, and then you simply say, great, let's handle the formalities--and then proceed to create a new contract for an extension--or add an addendum to the original agreement.

I would not necessarily do another exploratory session. More likely, we just schedule a paid session where we do a fresh, thorough outcome elicitation and evidence clarification for the next phase of our work together. 

If they're not interested in doing more coaching right away, how and how often do you keep in touch with your clients?

I simply ask them; I let them determine the contact frequency. If they are not interested in more then, and they express interest in more work in the future, you can go one of two ways:

1. Ask them if they want to agree to work together in the future with a specific start date, as they may have some time-frame in their mind. Barring that, 

2. Ask them when you should check in with them next [and how often]. And then you put that in your calendar and be sure to do that. I also ask them if I shoudl call or send them an email. This not only makes sure you are using permission-based sales and marketing, but that you are honoring their preferences.

Thanks so much in advance for taking the time to contribute to me! (gotta love that phrase)

 My pleasure. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to contribute to you.  

9.27.2011 ::: Update: Tom Hoobyar has passed on to another plane. Now, Vikki needs your help. At times, his care was costing upwards of $5K a day. Please follow the link near the bottom of this post to contribute to the medicals bills she now faces in this time of grief.

Tom Hoobyar has pancreatic cancer. Stage 4. He is on full life-support in Reno in ICU. He is in a semi-comatose state.

As of this writing, I was with Tom in the ICU in Reno, NV Monday night with others from his community. 

Many of you know Tom, or know of him--particularly if you are in the NLP community. He is an iconic figure. A true gift and a treasure and a resource. He is the reason the NLP Cafes exist.

You can keep up-to-date on the Facebook page here:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/250177441679151/

More directly, please go to this link and support Tom [and regardless of the medical outcome, Vikki, his gracious and adoring wife]:

http://www.gofundme.com/for-the-love-of-tom

What is there to say about Tom?

Tom Hoobyar. They just don't make 'em like that any more. Heart of gold. Mind of steel. Hands of gentle power.

Tom gave and gave and gave. Tom's the kind of guy you can call and you know you can count on him to just ... be there.

His love and his true love [Vikki Hoobyar] are such lights in the world. Lights that will continue to flicker and shine and cast shadows and chase shadows away. And no matter how weak or strong that flame, even just the thought of him/her/them/it brings warmth to the heart that comforts deeper than the sun ever could.

I love you Tom. I love you Vikki. You are loved. You are cherished. In this life and on this plane ... and on others.

*humble and deep bow*

Go here now:
http://www.gofundme.com/for-the-love-of-tom

RSVP Required. See below for details.

Right now is the time for the Evolutionary Professional™. The emergent agent of change integrating purpose and wealth; doing well as a result of doing good-- integrating universal spiritual principles and free market economics. I understand that the more of you I empowers to be successful, and have a full-time practice that is thriving, the better off the world will be. 

"I doubled my business in the first two months of the program [Coaching the Life Coach] by Jason McClain!"       -Boston Blake

There are only a few components successful coaches and practitioners must incorporate into their practice to turn it into a business. At the same time, you can be “doing” these things, and still be unsuccessful unless you have the necessary techniques and ethical tactics incorporated into the components. 

Not just the “how” but “how specifically”.

In this free evening talk discover:

• The 3 Necessary Components for Building and Maintaining a 6-Figure Practice
• 7 "Tricks of the Trade" including :::
  • 4 strategies successful coaches and practitioners engage in on a regular basis to maintain their practice
  • 3 critical techniques to turn your initial consultations into results
• The Number 1 Mistake that Practitioners and Coaches make in their marketing strategy and their copy writing
  • [and it’s solution]

We'll get into how to create and hone your extended offering/package for clients. We'll talk about how to give talks, blog, and give teleseminars to acquire clients. And yes, we'll get into Evolutionary Sales™.

A system I will hand over to you in this talk. Fine-tuned, and streamlined over years of trial and error.

Yep, all in just a couple hours.

"Jason McClain is the real deal. His personal life story makes the stories of both Tony Robbins and Christopher Howard look like happy-go-lucky children’s books. He has been quoted as saying, 'if I can be happy and successful anyone can'.  -Former Student, Anonymity Requested

When?  ::: Tuesday October 11th @ 7:15pm

Where? ::: In San Francisco. RSVP for exact location. Space is limited.

Why?   Why ...

I believe that right now is the time for the Evolutionary Professional™. The emergent agent of change integrating purpose and wealth; doing well as a result of doing good-- integrating universal spiritual principles and free market economics. I understand that the more of you I empowers to be successful, and have a full-time practice that is thriving, the better off the world will be.

Evolving the planet one client at a time is great, but it is horribly inefficient. *laughing* Let’s accelerate the process together.

Use the contact form on this site to RSVP

For many, many months, I have re-posted this note on my facebook wall. Given the positive feedback I have recieved, I thought I would post i there for your benefit.

--

"I am a mouth for a process that many of us are going though. The more intimately I deal with how it is for me, the more intimately I am sharing how it is for you." -Ram Dass

Some have asked about my updates. The are sexual/primal. And then emotive [poetry shares] and then cognitive/political and then spiritual/ethereal/transcendent. Huh. Yeah. Weird, huh?

What's up with this guy? Where is The.McClain comin' from?

As I have written before, it is not transcend and deny, it is not transcend and suppress. Rather transcend and *include*.

I assert being fully alive is to be sexual and primal. To be emotive and love. To be cognitive and mentally sharp and discerning AND yes, of course to be Spiritual/transcendent/ethereal. ALL of it. ALL fully flowing ::: ALL channels open. All channels awake. All channels channeling.

I have also found that the more I give voice to the darker more primal drives, the more comfortably my students and clients are willing to share and examine those places within themselves -- the more they are able to feel safe. AND within that, they can accelerate the dissolution of those aspects to the degree that it is appropriate. For them. For the very process of evolution. The evolution of conscious evolution.

And it all begins by shining the light on the "shadow" aspects of ourselves. The unspoken [and "inappropriate" aspects of ourselves. The politically incorrect. The lecherous. The murderous. The rageful. The ... well you get it. Consciousness, when it is at full, is *all* of it.

It is all, of course, part of the human experience.

So expect to see me cycle through those drives, levels, energetic centers, stages, etc. [consciously and intentionally]. So yes, you will see me talk [or quote] of fucking and eating/indulging. Of feeling and loving ::: epically. AND calling our leaders to task--not based on partisanship, but on results--regardless of who is "in power", while pointing to guiding lights I myself am moving toward and hoping we all move toward.

Pre-rational ::: Rational ::: Trans-rational

...and then repeating again.

In service of the very nature of the upward Spiral itself.

But know that you may not understand my choices, and you may not agree with them ::: and they may not be wise [heh] ::: BUT - most of the time - they are incredibly intentional and conscious.

-Intrinsic McClain-Ness™

RSVP Required. See below for details.

In the times we face today, it has never been more challenging or more urgent that we integrate our purpose and our spiritual sensibilities with our wealth acquisition strategies.

And ... it is tough. We've all faced some degree of the belief that our spirit and our wealth is in conflict. Sadly, in the last few years, this has come into even higher relief; even greater contrast.

Not only can we integrate our purpose and our prosperity, but we must.

In this evening introduction, we will over:

• The 3 critical components for building and maintaining a 6-figure practice
• How to sell without selling; sell from a place of service and contribution
• How to turn your initial consultations into results

What else will we cover?

•  "Tricks of the Trade" including :::
  • 4 strategies successful coaches and practitioners engage in on a regular basis to maintain their practice
  • 3 critical techniques to turn your initial consultations into results
• The Number 1 Mistake that Practitioners and Coaches make in their marketing strategy and their copy writing
  • [and it’s solution]

We'll get into how to create and hone your extended offering/package for clients. We'll talk about how to give talks, blog, and give teleseminars to acquire clients. And yes, we'll get into Evolutionary Sales™.

A system I will hand over to you in this talk. Fine-tuned, and streamlined over years of trial and error.

Yep, all in just a couple hours.

When?  ::: Monday April 16th @ 7:30pm
Where? ::: In San Francisco. RSVP for exact location. Space is limited.
Why?  

Why ...

I believe that right now is the time for the Evolutionary Professional™. The emergent agent of change integrating purpose and wealth; doing well as a result of doing good-- integrating universal spiritual principles and free market economics. I understand that the more of you I empower to be successful, and have a full-time practice that is thriving, the better off the world will be.

And if you have read this far ... you sense the same thing. Join us:

Use the contact form on this site to RSVP for the exact location.

In the times we face today, it has never been more challenging or more urgent that we integrate our purpose and our spiritual sensibilities with our wealth acquisition strategies.

And ... it is tough. We've all faced some degree of the belief that our spirit and our wealth is in conflict. Sadly, in the last few years, this has come into even higher relief; even greater contrast.

Not only can we integrate our purpose and our prosperity, but we must. 

In this evening introduction, we will cover:

• The 3 critical components for building and maintaining a 6-figure practice
• How to sell without selling; sell from a place of service and contribution
• How to turn your initial consultations into results

What else will we cover?

•  "Tricks of the Trade" including :::
  • 4 strategies successful coaches and practitioners engage in on a regular basis to maintain their practice
  • 3 critical techniques to turn your initial consultations into results
• The Number 1 Mistake that Practitioners and Coaches make in their marketing strategy and their copy writing
  • [and it’s solution]

We'll get into how to create and hone your extended offering/package for clients. We'll talk about how to give talks, blog, and give teleseminars to acquire clients. And yes, we'll get into Evolutionary Sales™.

A system I will hand over to you in this talk. Fine-tuned, and streamlined over years of trial and error.

When?  ::: Monday, November 21st @ 7:30pm Pacific

Followed by:

Monday, November 28th @ 7:30pm Pacific
Monday, December 5th @ 7:30pm Pacific
Monday, December 12th @ 7:30pm Pacific

Where? ::: On the phone or in your web browser on your computer.  
Register « HERE »

Why?   

Why ...

I believe that right now is the time for the Evolutionary Professional™. The emergent agent of change integrating purpose and wealth; doing well as a result of doing good-- integrating universal spiritual principles and free market economics. I understand that the more of you I empower to be successful, and have a full-time practice that is thriving, the better off the world will be.

And if you have read this far ... you sense the same thing. Join us:

Register « HERE » for the first call.

Update ::: recordings for the calls are now here:

All perspectives have equal validity, but they lack equal *value*, as they manifest different and varying levels of depth. #integral

I wrote the above line on facebook yesterday. Comments ensued:

@chris kosley said:

"Isn't value only assignable relative to a particular goal? Why should deep be inherently more valuable than shallow?"

To which I responded:

Thanks for asking the question. Good stuff.

What you say about value relative to a goal is true in other contexts [say, if I were talking about a skill or a thing; an object. But that is not what I was talking about.

I was talking about the inherent value in perspectives.

Why should deep be inherently more valuable than shallow? The simple answer is because it contains more. 

It requires more to demonstrate depth than it does to be shallow. It requires a larger embrace of the Kosmos. For instance, compassion is more valuable than anger because it requires a greater depth of development to demonstrate compassion than it does to simply get angry.

Therefore there *is* an inherent value that is greater.

Green [SD6] in Spiral Dynamics will not see this: they believe in flatland; all perspectives have equal value and it is all about cultural constructs and no culture is any "better" than any other culture. Of course they fail to realize that this perspective itself is a very high/deep level of development and stages below it do not share the sentiment.

Yellow realizes the folly in this, and its inherent falseness; Yellow [SD7] once again is fine with holarchies [stops judging them as bad or claiming they do not exist] as they are naturally occurring all around us.

And that is one of the charachteristics that truly distinguishes 1st Tier consciousness from 2nd Tier in the model. In other words, what distinguishes Integral.

Single emails do not sell people on anything. Email campaigns sell people on your offerings.

Register for the ultimate on-line course for coaches and practitioners here.

 You are responsible for the current state of your business.  Period.

Register for the ultimate on-line course for coaches and practitioners here.

I have created a new blog category for you called "semi-weekly tips" and it will be just that.

We'll cover topics ranging from self-esteem to email marketing. From best practices in business to practices for maintaining a healthy ego.

They will be 2-minute vignettes. We will release one approximately every 10 days.

They are not meant to be exhaustive or thorough lessons, but rather just a quick hit or some insight, and for some of you, simply reminders of the best of what you may have forgotten, but would love to be reminded of.

These are primarily created with coaches and holistic practitioners in mind, however, if you are in business for yourself, or if you are an independent commission-based employee, you will also be able to benefit from them.

To get you started, the first two are up now:

You are responsible, and therefore at choice:
http://coaches.evolutionarycompanies.com/akw

Single emails do not sell. Email campaigns do:
http://coaches.evolutionarycompanies.com/ak6

And if at any point in the future, if you want to see all of the tips in the category, then you can either click on "Semi-Weekly Tips" near the date stamp for the entries, or go to the category listing here:

http://coaches.evolutionarycompanies.com/evolutionary-blog/categories/listings/weekly-tips

In Service and In Evolution,

Jason

It is not the "successes" or "failures" that will define you and your business in the end.

Rather, it is your relationship--your orientation--to the failures that will.

Register for the ultimate on-line course for coaches and practitioners here.

A great quote about football, but it applies to any business:

"It's kind of like the questions that have been asked about what it's like right after being world champions," Coughlin said. "We go to the parade, we come back from the parade, and the next day we're grading players, we're ranking players. The business just goes on. Enjoy it while you can, because you've got the next hurdle, and in order to get back on schedule, you've got to deal with these kinds of things [immediately]."

What do you do right after you complete XYZ? Begin again and go on the next thing/level.

To Have Blog Comments … Or Not To Have Blog Comments?

Elevator Pitch ::: Think of it as a teaser trailer for that summer blockbuster:

A little flash, a little emotion, a bit of intrigue, and make an impact.

Increase your capacity to handle whatever life throws at you. Enjoy true freedom. Reveal an ever-increasing degree of your Divinity ... and produce profound results in your life in the process.

Imagine being confused when someone asks you if you took something personally. Authentically confused–as in, that interpretation is actually confusing to you.

Imagine being free–finally–from the opinions of others defining who you are.

Imagine when the sh** comes down in your life there is just the sh** to deal with and your mind is fully in service–it is your slave, rather than you being enslaved and imprisoned by your own mind.  

Being free from the emotions that enslave most people--and at choice--fully.

I do not mean just in a specific context, like relationships or finances or professional–personal evolution is not context dependent–but free at core level, such that your natural emotional responses are more free–in every context.

Imagine “reframing” being unnecessary–unnecessary because the reframe is the frame that naturally arises.

Our ego and our emotions evolve in stages. Greater and greater expanse. Ever-increasing levels of freedom. Wider and wider embrace of all that arises–moment to moment.

This is important to you because your stage will determine how you interpret events as well as your emotional reaction to it--before any re-framing can occur. In other words, it is what governs your relationship to interacting with the world and with yourself. 

Find out how to accelerate the process so that you can reveal even more of your divinity--and produce results with greater and greater ease.

Discover:

• How you can rapidly clear negativities from your past leading to reduced
  • anger
  • fear
  • guilt
  • shame
  • Etc.
• How to build true esteem for your self--strengenthing your "immune system for what life throws at you"
• Debunking myths about ego and self-esteem that are not serving your expansion and healthy development
• Effective strategies for managing the most powerful force in your world--your own mind
• Effective approaches to Purpose, Relationship, and fufillment through deeper understanding of yourself and others

And a whole lot more. I have consistently received feedback that this could be fleshed out into a 3 day workshop, and this is just an introduction to the material.

Let’s accelerate the process of movement through the stages--so we can play more, love deeper, laugh longer–and hurt for only as long as is necessary for us to learn what we must learn to deepen our experience of ourselves.

To unfold our depths; to reveal our Divinity.

And isn’t that what it’s all for anyway?

Because who we are is pure divinity. Pure Spirit. “God/dess” manifest. Yet our particular manifestation is often clouded. And we live in the real world where we forget who we truly are. As you touch your hand to your heart you may begin to feel Divinity waiting, wanting to come out and play. Release your Divinity; release the highest within you.

Your Personal Evolution is the gateway.

Yes, it will take the gristly and gritty work of building the muscles of facility with Self.  AND it will be the most valuable endeavor you have undertaken.

Let's explore this unfolding together. Let's accelerate the process together.

What: Introduction to Advanced Personal Evolution
When: Saturday, February 2nd @ 11am-1:15pm in San Francisco
Where: »» RSVP «« for exact location

Cost: free

Conflicts arise. For some of us, they arise more frequently than others. 

We all know this.

Conflicts can arise in our personal lives and in our relationships with other people. They can and do arise in professional contexts. And yes, they can even arise within ourselves.

In our personal lives, they can wreak havoc in romantic situations producing a lack of harmony and robbing us of the joy we expect those relationships to provide. In our professional lives they can corrupt professional associations or derail business deals affecting our financial outlook. When they occur within our selves, they can lead to inner turmoil, when we would rather experience harmony and peace.

This isn't exactly news.

What many of us fail to realize is that regardless of the context or the parties involved, we can use the same simple yet effective communication strategies to not only resolve the conflicts and problems, but to use them as a gateway to increased intimacy and connection, broader and deeper understanding, and ultimately, a positive outcome in virtually any situation--personal, professional, or individual.

With the tools we will cover in this mini-workshop, you will discover, gain, or acquire the tools that will allow you to:

• Find common ground where most are resigned to discord
• Expand the number of perspectives through which you can view yourself, others, and situations in general
• Navigate the delicate and often tricky waters of conflicts in romantic situations
• Negotiate professional agreements more effectively
• Overcome obstacles to an outcome that honor all parties involved
• Validate the other person/parties while still honoring yourself
• Create conversations that transcend the "problem" and communicate directly at the level of values
• Speak to the underlying message, rather then the superficial complaint being presented to you
• Dissolve internal conflicts within yourself where you are "of two minds" about something or feel "torn" between this and that perspective or desire

Decrease conflict and discord in your life. Increase joy, connection, intimacy, and success.

Start by adding the tools we will offer in this free evening workshop:

What: From Conflict to Connection
Where: San Francisco »RSVP« for exact location
When: Tuesday, February 12th, 2013 @ 7:15pm

Cost: Free.
Value: Huge

»RSVP« for exact location

Here is a little gem for you. An insight and a practice. Watch this 2-minute video:

And you can download an iPad version »HERE«.

Conflicts arise. For some of us, they arise more frequently than others. 

We all know this.

Conflicts can arise in our personal lives and in our relationships with other people. They can and do arise in professional contexts. And yes, they can even arise within ourselves.

In our personal lives, they can wreak havoc in romantic situations producing a lack of harmony and robbing us of the joy we expect those relationships to provide. In our professional lives they can corrupt professional associations or derail business deals affecting our financial outlook. When they occur within our selves, they can lead to inner turmoil, when we would rather experience harmony and peace.

This isn't exactly news.

What many of us fail to realize is that regardless of the context or the parties involved, we can use the same simple yet effective communication strategies to not only resolve the conflicts and problems, but to use them as a gateway to increased intimacy and connection, broader and deeper understanding, and ultimately, a positive outcome in virtually any situation--personal, professional, or individual.

With the tools we will cover in this mini-workshop, you will discover, gain, or acquire the tools that will allow you to:

• Find common ground where most are resigned to discord
• Expand the number of perspectives through which you can view yourself, others, and situations in general
• Navigate the delicate and often tricky waters of conflicts in romantic situations
• Negotiate professional agreements more effectively
• Overcome obstacles to an outcome that honor all parties involved
• Validate the other person/parties while still honoring yourself
• Create conversations that transcend the "problem" and communicate directly at the level of values
• Speak to the underlying message, rather then the superficial complaint being presented to you
• Dissolve internal conflicts within yourself where you are "of two minds" about something or feel "torn" between this and that perspective or desire

Decrease conflict and discord in your life. Increase joy, connection, intimacy, and success.

Start by adding the tools we will offer in this free evening workshop:

What: From Conflict to Connection
Where: San Francisco »RSVP« for exact location
When: Tuesday, March 12th, 2013 @ 7:15pm

Cost: Free.
Value: Huge

»RSVP« for exact location

[Note to the reader: "God" is used throughout as a signifier to point to wherever you put your worship. It could be conventional religions as I will mainly address, but you could just as easily replace it with Gaia if you "put your worship" there--if the environment is your ultimate concern. or you could replace it with polytheistic beliefs such as Hinduism. Or maybe you put your worship in the Universe, Consciousness, or Community. Consider that whatever your ultimate concern is, the concepts in this article can apply to that thing as "God" for you. Doing this will allow you to get the most from this article. -Jason D McClain]

Is Your Relationship to God Wrecking Your Relationship With God?

It’s a provocative question, isn’t it?

Why even ask it? It is fraught with predicable emotional triggers and will produce reactions that may blur the importance and the point of the topic at hand.

We could use your relationship to your "self" or your relationship to others or even your relationship to money. The fact remains that we could use any of those concepts--any of those signifiers--to get to what we are pointing at and we will use a couple of them as lead-in examples because of their familiarity--but it would not be as effective to stop there for our larger conversation; not as effective as getting to the very root of our relationship to and with our deepest and highest stages. But even more to the practical: we will use God for the simple fact that there is no concept or question more galvanizing—making us sit up in our chair and pay attention--than questioning our very relationship to and with the Divine.

So we use “God”.

Before we begin to explore the question, we need to lay the ground on which we will stand: stages of egoic and emotional development. Stages that we interpret the world through and react emotionally from.  Stages through which we will interpret every aspect of our lives--events occurring around us, the actions of others as they relate to us, the world we navigate through politically, economically, romantically, and, yes, our spirituality and the nature of the Divine.

So if we are to examine our relationship to God (or “the Divine) then we must begin with an understanding of the lens we gaze through.

"God is like a mirror. The mirror never changes, but everybody who looks at it sees something different."  --Rabbi Harold Kushner

From pre-personal to personal to trans-personal. From vengeance to justice to grace. From pre-rational to rational to trans-rational. From ego-centric to enthno-centric or gender-centric or nationalistic to world-centric. From unconscious to conscious to super-conscious. These are just some of the ways we can label the grossest stages of development of the Self—and they are stages of increasing wholeness and increasing embrace. Each stage transcends, yet also include the benefits of the former. Each is noted for its increase in capacities and increase in the ability to hold an ever-increasing number of perspectives. We could also think about these stages as an expansion of what an individual can identify with or as. From ego-centric to ethno-centric / gender-centric / nationalistic to world-centric; identifying as just an individual to identifying as a member of a community or collective of individuals to identifying as a member of a global community—a citizen of the planet and a member of its ecosystem. Plainly put: our stage of self-development will determine our world-view—and that world-view will evolve over time. And that evolution will have a directionality.

Human development can be divided into three major phases: pre-conventional, conventional and post-conventional, or pre-personal, personal and transpersonal (Wilber, et.al., 1986). This applies to the development of cognition, morality, faith, motivation and the selfsense. The infant enters the world unsocialized, at a pre-conventional stage, and is gradually acculturated into a conventional world-view, whether it be religious or secular. A few individuals develop further into post-conventional stages of post-formal operational cognition (Pfaffenberger, et.al., 2009), post-conventional morality (Sinnott, 1994;), universalizing faith (Fowler, 1995), self-actualizing and self-transcending motives (Maslow, 1971), and a transpersonal self-sense (Cook-Greuter, 1994; Wilber, 1980, 1983, 20001).

-Frances Vaughn, Journal of Transpersonal Research, 2010

We could say that one of the primary practices (as well as one of the primary indicators of personal evolution) is the ability to take on an ever-increasing number of perspectives; the ability to understand—even if not agreeing with—an ever-increasing number of perspectives or “views” of or “from” a given place.

And that lens—or lenses—is the filter through which we view the world as well as being the platform we will likely react from. This is not a box we can put ourselves or others in. It is not a classification as rigid as a “type”. Think of it more as a probability: a weather forecast, or a general orientation within high odds. Think of it more as a lump or a wave. But even still, the fact that we will likely interpret through and react from our “stage” of development of the “self” is hard-wired as a probability can get.

And, the endeavor we call “personal evolution” is the process of activating movement and moving through those stages.

Why is this important?

In the process of personal evolution we have both the mechanisms to create, and the path to enjoy, true peace within--and to reduce conflict without. An ever-expanding ability to hold an ever-increasing number of perspectives leads to a life that experiences greater ease, reduced fear and reduced anger, greater empathetic capacities, increased self-acceptance, increased capacities to handle whatever life may throw at you—and respond more resourcefully, and ultimately, leads to an aligned, purpose-filled and full-filled life.

As within, so without.

In recent history, it has become commonplace in personal development circles and communities for us to realize that our relationship to ourselves is very important—it is an accepted fact that it will determine a great deal of our experience materially, inter-personally, and emotionally. It may be thought of as self-concept, or self-esteem and self-acceptance, self-care, and self-love. This shows up in particularly high-relief/ particularly sharp in contrast in work with relationships where it is clear to more and more people (whether we like it or not) that our relationship with our self will determine our relationship dynamics with others: how well do we honor boundaries both for ourselves and for others? Do we feel we deserve to be happy and deserve to have a relationship in which we are treated well—with kindness and respect and love? How easily and openly do we communicate?

In essense: the degree of health we enjoy in our relationship with ourselves (and to our “self”) will have a great deal of influence on the degree of heath an vitality we enjoy in relationships with others—and life in general.

We can usually boil it down to the essence of: “you can’t have a loving relationship with another if you don’t love yourself”. There is more granularity more recently in some of the distinctions applied by the Integral community using the stages we laid out at the beginning of this writing applied to relationships; what are the qualities and characteristics of a “Stage 2 relationship, a “Stage 3 relationship” and so on.

This is relevant for precisely the reason that for many of us, our relationship to the Divine may be the most important relationship of all.

Which brings us to the question posed in the title of this article: “is our relationship to God wrecking our relationship with God?

It is an existential spiritual question. The very nature of how we experience Divinity is at stake. Examining this question will not only allow us to see where we limit ourselves spiritually, but also give us access to improving our state of health and vitality in the spiritual domain—determining to what degree we can shine the Light in the world in a way that transcends religion, allowing us to achieve our highest spiritual ambitions. In essence to become the highest within us—to emulate and embody more consistently our most precious qualities, characteristics, and spiritual ideals of universal love, compassion, and acceptance as taught by all of the world’s great spiritual traditions; to close the gap between who we are and who we strive to emulate and … to be.

If we are to realize our highest spiritual potentiality, our relationship to God is something that not only can and will be examined in the process, but must be examined.

As above, so below.

“God” is simultaneously personal and public, internal and external, and it is one of the hottest potatoes to throw around these days. Not just because for a growing number of people, belief in a God has fallen out of fashion—that would be the easiest hurdle to clear—but even worse, we have the full spectrum of religious beliefs on parade from Christian fundamentalists to radical Islam. “Spiritual but not religious” is a categorization that over 20% of the population in America now identifies as—and it is a category that is growing amongst the younger generations with 30% of the people under 30 years of age identifying themselves in this way.

The “problem” of religion has never been more obvious., Even those who are among the same mono-theistic traditions are in vigorous disagreement about the "true interpretation" of their sacred texts, how to worship, and who should be allowed within the flock (or not allowed within the flock as the case more often occurs).

What is true for one group—or one individual—is seldom true for another.

And that is before we even get to the discussion of the mytho-poetic themes of the world’s great religious traditions; was Jesus really born of the Virgin Mary? Was Lao Tzu really born as a 900 year-old man? Is the earth really resting on the head of a giant serpent (or the shell of a giant tortoise)? And of course, the subject of great debate most recently it seems: is the Earth really only 6,000 years old? Are these facts—with belief in them required to enter into the afterlife? Or are they gorgeous and useful poetic metaphors pointing to a greater truth in a way that people at the time could accept, pointing to Divine power.

But the real question to ask is: does any of that really matter? Should it?

A large enough number of people take the sacred texts literally that they must be honored in the conversation. Still others—and an ever-increasing number—do not, and look more to the teachings and the higher principles at play, shedding more and more of the convention, the traditions and, yes, the dogma. We do so because we are moving in a direction that we all do in our lives, and as groups in general—a direction of increasing wholeness, and ever-increasing embrace and acceptance of ourselves—and differences we have with others.

And there are some who are looking beyond the differences the great spiritual traditions have to the universal truths that they all share.

We really only have two choices when we are faced with facts that do not fit our belief structures, and this is most glaring when it comes to religious beliefs.. We can either expand our beliefs to include the facts on the ground, or we can dig in and regress and become more insular, ejecting the facts and reinforcing our belief structures.

This expansion is another way to point to the activity of personal evolution actually occurring. We could say the same about regression, truthfully, as it is included in the overall process, even knowing that the direction we hope to move is one of expansion. But, the eventual expansion is what leads to peace, ease, increased capacities, and all the other goodies we get to experience, even if it comes as the result of moving through the death-throes, and for some, the process as we shed the limitations of our previous previously-held beliefs -  is a painful process that can give some an experience that ranges from confusion to grief.

A process we will confront together in Part 2 of this piece.

You can find Part 2 » here « now.

Some years ago I wrote some guidelines for an intentional community and what I felt would create the best convergence of wisdom and having a responsible "immune system" for a community for safety of those participating as well as the most freedom of self-expression possible, all while trying to maintain it as Evolutionary -- with constant upward spirals, part of which would certainly include plateaus in that "constancy".

Blah blah, blah.

Anyway, one of the rules I had [and hold] is that in a community with individuals engaged in personal development, where Evolution is present, it is our duty and responsibility to update our interpretations of others.

This is not so unique, and the need is obvious: people have brief interactions with others. "Snap-shots" of that person if you will. But they are brief and contextual. And yet, people then extrapolate out and assess [or judge] this person as X. They then share this interpretation of this person with others. Perhaps out of genuine concern. Sometimes just to gossip.

And those who are careful and responsible in their sharing may even say "I only interacted whit them in XYZ situation and you may have another experience of them", blah, blah, blah.

They may even check in with the person/interact with them to see if their experience/assessment/interpretation was still valid.

And right there is where we can improve this process.

The Evolutionary would check in to see where their interpretation was *no longer* valid. Observe first where we were (or could be) wrong or out of date--looking for difference rather than for confirmation--of and about their assessment.

It is uncomfortable and against human nature's tendency to go for familiarity, confirmation bias, safety, etc. but it is more rigorous in our own evolution and more useful for true human connection and more aligned with what I consider to be Evolutionary principles.

And we will be relating more accurately with the dynamic being in front of us, rather than the stale and static caricature of them in our heads.

Condense a process that would normally take a decade into a few months or a year; accelerate your personal evolution.

We could say that "personal development" allows you to increase your skills in a very predictable, linear fashion. "Transformation" allows you to generate instant and unpredictable results. "Personal Evolution" includes aspects of them both, and yet transcends them both, giving you tremendous power and access to your internal life as well as capacities for the external--increasing your core capacities to handle whatever life throws at you.

Enjoy true freedom. Reveal an ever-increasing degree of your Divinity ... and produce profound results in your life in the process.

The path is clear. The potential results for you are nearly limitless.

• Clear your past emotional imprints reducing or eliminating your reactionary patterns, responding to situations with new resources, and establish your foundation
• Build a solid relationship with yourself
  • Distinguishing your values in every major context of your life
  • Begin to live in conscious and intentional alignment with your values
  • Increase your esteem for your self
  • Develop the skills to navigate your own interiors
• Expand your embrace through community, life purpose, relationship, or Divine Union
  • Continue the path of depth and expansion

Take two hours for yourself and...

Discover:

• How you can rapidly clear negativities from your past including
  
  • anger
  • fear
  • guilt
  • shame
  • Etc.
• How to build true esteem for your self--strengthening your "immune system for life"
• Debunking myths about ego and self-esteem that are inhibiting healthy development
• Effective strategies for managing the most powerful force in your world--your own mind
• Effective approaches to Purpose, Relationship, and fulfillment through deeper understanding of yourself and others
• To use your upsets [or the upsets of others] to distinguish values, producing conversations that bear fruit from the rocky soil of conflict
• The differences among the stages of Divine Communion, Divine Union, and Divine Identification

Yes. All in about 2 hours.

Let’s accelerate the process of movement through the stages--so we can play more, love deeper, laugh longer–and hurt for only as long as is necessary for us to learn what we must learn to deepen our experience of ourselves.

To unfold our depths; to reveal our Divinity.

And isn't that what it’s all for anyway?

Your Personal Evolution is the gateway.

Yes, it will take the gristly and gritty work of building the muscles of facility with Self.  AND it will be the most valuable endeavor you have undertaken.

Let's explore this unfolding together. Let's accelerate the process together.

What: Introduction to Advanced Personal Evolution
When: Saturday, March 30th | 11am to 1pm in San Francisco
Where: »» RSVP «« for exact location

Cost: free
Value: priceless

Be sure that you've read Part 1 » here «.

[Note to the reader: "God" is used throughout as a signifier to point to wherever you put your worship. It could be conventional religions as I will mainly address, but you could just as easily replace it with Gaia if you "put your worship" there--if the environment is your ultimate concern. or you could replace it with polytheistic beliefs such as Hinduism. Or maybe you put your worship in the Universe, consciousness, or Community. Consider that whatever your ultimate concern is, the concepts in this article can apply to that thing as "God" for you. Doing this will allow you to get the most from this article. -Jason D McClain]

As I asked in Part 1:

"...was Jesus really born of the Virgin Mary? Was Lao Tzu really born as a 900 year-old man? Is the earth really resting on the head of a giant serpent (or the shell of a giant tortoise)? And of course, the subject of great debate most recently it seems: is the Earth really only 6,000 years old? Are these facts—with belief in them required to enter into the afterlife? Or are they gorgeous and useful poetic metaphors pointing to a greater truth in a way that people at the time could accept, pointing to Divine power?"

These metaphors are a testament to the belief in stunningly powerful, mystical, and magical forces embodied in "Spirit". Stories told to the good common folk of those eras. Metaphors they could relate to. This was useful and good—in fact, it could have been no other way at the time. However, the vast majority that count themselves among the world’s religions have lost touch with this simple wisdom: that metaphors of their spiritual traditions do indeed hold tremendous aesthetic value and inspirational mythopoetic beauty, however, they are not the Truths themselves.

Nor should they really matter when discussing spiritual merit. Would we say someone was not a good person if they acted with love, grace and charity all of their life, dedicated to the service of others, but rejected the idea of the Virgin Birth? Of course not.

Sadly, focusing on the details of the metaphoric stories as a basis for “faith” rather than the individual relationship with the Universal Truths results in losing access to Divinity and Spirit. Ending up, in turn, hopelessly (and endlessly) arguing over details of form and presentation-details of stories told long ago so that simple people could easily have access to God. These arguments aren’t just friendly disagreements or intellectual debates engaged in among scholars; they have split families and divided congregations--and sent nations to war on too many occasions for us to want to list here.

The fact that this is so, and that is springs from traditions that were and are meant to free the spirit, spread love, and acceptance, and give hope to the hopeless, is no less than tragic.

So that we can attempt to avoid the same pitfalls, let us set aside what is “true” or “false” about these mythopoetic themes and focus instead on the more personal and individual experience. This is what is relevant for our discussion that is focused on the context of personal evolution.

For that, we need to address not the truth, but the utility of our relationship to the Divine--"to" vs. "with." This “to vs with” business is not just fun with prepositions. It has a very practical impact on our internal life and emotional experience.

The manner in which we relate to anything determines its meaning and importance in our lives. Whether that thing is a significant other, a new career opportunity, a rainy day, traffic on the highway, and/or yes, even “God”. Perhaps we should even say In fact, especially God—not because that is accurate, but simply because of the impact that our personal relationship with God has on our real-life happiness.

Let’s take traffic.

We have all experienced traffic on a highway. How do you relate to it? What is your interpretation of it? Do you view it as a waste of time? A hassle? An increase in vehicular pollution? Or perhaps you see it as a welcome break and use it to unwind on your way home listening to relaxing music or an opportunity to listen to a favorite book on audio? The obvious point is that how you “hold” this experience we call “traffic” in your subjective world will give rise to a specific and tangible emotional experience around it, or what we will call an “atmosphere”.

 “It is never the thing itself, but rather your relationship to it”.

Knowing that let’s take it out another level: it is not just how you relate “to” traffic that will determine your experience. While this is true, we could take one more step and realize that we are not just in traffic--if you are in your car in the middle of traffic, you are the traffic. You are at the very least a component part of it as a whole.

Think about that the next time you are cursing the traffic you are in.

You can see what we have done there, and you are likely already familiar with the importance of and the ability to “frame” your experience described in the above paragraphs. This is nothing new. Most of the wisdom traditions teach that how you interpret an event will determine your emotional experience around it—and with regular practice, you can discipline your mind to interpret your experience in a way that leads you to have the emotional experience of life that you desire. Simple. Not easy, but simple.

And yet, when we get to the context of God—we go all whacky. As if it somehow no longer applies.

Just as we examined if your relationship to traffic serves you, we will examine the same of your relationship to God.

I was with a client and we chased the source of his "issue" to a particular construction he has of God—and God and spirituality is very important to him.

His particular construction of God—and one that many people hold as “true”—was that God was an external force or being that he was beholden and subservient to. The source of most of his suffering was that there was a great deal of shame if he did not live up to God’s expectations—or rather what he believed God’s expectations to be. Sadly, this created separation between himself and God.

In his experience, this relationship to God would, in turn, produce certain predictable results; a pattern emerged.

He would engage in behaviors or thoughts (or not engage in them as was the case sometimes) and then as a result of his relationship to God, he would then retreat into the shadows—he would leave the light and attempt to hide away; hiding away from his responsibilities, playing the game of life at a much reduced level of vibrancy, and/or slipping occasionally into darker emotional episodes.

As we rigorously and fearlessly examined this in our session, we discovered that it was not his behaviors that created this negative experience—after all, he was not really engaged in any behavior that was truly wrong or bad; he was not harming anyone. Rather it was his holding God as something external to him and “above/having authority over him” that led to the experience. This ironically, in turn, had him operating out of communion with God; that is to say: his relationship to God was damaging his relationship with God. This, in turn, led to a great deal of unnecessary suffering for him.

The question became: what alternative ways of viewing and experiencing God could we construct for him that would honor the deepest truth of God as he understands him, that would also, in turn, predictably lead to a more joyous spiritual experience more consistently?

Moving from a relationship "to" God to a relationship "with" God

“Neither shall they say, Lo here! or, lo there! for, behold, the kingdom of God is within you.”
 –Luke 7:21

What if “God” were simply a force or light that flowed through you? Or “that which flows through you, which is greater than you?” Or God as a primary and fundamental animating spirit and force? “The light behind—and shining through—our eyes?” How would that framing, that relationship with God change our experience of life?

As quoted above, this idea is not inconsistent with the more mystical passages in both the Old and New Testaments in the Christian-Judeo religious traditions about the nature of God—and it is in alignment with the non-dual traditions of the East.

But again, even if it is in conflict for you, let’s leave the theological debate of ”true” to the theologians and remind ourselves that what matters is what could be true and is also useful.

For you and I who have to live and thrive in the manifest world——our greatest model of who we are to be when we are at our highest, deepest, and best,—the most joyous and inspirational experience possible while forever reaching towards the heavens within us … Perhaps the relationship to God that would most serve us is not one of separation, but rather one of being … One … with God.

For some, this is a radical idea; for others, it is blasphemy. Some understand this intellectually but are struggling to achieve it fully—as a matter of not just knowing but being -- especially closing the gap between the two.

For still others—including the client I was working with when we experimented with these relationship dynamics in our session—it is a tremendous relief. It can be tremendously freeing to know that we are not beholden to God in subservient worship but rather invited to become one with God in divine union.

I understand that for many, this is no simple endeavor. We have to shed the very idea of Original Sin and replace it with one of true and full self-acceptance--acceptance of our Universal Innocence. We have to believe, and then accept, that we are “good”. This does not mean that we will not make mistakes and engage in bad behaviors—or that we accept our behaviors that harm others without caring about how it impacts them. Quite the contrary; allowing acceptance allows us to more easily and more rapidly examine our faults.

However, what this also will allow for us a truly healthy relationship with God that will remove any obstacles to our Union with God, and leave only the light to shine on the shadows to chase them away—rather than leaving the shadows as a place for us to retreat into and hide away in shame. This will allow us to be the light.

As we return to where we began in Part 1—return to stages of egoic development—we can examine how stages of development apply in the context of this question of the Divine and our relationship to and with God. From pre-rational to rational to trans-rational; from pre-conventional to conventional to post-conventional.

From being in relationship to God to being in relationship with God to being in relationship … as God; from Union to Communion to ... Identification.

For many of us, that last stage will simply be too much to comprehend and may be beyond what we can allow ourselves to accept.

But what we can accept—and many of the wisdom traditions and religious teachings will remind us—is that humans will never be able to fully comprehend God. In saying so, we can also reason that the anthropomorphic or external authority-based attempts to give God form have had their uses—but also that God is not that. God is at least far more than that. And we have also demonstrated that those forms produce predictable results.

Many of them less than optimal.

Knowing that, let us all turn inward and examine how we construct and hold God. Challenge its degree of health and vitality. Notice its predictable results. And in doing so, engage in the endeavor of living with a wider embrace of existence--a fuller, more vibrant expression of Spirit in the highest and deepest sense. In doing so, we will have access to, and be bathed in, the kind of spiritual meaning and fulfillment we all yearn for whether we believe in a "God" or "Goddess" or not. The kind of transcendent spirituality the world needs to heal fractured sectarianism and to appeal to those with more emergent stages of consciousness. A flavor of spirituality than can and will unite rather than divide.

Let us not stop at having a relationship to God in Divine Communion, but let us go further--delving into a relationship with God, allowing us to be not just a recipient or a servant, but more—allowing us to become a channel or a conduit so that we are not just living for some greater good, but that we are, in fact being that greater good--bearing the full and ripe fruits of Divine Union and allowing it to flow forth--through and from us all.

Dating. Relationships. Conflict.

We’ve all dated. Most of us wish we did not have to.  

And we’ve all been in relationships of varying length and experienced some kind of conflict. And we’ve moved through that conflict with varying degrees of skill and The majority of the joy and pain we experience in our lives likely involves another person--it involves a relationship. Whether it be a friendship, a romantic partnership, or a business endeavor, relationships with other people will determine a large portion of what we experience emotionally in our daily lives.

We have all had at least one relationship that confounded us in some way. Maybe we were confounded by our own choices in the relationship. Maybe we were confounded by the other person’s choices in the relationship. Maybe we look back on it and wonder why the heck we were ever in it or how the heck we got into it in the first place.

“If I knew then what I knew now …”, etc.

And maybe it is more than one relationship. Maybe there is a pattern you've noticed and you feel trapped by. And maybe the conflict you have had lead to less than inspiring results. Predictably.

And dating. Ah ... dating. It's more often than not like rolling the dice, isn't it? And we all know how gambling goes: the house almost always wins.

Whether we are in an unfulfilling relationship, want to be in a relationship or are looking to enhance and enrich a wonderful relationship we are already in, there is no way to avoid examining our human relating and the humanity of our relating. And a lot of it is messy. Some if it seems like simple chance and luck. Some of it can be confusing. Some of it is frustrating.

But it does not have to be that way.

What if you could approach a new relationship and/or maintaining your current relationship with far greater wisdom?

Can we learn wisdom the easy way?

Yes. We can.

What you can expect to discover in this evening workshop:

•How to rapidly determine is someone is a fit for you beyond the immediate “chemistry”
•How to use conflict to increase intimacy and understanding--and co-create compelling futures
•Discover a framework to evolve a relationship you are in. Like, no kidding.
•Discover the deeper values being expressed by upset (and also by joy) and how to use them to act with impressive wisdom and insight

And stop hearing yourself say things like this:

• “Relationships are supposed to be hard/require work.”
• “Why do I keep choosing the wrong person/the wrong kind of man/woman?”
• “We say we want the same things, but …”
• “We must have some past karma we're working out ...”


What: Evolutionary Relationships: From Chance to Wisdom | From Conflict to Connection
When: Tuesday, September 10th @ 7:15pm
Where: San Francisco
Cost: Free

Why: To predicably increase your levels of Joy and fulfillment in your relationships


»RSVP« for exact location by using the contact form on this site.

Often, we experience some change or transformation--perhaps we go to a weekend event or workshops and we are certain it changed our lives. And yet that feeling fades. Maybe it takes a few months. Maybe it takes a few weeks. For some of us, it takes just a few days.

Why is that?

The answer is quite simple: we've confused transient emotional states for a stable shift in our "stage" of development. But you can have the change -- and keep it.

The understanding of “evolutionary consciousness” is perhaps the most important thing lacking in spiritual practices today. Evolution means growth and development. This means that there are aspects of reality that have not yet arisen in our consciousness. But they will arise if we grow.  -Ken Wilber

 

Condense a process that would normally take a decade into a few months or a year; accelerate your personal evolution.

We could say that "personal development" allows you to increase your skills in a very predictable, linear fashion. "Transformation" allows you to generate instant and unpredictable results. "Personal Evolution" includes aspects of them both, and yet transcends them both, giving you tremendous power and access to your internal life as well as capacities for the external--increasing your core capacities to handle whatever life throws at you. And have that emergent version of you be a more stable version you can count on as a new standard.

Those transient positive states can become permanent traits.

The path is clear. The "how" can be shown to you. The potential results for you are nearly limitless.

• Clear your past emotional imprints reducing or eliminating your reactionary patterns, responding to situations with new resources, and establish your foundation

• Build a solid relationship with yourself
  • Distinguishing your values in every major context of your life
  • Begin to live in conscious and intentional alignment with your values
  • Increase your esteem for your self
  • Develop the skills to navigate your own interiors
• Expand your embrace through community, life purpose, relationship, or Divine Union
  • Continue the path of depth and expansion

In this evening, discover:

• How you can rapidly clear negativities from your past including
  
  • anger
  • fear
  • guilt
  • shame
  • Etc.
• How to build true esteem for your self--strengthening your "immune system for life"
• Debunking myths about ego and self-esteem that are inhibiting healthy development
• Effective strategies for managing the most powerful force in your world--your own mind
• Effective approaches to Purpose, Relationship, and fulfillment through deeper understanding of yourself and others
• To use your upsets [or the upsets of others] to distinguish values, producing conversations that bear fruit from the rocky soil of conflict
• The differences among the stages of Divine Communion, Divine Union, and Divine Identification

Yes. All in about 2 hours. If I hurry.  *grin*

Your Personal Evolution is the gateway to the future and the life you envision for yourself.

Yes, it will take the gristly and gritty work of building the muscles of facility with Self.  AND it will be the most valuable endeavor you have undertaken because it will bear fruit in every context of your life, whether that is a romantic relationship or a creative or professional project, or as deep as fulfilling on your life purpose.

Let's explore this unfolding together. Let's accelerate the process together.

What: Introduction to Personal Evolution
When: Tuesday, September 24th | 7:15pm to 9:15pm in San Francisco
Where: »» RSVP «« for exact location

Here:

404 Bryant Street @ Second,
San Francisco CA 94107


Cost: free
Value: priceless

"Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment."

― Eckhart Tolle

Often, we make the mistake of judging where we are at as wrong or bad. "I should already have _________ by now." "I am over 40 (or 50, or whatever age) and by now I thought I would have ___________ " or "I am still __________ ing! What's wrong with me?"

Nothing. Nothing is wrong. You know where you "should" be at this point in your life or in your development and personal evolution? That's right: exactly where you are. Do you know why? Because you can't be any other place. To think that you can be is to engage in a particular kind of self-invented torture.

Most of us know that comparing ourselves to others is not very useful. There will always be someone better than us and there will always be someone we are better than at any particular thing or in any area of development or in a chosen context.

It is a meaningless comparison.

But we often compare ourselves to another "other". That other is an ideal self. One we invented and then compare ourselves to, and shame ourselves for not being. Which is really pretty silly--because we made it up! We invented this "other" to torture ourselves.

This creates misery for us. And yet, how do we balance the reality of the gap between who we are and who we envision ourselves to be/come without doing so? If we truly accepted ourselves as "perfect as we are" wouldn't we simply stop developing and evolving ourselves?

The short answer is "no". The longer answer is that the very question points to a lack of understanding of what true self-acceptance is and what kind of experience it creates.

Self-acceptance leads to facing reality--good, bad, dark, light, ugly, beautiful as the reality as it is. In doing so--in building the capacity to stare into the mirror and gaze at ourselves with an objective and clear eye-we build the capacity to dance ...

It is a very delicate dance--seeing where we are and accepting that, and knowing where we want to be and having attention on closing that gap and doing so without moral judgment. But once that dance is engaged in, it allows for even more rapid evolution because we are no longer delusional or in avoidance, nor are we resisting nor are we driven by a compulsion to be a "better person".

Instead, we accept the reality as it is, allowing us to more rapidly see what needs to be done, and because we care about results, we do it--we step into the gap and the gap begins to get smaller and smaller.

We stop evolving to get something and we begin to evolve for the sake of evolution--to be engaged in the unfolding, creating a better world for all.

And it all begins with self-acceptance.


Details for the next Introduction to Advanced Personal Evolution can be found »here«

Getting To Grace, a Comprehensive Introduction to NLP and Evolutionary Awareness in Harbin Hot Springs in November. Earlly registration is now open. Details »here«

That resolution you could not keep. That diet you failed to stay on. That habit you could not break. That part of you that you don't want to own ... and perhaps even deny. That behavior you want--or even need--to stop but can't seem to. Or maybe for you it is that person you know you should stay away from but keep going back to.

Including those parts you have been encouraged to label "shadow".

Your fractured self.

Those parts. Those parts of yourself you are frustrated with, argue or struggle with, and at times, perhaps even hate. Those parts can be brought into alignment, reclaimed, and dissolved into the greater whole.

And rather than the internal dissonance you experience--that internal tension and conflict--you can and will experience greater and greater levels of alignment, integration, and harmony--to your very core.

I look forward to showing you how on Tuesday night. Details »HERE«.

A few weeks back I led an event titled The Myth of Self-Sabotage. If you were unable to attend, or if you came and just wanted the Clift Notes on it to remind yourself, or if you missed it entirely, here is a screen-cast for you.

It is 19 minutes and 30 seconds long. May you find it useful and valuable in your life.

Learn how to facilitate this process with your clients at Getting To Grace -- the weekend training November 15th, 16th, and 17th in San Francisco. Details here:  http://getting2grace.com


If you need the iPad version, your video is »HERE«

60 pounds and 8 inches.

That's how much weight and girth around my waist I have shed in the last 15 months. I have gone from a 42-inch waist back down to a 34" waist and I have gone from 265 lbs down to just under 205 today -- while adding a significant amount of muscle mass. And I did so with a fairly relaxed workout routine.

I had gotten fat and what was worse (for me) was that my mental edge and sharpness, as well as my motivation, were dulled and muted. All of that has changed radically in the last 14 - 16 months.

How did I do it? What was the major or primary shift? There were certain things that helped: I eliminated sugars and all grain-based carbohydrates except for the ever-famous "cheat day" once a week. That certainly helped. Ten months ago I chose to stop consuming alcohol -- choosing clarity over self-indulgence. Yes, that has assisted in the process.

But the primary component? Testosterone. Testosterone manages a lot of things: libido and aggression get all the press, but did you know it also impacts drive and motivation, cognitive edge/sharpness, and fat metabolism/retention?

And mood.

Oh, mood.

And even more sadly (no pun intended) many men are being misdiagnosed with clinical depression when they really just have low testosterone levels.

Most people don't realize it, but if you have low testosterone levels you will retain fat--and it will increase your estrogen levels, which then, in turn, has you retain even more fat, which in turn lowers your testosterone even further -- it becomes a hormonal downward spiral.

And here is the kicker: a medical practitioner will often tell a man with very low testosterone that it is "normal" if it is still in the normal range. The range being between 200 and 1100. 

200 might be "normal" but it is certainly not optimal.

Disclaimer: I am not a trainer, nutritionist, medical Dr, or practitioner of any kind of medicine nor do I hold myself out as such. I am simply a guy who has done a lot of research on my own and experimented with certain supplements and herbs and gotten my blood tested 4 times in the last year at regular intervals--and I am reporting my findings here for those who want to do their own research.

Let's discuss testosterone, free testosterone, levels, dietary adjustments, and most important of all, supplementation. Henceforth, testosterone will be simply referred to as "T" and free testosterone as "Free T".

Distinctions, Levels, and Ranges

Total T is what most people get measured with the blood tests that are out there--and if your Dr is not a specialist, this is the test they will give you unless you request both Total T and Free T to be tested.

Total T is just what it sounds like: your total levels in your blood. Free T is a test to see how much is bio-available; how much of your T is floating around available to be put to use at any given moment.

What is a "normal" range? Depends on which lab you ask, but there is some overlap. Some labs will say that a "normal" Total T level is between 200 and 1,300 ng/dl (nanograms per deciliter). Others say it is between 300 and 1300. The normal range for Free  T is murkier because of the different tests that different laboratories use. Here is a set of ranges from a forum I was involved in for a while:

Consequently, if your doctor tests your free testosterone, be sure you know the analytical method used. If your test results have a reference range as follows, you have probably been tested with one of the other test methods:

 

Male Reference Range - Test Type

 

* 66-417 nanogram/dL FWRA
* 12.3-63% %FWRA
* 5-21 nanogram/dL UF or ETD
* 50-210 picogram/mL UF or ETD

 

There are those that hold the opinion that Free T is the more important test because that is what measures bio-available T. Personally? I like to get both done.

My Personal Results

In November 2012 I took my first test. Here were my results:

Total T: 208
Free T: 14

At first, I tried the typical recommended herbal supplements: tribulus, fenugreek seed, yohimbe, and L-Arginine (an amino acid). I did see a 10% increase in my levels, but that elevation did not last long--about 2 months--even though I continued to take the herbs. So I decided to begin to investigate what bodybuilders were doing who were not into the black or grey market stuff (prohormones, hormones themselves, and/or steroids because once you start taking those you have to take them for the rest of your life because your body stops producing its own T--and what we want to do is increase your body's natural production of T and slow its conversation to estrogen, which it is particularly prone to do if you have a large amount of body fat. 

I tried a few supplements that had some positive effects, but not impressive. I tried others that did not work at all. I finally settled on a triad of supplements that have produced the results I was looking for. I just received my most recent results and here they are:

September 10th, 2013

Total T: 495
Free T: 71

So ... what were these supplements?  

The first was D-Aspartic Acid. It is available in bulk at pharmaceutical grade. That is how I buy it--and I add it to my protein shake or simply shake it up with my other morning nootropic supplements. You can also buy it in capsules, but whatever delivery system you choose, the daily recommended dose is about 3.5 grams. You can purchase it »here«. The second is MuscleMeds Arimatest. You can purchase it on Amazon for a pretty good price »HERE«. The third is PES Erase High-Affinity Inhibitor which can be found on Amazon »HERE«.

There are also things you want to avoid in terms of your consumption habits when you are looking to increase your T. Pseudo-estrogens are everywhere, which will lower your T and increase your estrogen. They are in plastics and in chemicals used in conventional agriculture (non-organic). What does this mean? When you are trying to increase your T, endeavor to eat only organic fruits and vegetables, and whenever possible, store your leftovers in glass containers--not plastic ones, and double goes for using the microwave; reheat your food in stainless steel pans on the stovetop or glass containers if and when you use the microwave.

In terms of diet for sustainable weight loss added to this program for increased T, I will leave that to a follow-up article. For now, here is a summary to increase your T:

•Get tested and be sure you are testing both Total T and Free T

•Use the "big 3" supplements:

D-Aspartic Acid
MuscleMeds Arimatest
PES Erase

•Reduce and/or eliminate pseudo-estrogens in your environment, starting with using organics food sources and glass or stainless steel food storage and reheating containers and methods.

One side note: if you are on this program and you reduce your estrogen levels, some report problems with joint lubrication. To counteract this, I recommend taking another supplement:

Glucosamine, Chondroitin, MSM. See it »HERE«.

As a final note: educate yourself around ranges. Everybody's body is different, so your methods may vary. The natural approach may work for you. I know for me, they did not pack enough punch at my low levels. Get educated, get tested, and experiment.


Additional Resources:

The Art of Manliness (ranges and measuring your T)

The 4 Hour Body (seriously awesome book, that includes a food-based program for increasing your T and about a dozen other things you will want to know about.

Life Expectancy and Testosterone and Estrogen (interesting read on how they can predict your life expectancy based on your hormone levels.)

UPDATE:  It is worth noting that Tim Ferris has a food-based protocol for increasing your T that involves brazil nuts, fermented cod liver oil, rich butterfat (think Irish butter) and egg yolks. Check the 4-Hour Body for the details. And it is an excellent book every man should have anyway.  


UPDATE January 17th, 2014: I just received my latest test results, and I am quite pleased.

Total T: 773
Free T: 160 

There were no supplement changes -- I did "cycle off" everything listed above for about a month before I took this latest test. I also increased my intake of red meat, egg yolks, and nuts. I can not speak to how much that contributed, although it is part of the diet-based protocol in the 4-Hour Body. However I did not consume nearly as much of the yolks as he suggests, and I consumed a lot more nuts...