Charisma can be faked. True presence can not. True presence comes from internal alignment - free from nagging self-doubts or internal conflicts. It comes from self-acceptance. That internal dialogue you experience - that negative self-talk? Those can be resolved. Imagining negative outcomes and feeling anxious about your future - that can also be r...
There (hopefully) comes a point in every human’s life when they have a post-conventional sexual unfolding. When they long for depth and settle for nothing less than a full body-mind-spirit connection with our lovers. This is, of course, even more tru
Part 1 of The Problem With Most Male Polarity Coaches is back »here«. Part 2 is below. Recently I have peeked into male-oriented polarity groups and I’ve been researching how a lot of men are coaching men around relating to women in all-male con
#RelationshipPostmortem While most of this section is going to deal with what to do after the breakup - how to process the grief, how to use that period of deep pain for your own development, transformation, and personal evolution, and how to set you
The Agreements From Chance to Wisdom In my experience, there are four agreements that are necessary as foundations for any healthy relationship regardless of the context - meaning it doesn't matter if it's a professional context, if it's friend
Given all this talk of responsibility and blame, how do we best relate to triggers? What are they? How do they occur? Triggers are most often referring to feelings of hurt or anger. What I mean when I say “trigger” is that you lose the ba
[Note to the reader: "God" is used throughout as a signifier to point to wherever you put your worship. It could be conventional religions as I will mainly address, but you could just as easily replace it with Gaia if you "put your worship" there--if
I’ve worked with hundreds of people over the years, and one of the common threads - in every case where they were starting their own business - was some version of self-doubt.
It shows up in many different forms: questioning whether they are good enough, whether they know enough, or have enough training. It shows up on how they set their prices, and in the way they have uncertainty about the future. It can also show up as perfectionism (because nothing is ever really good “enough” - and a half dozen other versions I could list.
One or more of these plague most solo-preneurs just starting out. Each of them are simple enough to resolve (and we can - and will - resolve them for you during the webinar on Thursday). Still others - as laid out below - require mindfulness and practice to let go of.
The most interesting challenge clients face - and the most pervasive dynamic I have witnessed among them - is many degrees more complicated.
The story may be familiar to you: you schedule a small talk - an introduction to your work - and let me assure you, these introductory workshops are the engine of your business. Through them, you provide value to the community and assist in building your following, your brand, and it’s an opportunity for people to see you in person so they get a deeper sense of you.
Someone comes up to you and tells you how amazing the talk was, how touched they were by it, and gets that glazed over look in their eye. It’s boom time, baby!
You pack up and go home and when you get home and check your email and there is a critical email from one of the evening’s participants saying that you needed to change XYZ about your presentation and how some of it was inappropriate. Suddenly all the inflation turns to deflation and you feel dejected and start to wonder - maybe this business isn’t for you.
How you actually performed becomes irrelevant because we are now dealing with a creation of your mind:
1) You collapsed two domains - personal and practical - you made a practical matter personal; you make it mean something about you personally when it is a matter of efficacy with the audience
2) Identification with your business or your material in the workshop causing you to react - you *are* your business in this situation. A case of mistaken identity. What’s more though, is these demonstrate an orientation to external validation.
This distinction Personal/ Practical is foundational in the self-esteem concepts I will lay out for you Thursday.
Internal vs External orientations to validation will also make a headline appearance. These distinctions will go a long way toward increasing your freedom and choice and assisting you improve more rapidly.
There are a limited number of spots for the Webinar, so go grab your space now:
In Your Service,
Update: here is the video from the webinar. Enjoy!
When: Tuesaday September 23rd @ 6:30p to 8:15p Pacific
Click here to get access details: http://bit.ly/1qz1NvU
What in your life creates static or disturbances in the channel? For some it is intoxicants. For others it may be the foods they eat - sugars or a deficiency of vegetables and other “high-vibrational” foods. for others it is a pattern of relationships or a specific current relationship characterized by conflict rather than synergy.
For many - heck, most - it is emotions. Fear, anger, guilt, shame, sadness, and anxiety are the usual suspects.
Maybe it is from a recent event. More likely it is a series of events creating a reaction - which is problematic when they build up and create a residue leading to disproportionate reaction (or creating inaction) perhaps stopping you from offering your gifts to the world.
But more importantly - they skew your perceptions in some way. They cloud your judgment. They introduce static into the Channel. They distort or dampen your intuition.
What if you could dramatically reduce those emotional reactions? Dramatically reduce the duration or intensity of - say, fear - in your body? What if there was a tool you could use to systematically clear those emotional reactions out leading to improved relations, cleaner communication, and more importantly a clearer Channel.
The truth is, you are a leader.
Whether you consider yourself to be - or not - you are. If you don’t think so, consider for a moment that at some point someone looked to you for guidance. It may have been as subtle as a small child passing you in the street who looked up at you and then took your lead (did you smile? Wave? Did they giggle? Become shy?) or it may be someone and some context far more direct - someone actually paying you for your insights and guidance.
Even if it was only to yourself in a time and situation when you had to keep your own counsel, somewhere, at some point, in some capacity - to someone - you are or have been a leader.
We all are - or have been.
To the degree we are aware of this and accept it is the degree to which there are certain duties and responsibilities that we shoulder - and aspects of our experience we must keep in mind that others who choose not to accept this are not burdened with. We are all aware of this to varying degrees - some of us larger degrees and others lesser - but we are aware of it.
Sometimes this is about making sure our behavior is in alignment with our espoused principles - basic philosophical integrity. An aspect of this is simply knowing people are watching and there are no days off from your spiritual purpose. Sometimes this is about taking care of your body - your vehicle - not only so you are an inspiring form for others to align with, but also so they have fewer questions that will distract them from what you have to offer.
But there is one aspect - one responsibility - we have that transcends them all and effects all contexts; above all else we have a responsibility - a duty - to keep the channel clear.
Clear your Channel and tune your intuition. Find out how by registering for this free webinar.
When: Tuesaday August 26th @ 6:30p to 8:15p Pacific
Click here to get access details: http://bit.ly/1qz1NvU
When: Wednesday, July 16th @ 6:30pm Pacific
Where: Online Webinar. »Register Here«
Cost: Yep, it's free
What and Why:
The Mythology of Self-Sabotage
Self-sabotage is a huge focus of pop-psychology and in the world and business of personal development. We devote time to workshops, read books, self-examine, consider it part of our necessary shadow-work perhaps, and yet still we are often left confounded by behaviors that seem to undermine our greatest aspirations for ourselves and our highest vision or our life.
We set a goal, or declare some new way of behaving or declare an end to some way we have been behaving and how long does it take to break our "promise"? Anyone who has ever tried to stop an old habit or start a new habit has experienced this--be it the smoke from a cigarette, a fatty or sugary food we should not eat, or the affections from someone we know to be as toxic for us as deeply inhaling cigarette smoke. Or, how about starting to go to the gym? Or maybe it was some New Year's resolution that you resigned from after about a week.
Or ... maybe it was saying you would not yell at people in traffic any more. Or engage with more compassion and empathy. Until that one person who ...
Or maybe it was something bigger with more at stake: a new high-paying position, a new career path, or finishing that book you've always said you were going to write, and yet your behaviors did not occur in alignment with the simple and clear steps you know – consciously -- it will take to accomplish the thing you said you would (or wanted to) accomplish (or be, do, or have.)
So most of us have begun to reduce this to some inner-enemy--some saboteur running around and setting charges on our bridges, and undermining the soiled path we are trying to walk on, having us stumble into those pitfalls.
You know: that part of you that you have probably cursed in your mind, under your breath, or even out loud in frustration.
The idea of an inner enemy is one way of relating to this phenomenon—and it is a valid and generally accepted way of relating to it. But is it an effective way of relating to it? Is it really true? Does labeling it in such a manner give us access to resolving the problem?
Most of us are aware that how we relate to something in our awareness will produce specific and predicable results both mentally and emotionally. And will even shift our "reality". The power of positive thinking and the Law of Attraction are both commonly accepted in personal development communities and among individuals interested in developing themselves. Yet these concepts are often misunderstood, misused – and underused.
Our thoughts do not create reality, because we do not experience reality directly—we experience it through perceptual filters and we interpret—and then we generalize those interpretations making meaning or creating beliefs. However our thoughts certainly create our reality--how we interpret reality will lead to our experience of reality. Objective and subjective; exterior and interior. That is to say, how we interpret what is happening "out there" will create our experience of reality "in here" and it certainly creates our immediate emotional experience and what we make that mean through generalizations and the creations of beliefs about the world, ourselves, people, etc., leads to what I like to call our "emotional atmosphere".
How is this most often done? In language; in our linguistic structures--descriptors and labels.
In this way, while our thoughts do not create "reality" with a capital R, it does--absolutely--create our experience of reality.
As clarifying example, most of us know that we can relate to the same event in one of two ways: as a "crisis" or as an "opportunity". We know that doing so will create different solutions as we will approach it differently.
Circling back to this idea of an "inner enemy", what results does that labeling of this phenomenon predictably produce? It creates a "me vs the other", us against "it" or "them" mentality which leads to tension and separation which in turn produces even greater internal dissonance.
The best thing about this way of relating to the phenomenon is this: it is not true; we made it up. The reason that is the good news is that given we made it up, we can create another way of relating to this phenomenon that is useful; a way that gives us access to resolving the confounding behavior that keeps us from attaining the heights we desire with the velocity and ease we wish for?
The answer is incredibly simple and elegant—both in the mathematical sense as well as the aesthetic. The process for resolution of this phenomenon involves getting into communication and into relationship with those parts of us that are out of alignment, find out what their positive purpose is, take that up to the highest/deepest level and integrate it from that place. It can be a fairly profound experience that is deeply healing, and allows you to create greater and greater levels of inner harmony within your Self.
Simple? Yes. Easy? Well, that depends on the skill of the Guide. That last paragraph above encapsulates and summarizes a process that can take between 20 and 40 minutes, depending on the depth of the problem, but it is virtually always successful at realigning that part of you that is ... well, out of alignment.
Take your "inner-enemies" and turn them into your most powerful allies.
Find out on Wednesday, July 16th @ 6:30pm Pacific
Where: Online Webinar. »Register Here«
A few days ago, a student of mine - a graduate of the Evolutionary Sales course -- asked me if fear could be useful.
Below is my response.
Of course fear *can* be useful. Anything is useful in *some* context.
And in any situation where we are discussing intra-personal matters (our relationship with ourselves) the question is: "do we need to use negative emotions for their usefulness-or is there a way to get the same outcome with a method that creates harmony rather than dissonance and dis-ease?
I think the answer is pretty obvious.
This does occasionally come up with clients around motivation; they are not sure how they will motivate themselves without anxiety. In that situation we have to work with their meta-program around motivation; are they motivated toward vision or away from pain. I have it that it is not a wiring thing (we are "just that way" but a matter of choice, training, and conditioning).
Having said that, if you remove fear and replace it with nothing in terms of motivation, then you will run into problems of ... well, "lethargy" is not quite it, but you get my meaning I trust.
Going into this deeper, let's distinguish what we mean by "fear". I see the following:
1) Fight or flight where your body is in physical danger (rational fear)
2) Fight or flight where we are not in physical danger (irrational fear)
3) Anxiety around not knowing how to do something and we are forced to do it (like land a plane when you are not a pilot and lives are at stake).
4) Anxiety or panic when we imagine some performance situation going poorly (presentations / public speaking, approaching someone we are attracted to, etc.)
#1 and #3 are fine. In fact, #1 is critical for our survival; it can be life saving.
#2 is an invention of our mind and is created by a combination of a lack of facility with self / lack of skill at navigating our interiors and insufficient self-esteem. It is also usually resulting from a gestalt of fear that can and should be cleared out of our past.
#4 is pretty straight forward: it is imagining a future event with a negative outcome. And since that future is a fantasy, imagining it not going well is ... well, silly. It may not be conscious- or it often is. If you imagine giving a presentation and having your notes fall to the floor or everybody scoffing at you, then you will have anxiety (and other emotions). However, if you imagine it going well -- that everything is going to be fine and you make that your internal representation of the event -- imagine that "movie" then you will feel much, much better.
I am not personally motivated away from pain - it has almost no impact on me because of the life I have had; I can deal with pretty much any level of pain. I have also systematically cleared out fear, anxiety, anger, etc., etc., etc. And having worked on my ego structures for nearly 25 years, there is almost nothing that I am not certain I can handle, so it is simply ineffective for me personally. In general, I am future oriented, vision oriented, and "toward" motivated.
I have often found though, that you have to resolve the fear, guilt, shame, etc., before you can take the necessary steps you need to take to get the thing done you need to get done, so how about we skip the negative vibrations in our nervous system, and find ways to motivate ourselves without the blunt instrument of fear? And as we imagine how much more spacious we feel, and how much cleaner and clearer our vessel / channel is, we can live our purpose even more fully because our vehicle (body/mind/spirit/nervous system) does not have dissonance in it that needs to be calmed.
When you realize that you are unborn; when you meet the face you had before your parents were born- the pure Witness, then life becomes lela or play and you can thrust yourself into it with full gusto because you realize that you can't really die.
At that point you have disidentified from that which you *think* is you, but is not really you and you have identified with the ever-present Witness. You have become God.